Page 69 of Broken Instrument

“I said I’ll be right back,” he repeats and disappears into the studio. The warm night air only fans the heat in my veins, so I take a few slow breaths in and out.

Breathe, I remind myself, rubbing my hands from my forehead to my chin as I search my pockets for some freaking M&M’s, even though I know they won’t do shit. Not right now. Not when I know what two little walls are separating me from.

My encounter with Mia was different. Honestly, it was nothing compared to tonight. And I’m not sure why I was triggered in the studio when SeaBird felt like a walk in the park. Maybe it’s because I always crave something when I play music. Sometimes it’s worse than others, and today was a little rough, especially with my upcoming conversation with Broken Vows, but what happened in there? It was…worse somehow. And I can’t shake the urge to march back in there and snort the little bag’s contents up my nose.

But I can’t.

My hands vibrate as I push aside the bag of M&M’s and pull out my cell. With trembling fingers, I dial Hadley’s number. She answers on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“Hadley?” I choke out.

“Fen? What’s wrong?” The worry is clear in her voice and eases the vice around my chest. Not enough to breathe fully, but enough to allow just enough oxygen to enter my bloodstream.

“Hey,” I breathe out. “Where are you?”

“I’m at home. Why?”

“I miss you.”

“Miss you too. Are you okay? You sound…”

“Like I’m losing my mind?” I offer.

I can hear the smile in her voice as she murmurs, “Like you could use a hug. Do you want to come over?”

“Be there in ten.”

24

FENDER

I’m not entirely sure how I wind up on Hadley’s welcome mat, my mind was a chaotic mess of regret during the entire drive, but the door opens before I have a chance to knock.

“Hawthorne called,” she tells me. “I’m not sure how he got my number, but he knew you were hurting, so…” Her hair is a messy bun on top of her head as she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me against her. My spine melts, and I tug her toward me.

She’s so damn warm. So inviting. Like an anchor in my storm. My lungs expand as I breathe her in fully. Vanilla and blueberry. Probably from her lunchtime bagel.

Heaven.

“Missed you,” I murmur.

“You too. Are you okay?”

I nod against her, tucking my head into the crook of her neck.

“You sure?”

Another nod, then I shake my head. “No. I’m not.”

“Come in. Come sit down.” She takes me with her, and we both collapse onto the couch, a couple pillows falling to the floor when I pull her into my lap. With her knees on either side of my waist, we probably look like we’re about to have sex. When in reality? I’m just trying not to break. She wraps her arms around my neck and tickles the back of my scalp. Her touch is soothing. Like a balm to my aching soul. I squeeze her a little tighter, melting into the cushions.

I’m not sure how long we sit there in silence when her quiet voice slices through it like a hot knife through butter. “Want to talk about it?”

“The new band members. They asked if I wanted to party, and…” I squeeze my eyes shut, the memory almost more than I can bear.

“And what did you say?”

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