Page 36 of Dropping Like Flies

“Friends. I know it wasn’t just me you cut out of your life.”

“I have friends.”

“Cade doesn’t count. He wouldn’t have seen you for dust if he didn’t happen to be your employer as well. No doubt you would have severed those ties as well if it wasn’t for the fact that you can’t live on thin air.” There was a ring of truth to that. Still pining for the loss of contact, I reached for Ben’s hand. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he yanked it away. He didn’t though, letting me tangle his fingers with mine, the skin to skin contact immediately making me feel better. “And your work colleagues don’t count either,” Ben continued.

I pulled a face before I could think better of it, a furrow appearing on Ben’s brow. “What’s wrong with your work colleagues?”

Ben and I had been together for the early inception of the PPB, but at that point, I’d been the only necromancer until Cade had recruited more. “Where do I start?” I drawled. “Calisto’s a bona fide saint who’s too good to be true. And John…?”

“John?” Ben queried when I didn’t immediately elaborate, seeming genuinely interested.

“John’s never had a thought he didn’t choose to share, and there’s very little sugarcoating when he does. And then he has the nerve to walk around like everyone’s got a vendetta against him and none of it is his fault.”

“I like him already,” Ben said with a smile. “Maybe I’ll get to meet him one day.”

“You’ll have a job on. He’s currently suspended.”

“What did he do?”

“He raised an army of the dead.”

“Huh!” Ben quirked an eyebrow. “Never a dull moment in the PPB.”

“I wouldn’t know. I’m not there anywhere near as much as I should be. Cade should have fired me a long time ago.” That was the first time I’d admitted that out loud. It seemed like tonight was a night for a lot of firsts. Among them realizing just how self-destructive my behavior had been. It was a wonder anyone gave me the time of day.

“He wouldn’t have done that,” Ben said. “He knew how emotionally crushed you were by Whitney’s death. You were lucky you had a boss like him.”

“Yeah.”

My lids were getting heavy, the emotions of the night catching up to me. “Tell me what you’ve been up to?”

Ben did, his voice so soothing I barely heard a thing before I fell asleep.

I awoke to darkness, the light in the hotel room now off. I’d fallen asleep fully dressed, but now only wore my underwear, meaning Ben must have undressed me before tucking me under the covers. I lifted my head, enough light coming through the hotel curtains to see him fast asleep on the other side of the bed, the sight making me feel better. Now that I’d slept some, I felt cleansed, like the release of emotion and talking about things had unstoppered a bottle and let something thick and cloying escape from it.

Wasn’t that what I’d always feared, though? That talking would make things better? Wasn’t that why I’d always fought tooth and nail against her name ever being brought up? Because I didn’t deserve to feel better about it. Cutting Ben out of my life hadn’t just been about punishing myself. Ben would have been the one person who got me to talk. He’d proved that tonight. Therefore, my resolve wouldn’t have lasted two minutes. So I’d removed him from my life, breaking both our hearts in the process and sentencing us both to a life that could never be fulfilling without the other in it.

The question was, what happened now?

I shifted closer to Ben, the give of the mattress making him stir but not wake. It was like I was a moth and he was my flame. His shoulders were bare, his position on his side leaving one tantalizingly close. Either he was naked beneath the sheets or he was wearing just his underwear, either option making the breath catch in my throat.

Unable to resist, I dropped a kiss on his shoulder, the skin velvety soft beneath my lips and so damn familiar. If I’d thought I could leave it at that, like it was a thank you for putting me to bed, nothing more than a chaste goodnight kiss, I’d been fooling myself. Of course, it wasn’t enough. It never would be.

The curve of his neck was too enticing, my lips following it to drop soft butterfly kisses all the way to his jaw, Ben’s stubble prickly.

“Griff?”

I froze, like a naughty child caught in the act. Had I really thought he’d stay conveniently asleep? I hadn’t thought at all, though, had I? That was the problem. I’d let the damn fated mate’s bond take over, a naked or half naked Ben so close, just too tempting despite the entire ocean that had passed under our bridge.

With Ben now awake, I either needed to return to my side of the bed and act like nothing had happened, leaving us both in purgatory. Or give into it. Admit that we couldn’t co-exist in the same space without our base instincts coming into play.

While I fought to decide, Ben rolled onto his back and stared up at me, his expression unguarded. “You better not be starting something you don’t intend to finish, Caldwell.”

I ran my fingers over his jaw. Over his cheekbone. His brow. Before finally letting them trail over his lips. “I meant it when I said I’d missed you.”

“I know.”

“It was like—”

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