Page 165 of Sloane

“I will do whatever you think is best.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, Sloane. Do you want to be a part of her life?”

Of course I did, I just didn’t know if that was what was best for her.

I avoided the question and instead said, “I would like to start paying you child support, including back payments.”

“I told you before, I don’t need your money.”

“So put it in an account for Millie’s college fund.”

She stared at me for a beat, then said, “You’re not going to answer me are you?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Are you kidding me? It’s not a difficult question. Do. You. Want. To. See. Millie. Share custody once you’re able to. Fucking yes or no.”

“I’m sure I will want to.”

“When.”

It wasn’t a question, but more of a demand.

“I don’t know. If I go back overseas…”

Ashley glared at me in disbelief, then slowly shook her head.

“You’re not the man I thought you were.”

“No shit. I tried telling you that nine months ago.”

“No. It’s one thing to not want to be with me, but not wanting to be there for your kid? That’s a whole ‘nother level. You’re a coward.”

She waited for me to become offended and defend myself. Offer up an explanation about why she was wrong.

But I had nothing. Because she was right.

“I’ll sign any papers you want terminating my rights, so you don’t have to worry about me coming back in the future.”

Her tone sounded defeated when she murmured, “Yeah, I’ll see about getting those drawn up,” then walked toward the door.

Pausing at the threshold, she looked back at me with a sad smile.

“Good luck, Sloane. I really do hope you find happiness again someday.”

Since she was taking my heart with her, I didn’t see how that was possible.

She continued. “Don’t worry about Millie; I’ll love her enough for both of us.”

I swallowed hard.

“I know you will.”

After she left, I sat on my bed and festered in self-loathing. I welcomed the pain I felt from the gaping hole in my heart. It was exactly what I deserved.

****

Ashley

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