“Sounds good.” I can barely look at her right now. The more I do, the more I think about going to the couch and making a fool of myself.
Kissing her. Holding her. Feeling her hands on me as I do whatever the fuck I want to her.
I’d destroy her. She’d destroy me.
This wouldn’t be a volatile relationship at all.
“Ira,” I say after a few moments of silence. “We need to talk. About the other thing.”
She gets herself some water. “Sure.”
“I’ve been thinking a lot since I left here Sunday.” I don’t know how I should approach this. Physically or verbally. On one hand, I want to confess everything I feel. On the other? I want to hold myself to this chair and never look her in the eye. There is still a lot I’m coming to grips with in my heart and mind.
My body, meanwhile, knows damn well what it wants.
“Let’s face it, Ira, we’re in a thick forest here with few breadcrumbs to get out. Especially if we’re going to work together.”
She smiles at my analogy. I melt inside. Even this cold Domme has ways of unwinding. Shit, I’m thinking like her.
“What’s going on here, exactly?”
The smile fades. That’s right, honey, I’m gonna make you talk now.
“I figured this is casual. If it ever happens again.” She drinks. “Vanilla sex, that is.”
Only people like us would have to specify that it’s vanilla. “So, hooking up like we did those first couple of times.”
“Preferably with a bed here and there, yes.” That smile is back.
“All right.” Casual sex. I think I can handle that. “So we’re not a… thing.”
“It wouldn’t work out, Katie.”
Every time she says my name like that, I want to shiver. This time, I go for it, letting my whole body display what she does to me. “After this weekend, that is very clear.”
“It’s nobody’s fault. Just how we are.”
“That’s the thing.” I can’t believe I’m saying this. I can’t even believe I’ve been constantly thinking about this for days. Every time I close my eyes, I see her towering over me, whispering filth into my ear as she gets ready to smack me, hold me down, lose herself all over me. I’m disgusted and turned on all at once. “What if it’s not how I am?”
She’s intrigued but listening.
“What if I am a switch?”
“Katie…”
“I’m serious. What we did Saturday night was hot. No, I wasn’t ready for a lot of it… but I think I could do it again in the future.”
“Katie.”
“No, listen to me. I couldn’t be your full-time sub, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to keep exploring…” Does she want to say something? I don’t let her. “There’s a lot we could offer each other in that department.”
“You’re talking about trying to submit some more?”
“Yes. I could only do it with you.”
Ira leans forward, those sharp eyes of hers coming dangerously close even though she’s still an easy five feet away. “Why?”
I feel vulnerable. More vulnerable than when I was handcuffed to her bed. “I trust you,” I try to say with conviction. However, my voice trembles. Only a little.