Page 76 of Broken Instrument

On the floor with a guitar cradled to his chest sits Sonny. He lifts his chin toward the guitar stand next to his door where another red-lacquered acoustic guitar is resting and orders, “Help me out with this, would you?”

My hand flexes at my side as I grab the neck of the guitar and sit down beside him. But I don’t say a word. I feel like my vocal cords are paralyzed. Like I couldn’t use them if I tried. There’s too much left unsaid, and most of it’s on me.

He plays a string of chords, his brows furrowing. He shakes his head, oblivious to my inner turmoil. Or he’s ignoring it. Regardless, a few seconds later, he looks up at me like everything’s good between us and says, “This part. It doesn’t sound right to me. What do you think?”

I replay the same string of chords, my face scrunching with concentration as I focus on something other than the mess I’ve made. “You’re right. Something’s off. Maybe try this.” I pluck out a few more notes, changing the melody from C to C minor, then add a second variation which builds as the song goes on.

Sonny nods his approval and picks up where I left off. We continue going back and forth until another song is in the books. One sure to be a hit. Sonny stops strumming and looks at me. Really looks at me. Without malice or frustration. Simply an open sincerity I’ve been craving for months.

“You were right, Fen,” he admits.

I glance at him as my lips press into a thin line.

“You were right. I didn’t know I needed the spotlight until I met Dove. I didn’t know I wanted to be up on a stage until I had a taste of it. When we first created Broken Vows, we agreed I would stay behind the scenes. It’s what I thought I wanted. And then, when everything went down, I realized I wanted more from my career. I realized how much being onstage meant to me. But I want you to know I never wanted to take your place. I never looked at you like you were competition. I still don’t look at you like you’re competition,” he clarifies. “You’re my brother. We started this together, and I wanted to finish it together. But after talking with Dove, I guess I also understand why you might want to start fresh again. Why you might need a fresh start. Why you might feel like you aren’t welcome, even though you are. The rest of the band and I would kill to have you back again. You were the face of Broken Vows, Fen.”

I open my mouth to argue, but he cuts me off.

“Let me finish.”

My mouth snaps shut, and I nod at him, urging him to continue.

“I’m sorry Dove and I may have inadvertently changed the face of Broken Vows while you were away. It doesn’t mean the fans don’t want you anymore, though. And it doesn’t mean we can’t change it again to fit all three of us. We’re a team, Fen. We’ll always be a team.”

We’re a team.

The words echo in my mind and combined with his apology and everything else he said, it makes me feel lighter somehow. Like we’re going to be okay. No matter what I decide to do with my career. I’m not a burden or his little brother he feels obligated to look after. We’re equals. Both in and out of the music industry. I didn’t know how much I needed to hear it until now.

Mindlessly, I play another few chords on the guitar in my lap as I try to figure out what the hell I want out of life and my future with Broken Vows. I set the guitar aside on the carpet and release a slow breath.

“I appreciate that, Sonny. You have no idea how much. But I think you’re right. When I was in rehab, I had a lot of time to analyze my surroundings and why I kept slipping.” I glance up at him and swallow thickly as the memories from all the times I’d screwed up hit like a wrecking ball while knowing they’re never going away. I can’t erase them. They’ll probably haunt me for the rest of my life, and there’s nothing I can do about it except embrace my past mistakes and try to never make them again.

“I think I was using you as a crutch, Sonny,” I admit. “I knew you’d always be there to pick me up again. I knew the band was always there to cover for me when I’d screw up. I think it was enabling me to continue spiraling. And while I appreciate your support and the way you guys are willing to let me back in with open arms, after taking a step back, I’ve realized I think I do need a fresh start. Even though it’s been hard, I need to do this on my own. But I want you to know you’re still my closest family. You’re still my big brother. I gotta do this on my own.”

He scans my face carefully, absorbing my expression the same way he’s absorbed my words. Then he nods and slaps my back in a way that would be an asshole move if it weren’t from my brother. “The door’s always open with Broken Vows. The rest of the band agrees. But I get why you’d want to go on your own.”

“Thanks, Son. You don’t know how much it means to me.”

“I’m here for you,” he adds.

“I’m here for you too.”

“And congrats on the charity concert,” he continues. “You should’ve heard how jealous Stoker was when we found out.”

I throw my head back and laugh. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. You deserve it. But don’t be surprised if I call you every once in a while to see if you wanna do a crossover song or two.”

The idea makes me grin. “Sounds good, man. I’m in.”

“Good. So, where’s your phone?”

I grimace and shift on my ass to pull it out. “Why?”

“You should call Dad.” He motions to my cell.

“What?”

“Call Dad,” he repeats.

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