Page 140 of The Dommes

I sit up, the covers falling away from me. My back is hunched, my greasy hair falling into my lap, and my makeup-less face sending rockets into this woman’s skull.

“You need time. You. Need. Time.”

“Have I misinterpreted something? I was under no impression that we were on some specific timeline when it came to our relationship. Besides training you, anyway.”

She’s already bringing that up. Either Ira is a terrible liar, or she’s terrible at understanding me. Probably both. “No, we weren’t on any timeline. We were doing whatever felt fun. Yeah, I had a lot of fun with you.” I have to look away before her charisma breaks me. “Maybe too much fun. Like I told you, I’m getting in over my head. You’re an easy one to fall in love with, Ira Mathison, and I don’t want to fight you anymore.”

No surprise that she takes my hand, eyes staying locked on mine. “Then don’t fight me.”

“Don’t you get it? You’re one of the last people I should fall in love with. Where would a real relationship with you go? I don’t want to be your full-time sub.”

“I don’t want a full-time sub. Not from you or anyone else. That’s sex, not a lifestyle.”

“Even so, I can’t do that even half the time. It takes a lot out of me and asks me to look at who I really am. Meanwhile, you keep doing your own thing like whatever.”

“Katie… if this is about you Topping, I… don’t care if you take out your urges on others. Just casual, of course. Maybe if I’m there.”

All these stipulations. I could die from dizziness. “That’s not going to work for me. I’m a Domme. I don’t want someone looking over my shoulder and seeing what I do. For fuck’s sake, Ira, we would be miserable after a year. It wouldn’t work. We’d be forced to break up like your parents before we could even talk about marriage.”

My God, I just said the M-word.

Ira doesn’t flinch. “I think you’ve misunderstood me,” she says, steadily. “We don’t have to go from what we had to an engagement party. There are places in between. Like… agreeing to be exclusive while we test the waters out some more.”

“Why would you even want to bother with that? Do you want to waste your time when you could be looking for someone more suitable to your needs?”

“Did you not hear what I said?” Ira leans forward, face coming closer to mine. I resist flinging myself into her embrace now that I can smell her cologne so strongly. Her comfortable cologne that makes me think of gentle nights in bed, her body wrapped around mine and lips teasing every inch of my skin. “I just told you that you make me feel things that no other woman has in my thirty years. Why wouldn’t I want to follow that and see where it goes?”

“Because,” I take her hand, “I won’t be the last woman making you feel that way.”

Her gaze is unwavering. Intensifying, but she’s not going to look away anytime soon. “Why do you think so little of yourself?”

“Excuse me?”

The mood has changed. We’ve gone from Ira groveling for my attention to her looking as if she’d rather spit on my floor. I’ve never seen such disgust on her face. Disgust for me? No, Kathleen, don’t let her see how uncomfortable you are. It was one thing when she walked in here unannounced, it’s another for her to throw you off guard like this.

“You put up this façade that tells the world you’re a hard bitch who doesn’t take shit from anyone, personally or professionally. I get it. You need that façade because so many people have told you that you’re still nothing, even born into your father’s family. When that façade comes away, though? You’re so insecure that I almost pity you. Almost. I know you have the strength to overcome whatever is holding you back.”

“What am I trying to achieve, huh?” I snatch my hand away from her.

“You need to let go. You can’t live the rest of your life trying to live up to some standard day-in and day-out. You’re going to burn in flames before you hit forty. Maybe sooner. I don’t want to see that happen. I want to give you at least one escape in your life where you can let go of all control in a safe environment with someone who fucking loves you.”

Tears threaten to burst from my eyes, but I hold them in…. because this arrogant jerk is not going to see me cry over this. She’s not going to see me remember every time I wished I could run to my father and have him fix all my problems. She’s not going to witness me come undone because a man tried to make me get his coffee even though I’m a project leader or even in charge of a whole company. I refuse to let Ira Mathison, the bane of my existence and quite possibly the love of my life, see me at my weakest like that.

She’s seen me vulnerable. She doesn’t need to see me weak.

Yet only those last words stay in my head. “You love me?”

“I told you earlier, darling, I’m heading that way. Fast.”

My hand searches for her again. When our fingers meet, it’s like being welcomed back to a place you left but have already forgotten. “What if it doesn’t work out? What if all this time has been wasted?” I bite my lip, fighting that solitary tear. “What if you break my heart?”

Somehow I’m lured into the grip of one arm. Ira’s arm. The one that’s so soft and strong that I can’t help but melt in it. My nose nuzzles against the place she rubbed her cologne as she strokes my tangled, greasy hair and whispers into my ear.

“If it doesn’t work out in the long run, then it doesn’t work out. But it wouldn’t have been a waste of time, and I would never break your heart. Not like that. The idea of you being heartbroken breaks my heart.”

My other hand strokes her red shirt and plays with the edge of her tie. “I can’t imagine someone like you being heartbroken. You’re the type to shake one woman off and go find yourself a new one. Or many ones. You were like that back in high school, too. Don’t you think I know I was one of those girls, even though I came on to you?”

“Katie.” Every time she says my name like that, I die. My heart stops beating, if only for an instant. It’s like those sound waves dive right into my ear and stop the blood flowing toward my chest. I don’t trust anyone who has so much power over me. What kind of power? Fuck, I don’t even know. “It was easy for me to go between those women because I didn’t feel anything more than lust and a passing fondness for them. You’re different. You’re completely different.” Her lips tickle my ear, and here I go, falling deep into that well I’ve plummeted into so many times now. “You’re the closest thing to a soul mate I’ve ever found, and I still don’t believe in such a thing.”

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