Page 11 of Pucks and Likes

This is the perfect time to tell them.

I just don’t think I can.

I exhale heavily as the guilt of hiding my pregnancy wears on my soul. I need to tell someone, but I feel like it should be the father. But doing so would involve me speaking to him, and since that hasn’t happened in six months, I doubt it will anytime soon. I know he wants nothing to do with me. Why would he? When he walked out of that hotel room that night, he didn’t look back. I had hurt him. I had rejected him. I thought I’d be okay with my decision. I protected myself, I kept him at arm’s length, but fate being the cunt she is, he left something behind.

With a heart and a head and a soul.

And hopefully with his eyes and lips and curls.

I press my hand to my stomach and gaze at myself. I hate the guilt that I struggle with every time I do this. I shouldn’t feel guilt when I’m growing a human, but I do. I hate lying to everyone I love and, even more, preventing Alex from knowing the truth. The alternative of coming clean, though, makes me physically sick. How will everyone react? Will they hate me? I feel if I wait until I have it, then they can’t be that mad because they’ll be distracted by the cute little baby.

Yes, I’m a coward. And yes, it’s pathetic.

I push my long locks of dark hair off my shoulders and pull my shirt away from my body once more before heading out into the shop. As I walk by the counter, Eliza calls out to me, “El, here is your smoothie.”

I make a detour, taking it from her with a grin. “Thanks, sis.”

She beams at me, and I love how bright and happy she is. She’s always been full of optimism and very sunny, but Coleson Katz makes my sister shine even brighter. Even though the big lug can’t walk without his walker yet, he isn’t far behind her, leaning on the counter and watching her with such love in his eyes. I sort of feel bad for clocking him in the eye last year, but I still don’t like that he used my sister to fix his reputation. In a way, though, and by the smirk on his lips, I know she fixed more than his reputation. Not that I’m surprised. Eliza is a gift to anyone who gets to love her.

And he got called up, which was the goal. Even if it ended way too soon, he will always have Eliza.

Lucky lug.

Eliza falls into step with me, her arm locking with mine, and I tense up under her embrace. Please God, don’t hug me, I think as we head to where our sisters are gathered. Eliza is the shortest of us all, so when she leans into me, it’s into my bicep, and I pray she’ll stay right there. When we all first saw one another, I sucked in my stomach so hard and hoped that my kid was okay. Since they kicked me in revenge, I figure they’re good and take after me in that sense.

I can be a bit violent.

My brother-in-law can verify that.

As I sit down, I bring my legs up, crisscrossing my ankles so that my shirt flows more. We’re all gathered in our favorite spot on the couches in the corner. Austen sits beside me, sipping on her hot tea before wrapping an arm around my shoulders. She kisses my temple, and I beam up at her.

“How are you?” she asks, chucking my chin.

I nod. “Good. Working a lot, taking care of the bookstore, you know…doing me.”

She nods. “Good. You should come up to Nashville for a weekend. We can go to Broadway and have fun.”

Yeah, I can’t do that. “Sure! I’ll look at my schedule. With the Bears going into the postseason, I’ll be busy with all that.”

“For sure,” she agrees, squeezing my shoulder. “I love all the things you post. The thirst traps are my favorite.”

I snort. “Everyone loves them. Especially the single guys. They’re getting all the attention.”

“Speaking of single guys, Ciaran is not one, and we want to have a wedding this summer,” Louisa says, and I scoff at her proclamation. All of us grin at her as she smiles widely back at us. “We want to do it in the bookshop.”

Eliza squeals. “I love it. How incredibly sweet!”

“It’s perfect,” Clara adds. “When I get married, I’m only inviting you guys and my dog clients.”

I roll my eyes. I’m pretty sure if Clara didn’t have to talk to people and could just talk to dogs, she would. “I think it’s great,” I add, since I feel I need to.

Louisa’s face flushes, and man, she’s so in love. “It would be just us, Peepaw, and Ciaran’s mom—oh, sorry, and dates. No, Clara, you can’t bring a dog.” Clara glares as I giggle. “But I’m not sure when since Austen is going to Russia for a month, and I’m not sure what’s going on with Coleson’s surgery this summer.”

Austen waves her off. “You tell me when, and we’ll be there.”

“And Coleson’s surgery isn’t until August, so we’re good,” Eliza adds with an excited wiggle to her body. She’s so damn cute.

I should probably say that I’m due at the end of July, but that would involve me telling them that I’m pregnant.

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