“Not now,” he replied coldly.

“I understand that you’re upset—”

“You don’t understand anything about what I’m feeling right now,” he seethed. I tried placing a gentle hand on his chest, but he stepped out of reach again. He wouldn’t even let me touch him. How had we gotten here? With every step he retreated—with every touch he rejected—my chest ached. He could have ripped my heart from my body and caused me less pain. This wasn’t the Matteo I’d grown to care for. He’d never outright rejected me like this before.

I didn’t think I could handle this. I’d opened myself up to him. I never opened myself to anybody, but for Matteo, I was willing to give everything. I’d never felt this way about anyone. I’d altered my entire life to fit into his, and I’d only told him the truth because I wanted this to work. I needed it to work.

Had I been foolish to think I could have it all? To think I could have Matteo, Callum, and a family together?

I had to find a way to get him to speak to me. If he told me how to fix it, I would. I would do anything to make this right. I couldn’t take the cold shoulder. I couldn’t handle the way he looked at me with such dead, emotionless eyes.

“Then talk to me.” Please, I wanted to beg. Please give me something. Anything. Let me show you how much I care for you.

I couldn’t force more words from my lips. My throat felt tight with unshed tears, and I tried to clear it. I tried so damn hard to push the emotions away, but the thought of losing him because of this lie tore me apart in a way I couldn’t describe.

He opened his mouth, but he shut it immediately, shaking his head. “I’m not willing to talk about this right now. There are too many other important matters at hand. When we figure them out, we can talk.”

He went to turn away, but I grabbed his arm again, pulling him to a stop. I knew he could easily jerk away and continue forward, but he didn’t.

“I know why you’re shutting me out. I do. I did something fucked up, and I know it. But you have to understand why I made that decision. If anyone knew of his lineage, he wouldn’t be safe. Hell, if people learn about it now, he still won’t be safe. I didn’t want him to be part of this life. I still don’t. But there isn’t another choice. I want to be with you, Matteo. I want that so damn bad that I’m willing to risk everything.”

“There is always another choice. You chose wrong.”

But I didn’t think I had. I regretted my choice for the sake of Matteo. Matteo didn’t deserve this, but Callum was alive and thriving because of the decision I’d made three years ago. I wasn’t sure if I’d do it differently.

His eyes narrowed as he took a step forward. “You don’t think you chose wrong?” he asked. “I can see it on your fucking face. You don’t think you made a mistake.”

“There’s more to it than that,” I backtracked. I wouldn’t lie. Not again.

He scoffed. “What else is there?”

“If I would have stayed, what are the chances he would have been killed by an enemy or harmed by being in the wrong place at the wrong time? How many dead bodies would he have seen? How many weapons would he be exposed to? We were safe in Italy, and for the first two years of his life, I didn’t have to worry about anything other than making a home for us and bedtimes and naps each day. I do regret lying to you. I’ll regret it every day for the rest of my life. But I don’t regret keeping him safe. You have to believe that if you were the only factor, I would have chosen you every time.”

“He’s here now,” Matteo reminded me.

“This is where he’d be safest now. They killed my family and are hunting for me, so running isn’t an option. I need to be equipped to protect us, and I am as long as I stay here. This wasn’t a threat back then, so staying away was the best choice.”

I still couldn’t read him. I couldn’t read anything that he was thinking or feeling on his face. “If you don’t want to talk about it, fine,” I muttered, trying to hold back the tears that worked up the back of my throat. I took a step away from him. “I hate that I hurt you. You’re the only person aside from Callum I care about this deeply, but having a child means putting them first. I’ll continue doing that. He will always come first, and if that hurts you, I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry. But we can’t work through it if you won’t talk to me.”

My mind reeled around my options. What would I do if Matteo didn’t forgive me? What would I do if he wouldn’t so much as consider forgiving me? I knew that the truth would come between us, but I’d hoped we could work through it.

I hadn’t even considered what I’d do if he wasn’t willing to work through it.

His nearly black eyes bore into me. I didn’t think I was getting through to him, so I changed the subject, hoping to connect on something.

“Were the people you collected debts from today related to the war with the Russians?” I asked.

His cold expression shifted to something like curiosity. “Loosely,” he admitted.

I’d hoped I was wrong. I knew he was upset with me on a personal level, but this wasn’t personal. This was the second reason I’d stayed here. I stayed for him, and I stayed for revenge. He was closing himself off to me, but I thought I’d at least be included in our revenge plot.

“Okay,” I exhaled. “You can be pissed at me. I understand that you need time to cope with our personal issues. But I’m still here to do a job. I still plan on working with you to kill Vlad and Aelita. You’re not going to leave me out of the loop after I’ve gone this far.”

“I can handle it,” he finally replied, his jaw tensing.

I gaped at his words. He could handle it? There was no “he” in this situation. It was us. We’d publicly declared an alliance, and it had been my brother who had been killed. I was here for justice, and I had done everything to ensure that justice was done. The cold shoulder act had my chest throbbing with sadness, but I could handle it. I could justify that. I’d hurt him, and this was how he coped with it.

But this?