Page 23 of Deader than Dead

“The future.” And how cold and lonely it will seem after this.

To my surprise, Bellamy was quiet, too. “There are some things I should tell you. I should have probably told you already, but…”

He trailed off, the way he’d suddenly stopped, making me raise my head from the pillow to study his face. It was creased with worry. Whatever it was weighed on him, apparently. “Not now,” I said. What was the point in him confessing to something he didn’t need to? “Tomorrow.”

He nodded. “Tomorrow.” He let out a breath, relief emanating from him.

I stared up at the ceiling, long after Bellamy had drifted off to sleep, coming to a decision. I couldn’t be here when it happened. I couldn’t bear to feel him go stiff and cold in my arms. That wasn’t a memory I wanted to have. I wanted to remember him the way he’d been when we’d had sex: hot and giving; seductive and free.

It was a slow process to extricate myself without waking him, Bellamy determined to cling on, but eventually I managed it. I took myself to the couch in the living room and, with the first rays of the morning sun making themselves known, I fell asleep.

Chapter Fourteen

John

Despite it tasting of nothing, I brought the piece of toast to my mouth, ripped off another piece with my teeth, and chewed methodically. Normality. That word had become my mantra since I’d woken. I needed to carry on and pretend that everything was normal and then it would be. So, I’d made coffee and toast and I’d sat down at the kitchen table to have breakfast. And if I hadn’t gone into the bedroom, that was just because I hadn’t needed to go in there. It was nothing to do with not wanting to see the corpse that my bed would now contain.

I forced down another mouthful of toast, washing it down with a gulp of coffee when it proved resistant to being swallowed. My phone rang, and I jumped. Cade again. No surprise that he was calling. With the clock just a smidgen away from eleven, I was close to three hours late for work. It was a wonder he’d left it this long.

The phone stopped without a message being left, and then it started up again. Normality. On a normal day, I would answer the phone. Feeling like every movement was like wading through molasses, I picked up the phone and accepted the call. I said nothing, though.

“John?”

There was an edge to Cade’s voice. Guilt, maybe?

“Who else would be answering my phone?”

Cade’s release of breath was audible. “I called you multiple times yesterday, and you didn’t answer.”

“I was busy.”

“You’re pissed at me.” I fell silent again, refusing to give him the satisfaction of confirming it. The silence stretched on, Cade eventually answering his own question. “Of course you are. You probably feel you’re owed some sort of explanation.” I could imagine him sat at his desk rubbing his temples the way he did when he found something tiresome to talk about. “It’s complicated.”

I let out a laugh, making sure that it was loud enough for Cade to hear it. “You walked me straight into a hornet’s nest without giving me proper warning.”

“If I’d warned you, you wouldn’t have gone.”

“Too right, I wouldn’t have. I’m not an idiot. I guess I’m the expendable one.”

“What?” Cade sounded genuinely confused.

“Why send me instead of Calisto or Griffin? And don’t give me that bullshit about me being on the clock. You’ve had Calisto start early plenty of times.”

“You’re the dependable one, John, the one I trust. You can handle yourself. You’re adaptable enough to roll with the punches.”

Was Cade being nice? That was just plain weird. He never had good things to say about me. Not to my face, anyway.

“I assume it went well?” Cade asked.

“Why? Because I’m alive?”

“Just answer the question,” Cade said, impatience leaching into his tone. “I need to know.”

Fucking bastard! No apology. No, nothing. A few compliments didn’t make up for him putting my life in danger. The only way he could have made things worse was by getting Asher to call me instead of doing it himself. Perhaps I was supposed to be grateful for the gift of his time. Well, he could stick that up his ass. “No, it didn’t go well. They’d lied about how long he’d been dead. There was nothing I could do.” I accompanied my words with a glance toward the bedroom.

“Shit.”

“Yeah, shit. They weren’t too happy about the outcome.” I didn’t give Cade a chance to interject. “And in case you haven’t already worked it out, I’m not coming into work today. I worked late on the world’s shittiest job where it was a miracle I didn’t get my brains blown out when I couldn’t do what they wanted, so I think I’m owed some time.” I silently dared Cade to argue.

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