Page 62 of Broken Instrument

What?

I bite my lip, more confused than ever. “Why?”

“I just can’t.”

“But last night––”

“I didn’t touch you.”

“I know, but––”

“I can’t have sex without craving drugs, and I promised myself I wouldn’t go down that road again or even get close to it. Yeah, last night didn’t blow up in my face, but who’s to say it won’t the next time? I’ve already pushed the boundaries enough. Sorry to disappoint you, Hads, but I’m broken. I’m a sad, pathetic, broken man with an addiction that will never let me go.”

My heart cracks. I scoot closer to him and grab his face, forcing him to look at me. “You’re not sad or pathetic or broken, Fender.”

He scoffs but leans into my touch and closes his eyes, giving me hope.

Maybe I’m not the only one who can feel what’s growing between us.

“You’re a human who’s choosing to be stronger than his addiction,” I tell him. “And it’s something admirable. It’s brave. Not only are you admitting your weakness out loud, you’re owning up to it, facing it on a daily basis. That’s huge, Fen. It’s something my brother has struggled to do for decades. And yeah, maybe you should steer clear of sex for a while if you’re afraid it’ll push you over the edge, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be intimate with someone.”

He scoffs again. Hell, I can almost taste his self-loathing as it taints the air around us. But I’m not about to give up. I’m not about to let him think he’s doomed to live a life alone, all because he has a demon who refuses to let him go.

“We were intimate last night,” I remind him. “We cuddled. You held me. That’s intimate, and it’s exactly what I needed.”

He pries his eyelids open, his gaze shining with vulnerability and disappointment.

“And if it’s all I can give you?” he asks, his voice quiet yet almost hopeful.

My heart feels like it’s beating a million beats per minute as I lean closer and brush my lips against his. Softly. Like I’m afraid I’ll startle him, and he’ll run in the opposite direction if I’m not careful. And he might.

But he doesn’t. He lets me kiss him. And what’s more? He kisses me back, his lips melting beneath mine with a staggering intimacy. It’s earth-shattering. It’s more than a casual hook-up with a stranger. It’s real and meaningful and so damn addictive I have to stop myself from straddling his lap in hopes of bringing us closer.

Because I do crave the closeness. But only with him.

With our foreheads still pressed together, I pull away from his expert mouth and whisper, “I’m not asking for your heart or your future, Fen. I’m asking for a chance. A chance to see if this can go where I think it can if you can let me in and trust me. Do you think you can give that to me?”

He cups my cheeks, the calluses from playing his guitar tickling my sensitive skin as he breathes me in. Like I’m a different kind of addiction, but one with the potential to be just as dangerous.

“And my brother?” His voice is low and throaty.

“Can go screw himself. I’m a big, strong girl. And he’s a pathetic piece of shit if he thinks he can use me to get to you. You should call the police.”

“And say what, exactly?” he asks. “My brother’s trying to blackmail me into giving him money and access to my future without being able to give them any real evidence to prove it?”

He’s got a point. But I hate seeing how worried he is. It isn’t fair.

“I don’t get it,” I admit. “Why is he so invested in ruining you for money? Especially when his dad is the infamous rockstar, Donny Hayes. He’s your brother.”

“Half-brother,” Fen clarifies. “He’s also a jealous asshole who’s pissed our dad cut him off because of his influence on me. Marty wants to get back at me for ruining his life, and he isn’t afraid of taking what’s important to me if it gets him what he wants.”

My breath hitches as my gaze drops to his mouth, convinced I’ve heard him wrong. “Am I important to you, Fen?”

With a soft kiss to my forehead, he murmurs, “Yeah, Hads. I think you are. And it scares the shit out of me.”

I smile even though he can’t see me and rest my forehead against his chin, breathing deep. “We’ll figure it out.”

21

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