Page 36 of Mafia Don's Secret Baby

I sat on the curb in front of the house, my head in my hands as I tried to justify the rest of my feelings. I wasn’t Don. I didn’t want to be Don. Marcus had said it in good humor, and I knew he meant nothing by the comments. I had no obligation to take my father’s role.

But I couldn’t stop considering the way I’d felt recently.

Why had I been bored by the prospect of everyday life? The exhilaration I felt at the prospect of finding Vlad and Aelita wasn’t only because of the justice I deserved, and I knew that.

I was looking forward to the chase.

I heard as Matteo’s even footfalls approached behind me. I glanced back at him and found him standing directly behind me, both hands in his pockets.

“I thought you’d be excited about this news,” he said.

I paused. What could I tell him?

“I don’t know what I feel.”

“I can take care of it if you don’t want to be involved anymore.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “I’m here because I want to be involved in this. It’s—” God, how did I even put these feelings into words? “I’m excited by the thought of killing them. I feel like this is the part of the crime life I most wanted to leave behind, but the prospect of danger is exciting to me. I never used to feel that way. I loved the idea of a normal life, but in the past few days, the normalcy has felt boring.”

“Normalcy is boring,” Matteo argued.

“For you,” I said, my voice raising slightly. “For someone like you, it would be boring. You don’t have the limitations that a normal person has. I want to be a normal person.”

“Do you?”

Do I?

The question hit home. I didn’t want to be normal, but I did want to be safe. I wanted the benefits of a normal life without the boringness of it. Being here with Matteo has been exhilarating in a way I couldn’t put into words. But I’m only here because of tragedy.

If I stayed, would there be more tragedy that followed?

I had to be honest with him. I’d lied to Matteo enough.

“This lifestyle wasn’t something I thought I wanted. I left because of that.” I took a deep breath. “Then I went and started a career that adds danger to my life. I think I’ve always liked the exhilaration of potential danger, but on the flip side, I want the safest possible life for Callum.” I took a long breath and pushed myself to my feet as I turned to Matteo. “I feel like you’ve been trying to convince me to stay, and that can’t happen.”

“I haven’t asked you to stay.”

Matteo looked so calm and collected as he spoke, almost as if this conversation meant nothing to him.

“You don’t want me to stay?” I asked.

“I didn’t say that, either.”

“Damn it, Matteo. Just tell me what you want!” I shouted.

My words echoed down the street, and the silence Matteo left between us scolded me. He said nothing for a long moment as he stared at me. He looked at me like I was a puzzle beneath his gaze.

“You’re not sure how you feel right now,” Matteo remarked, stepping forward and looking into my eyes. “You’re happy that we finally have a lead, but you’re just beginning to realize that after growing up in the mafia life, it’s not as easy to leave behind as you’d once thought. There were parts of it that you liked, and you won’t acknowledge that. Instead, you’re trying to frame this narrative that the mafia is entirely bad. You’re trying to convince yourself of that, but I don’t fit your narrative. I can’t fit it, because you feel something for me that isn’t bad or negative.”

“I—” I couldn’t find words as he uncovered every single one of my emotions.

“You don’t want to stay here because you don’t want to admit that you want this life. You won’t stay because you think that Callum is safer elsewhere. But once we take out Vlad, you’re not considering that Callum is safer under my protection than he would be anywhere else in the world.”

The only thing I could think to say slipped from my lips before I could stop it. “I don’t want to stay.”

The words felt slimy. They felt like a lie, and the narrowing of Matteo’s eyes told me that he sensed it, too. He knew the truth as well as I did.

If it wasn’t for all the risks, staying with him didn’t sound so bad.

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