Page 92 of Broken Instrument

As beads of sweat drip down my neck and absorb into the back of my white T-shirt, I note the lack of light filtering through the family room window. It’s late. I check my phone to see how long we’ve been working and whether or not I’m brave enough to call Fender and apologize or if I should do it face to face. Because if I’ve learned anything from my conversation with Mia, it’s that I should stop assuming things. Especially someone’s motivations behind their actions. And I plan on rectifying it as soon as possible…if Fender will give me the chance.

32

HADLEY

It feels weird being here, quieter somehow, but I lift my hand and force my knuckles against the hard door anyway. I didn’t run over here after my talk with Mia. I wanted to clear my head and make sure I wasn’t rushing into anything. But after missing Fender like crazy combined with the emotions of the last few days? It’s clearer than ever. I need to see him. The only problem is, I have no idea whether or not he’s on tour or if he even wants to talk to me after the way I left. And I wouldn’t blame him either way.

He tried reaching out at first until…they stopped. His texts. His voicemails. And it only made me more insecure. And weak. For keeping my distance. For taking some time to myself to look at the situation from all angles, knowing if I go back, I’m all in. And I want to be all in with Fender more than anything else in the world.

I nibble on a hangnail and stare at the closed door for a few more seconds, doubt and indecision eating away at me before it creaks open to reveal the other Hayes brother.

“Hadley?”

“Hey,” I murmur, my voice rusty from lack of use. Or hell, maybe it’s the nerves. I’m definitely stepping outside of my comfort zone for this, so it wouldn’t surprise me. Still, I clear my throat and try again. “Mind if I come in?”

A cool, detached Gibson steps aside and invites me in with a small wave of his hand.

“Thanks. So…” I turn on my heel and take in the empty house from the entryway. “It’s quiet in here.”

“Maddie, Milo, and Penny moved out last weekend, and Jake still spends most of his time at Evie’s. Riv and Reese are out promoting their new movie, so it’s just me and Dove for now until we find a place we like.”

With a jerky nod, I tuck my thumbs into the back pockets of my jeans and rock back on my heels. “Cool. So…have you talked to Fen lately?”

“About what?”

“Anything?” I offer. I can tell he’s mad at me, and I guess I don’t blame him. I was harsh with his brother. Too harsh. And even though I was hurting, it wasn’t fair. That’s on me.

“I told him to stop calling you. That you’d come around if and when you were ready.”

“Oh.” I bite the inside of my cheek, then force out, “So, I assume he told you about what happened?”

“Yeah. He screwed up, and you broke his heart without waiting for an explanation. That about sums it up, doesn’t it?” He folds his arms, his eyes reminding me of a pissed-off falcon about ready to swoop down and eat me alive.

“I was wrong,” I admit. “I lashed out, and it wasn’t fair to Fender. He’d done nothing wrong. If he wanted to take the stupid drugs, he could’ve at any time, but he never did. I shouldn’t have assumed––”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Gibson interrupts. “I’m not mad you yelled at him for keeping the drugs. You were right on that front. He might’ve been strong at that moment, but he won’t always be strong. None of us are, and having any kind of temptation in the house would only wreck him in the long run.”

Surprised and confused, I whisper, “Oh.” I tuck my hair behind my ear but can’t find the courage to look at him as I ask, “So why are you…?”

“Mad?” he finishes for me.

I nod but keep my attention on the polished hardwood floor beneath my sneakers. There are no Pixie or toddler footprints marring it, proving how quiet this house is without the people who make it a home. I fold my arms, feeling cold and so damn alone.

“I’m mad because you told my brother you love him, but you ran at the first sign of trouble,” Gibson scolds. “Love is hard, Hadley. It’s especially hard when you love someone like Fender. Trust me. I know. Putting up with his shit over the years hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park. But he was trying. Actually, not only was he trying, but he was fucking killing it. He’d gotten his life back together, and he was being the strong one for you. When you were weak. When you needed a moment to breathe. To have someone hold you and tell you everything was going to be okay. He was there. He was the guy you needed him to be. And still, it wasn’t enough. Because even though the table hadn’t turned, and your roles weren’t even reversed, you still threw it in his face, making him believe he wasn’t worth the fight.” He folds his arms and leans against the railing in the entryway. “That’s bullshit.”

“You’re right. I was wrong, and I want to make it better.” I sigh and press my fingers to my lips as everything I assumed and said to him during our last conversation rises to the surface, making me feel even shittier. “I need him, Gibson. I need him more than anything. Probably more than he needs me, in all honesty, but I guess I’m selfish like that.”

Gibson’s mouth quirks up on one side. “That’s a load of bullshit too. You have no idea how much he needs you. How much he’s dying inside when you’re not around.” I sniffle, my heart cracking. “But I need you to promise me something, Hadley.”

“What?” I whisper, sucking my lower lip into my mouth to keep it from quivering.

“Promise you won’t run from him again. Not when he’s putting you first. I know your brother messed you up. And I know loving someone who battles addiction isn’t a walk in the park, but if he’s willing to put you first, I need to know you’re willing to put him first too. Even when it’s scary. Even when you have to be the strong one. I need to know you’ll be there for my brother the same way I know he’ll be there for you.”

“I promise.”

His chin dips, and he hooks his thumb over his shoulder toward the kitchen. “Then, come in. My laptop’s in the kitchen.”

“Laptop?”

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