Page 26 of Toxic Wishes

“What?” I say tersely, jerking my head in her direction, then back at my dad. “Maybe if I use the word Fuck it will remind you that F is the worst grade to get, not C for Coward.”

“Now, you two, let’s not discuss this at dinner time.” My mom turns to face my dad, but he’s too busy glaring at me. “She’s doing great, Micheal. Why are you pestering her? Just let her eat her food,” my mom says.

I look down, and a text comes through my phone.

Hey, sweetheart, what are you up to?”

Ten seconds later, another one comes in.

I need a favor. Can you help me, Abs?

I reach to grab my phone.

“You know I don’t like phones at the dinner table.” My dad says as he takes another bite of his chili.

I roll my eyes. “Well, I don’t like y-”

“Honey, let's just finish eating, and then you can text your friend back.” My mom interjects.

Friend. Yeah, because I can’t have more than a friend, and she knows it. This is another secret jab they don’t think I’m aware of.

“I’m not hungry.” I push my bowl away from me.

“Honey, you barely ate anything. You have to eat, you’re still a little underweight.”

I was so tired of being monitored when it came to my eating. I wanted to eat everything in sight and then throw it up later just as a big fuck you to both my parents.

My mom never stood up to my dad because he made the money. She knows he treated me differently, and for years, she stood by and watched, but I was getting sick and tired of it. I take a bite of chili and chew, then another one and another one until my stomach hurts from eating so fast.

Abs, you there?

“Done. May I be excused now,” I say with a mouthful of food.

“Do you not want your cornbread?” My mom asks softly.

“No, I’m full.”

“Well, wait ten minutes, and you can be excused. I don’t want you wasting food by throwing it up,” my dad says, his attention back on his precious bowl of chili.

Taken back by his brutal tone and embarrassing words, I stare at him and wonder why the hell I was ever born. Why did they even want a second child if this is how they would treat one? I might have been left off the hook like my sister and cousins if I had been slightly more perfect-looking, but life had a way of making everything ten times harder on me.

My phone continues to buzz, making me remember I haven’t responded to Blake's message, which gave me a little satisfaction since I was pissed at him, too, right now. I went to his house, and I knew he saw me sitting in front of his home for four hours, and now he wants to act like I exist again? When has he been avoiding me at school, too? My sister’s right, men love the chase. Well fuck him, and fuck my dad for being so damn insensitive to everything I’ve gone through. And while I’m at it fuck my mom for being weak and not leaving his ass after he cheated, not the first time but the second time.

I glare at my dad’s balding head and my mom’s obliviousness as she continues to talk about something on the news she saw earlier. My leg shakes as I count down the minutes before I’m dismissed.

My phone starts ringing, and when I look at the screen, I see it’s Blake. What the hell? He never calls me.

Now, both my legs start to shake impatiently, and my dad must feel the tension because he looks up at me and then at my phone before saying, “You can be excused.”

I pushed my seat back so quickly that it made a shrieking noise. I grabbed my phone, squeezed it tight, and stormed into my room.

12

Abigail

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.”-Bob Marley

I started pacing back and forth before I decided to call him. After about ten minutes of contemplation, I chose not to.

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