Page 49 of Fifty-Fifty

I can’t.

He came to me like a wreckin’ ball. Obliteratin’ me with a simple smirk and a devilish gleam in his eye. There ain’t no comin’ back from that.

“Okay,” I breathe. A tear of finality slides down my cheek as I close my eyes and let the overwhelmin’ loss wash over me.

Noah sighs in relief before pushin’ up the hem of my t-shirt and placin’ open-mouthed kisses along my exposed skin like I’m his new religion.

With tremblin’ hands, I stop his exploration.

He looks up at me from his crouched position. His eyes are shinin’ with awe, gratitude, and unrestrained lust. But it ain’t enough to wash away the feelin’ of loss sittin’ in my stomach.

“You need to go back to your room now, Noah.”

He shakes his head. “Why? I thought––”

“No.” I scoot back onto the mattress and away from the man who’s staring up at me with confusion. “I ain’t doin’ this with you, Noah. You got what you came for. You got your dream, and your money, and… everythin’ else. I just…” I wipe my hand against my cheek, spreadin’ the angry tears that seem to be flowin’ down my face. “I can’t do this. Not again. I can’t lose myself in someone who doesn’t feel the same way. I need you to go to your room now. I need you to pack up in the mornin’ and head back to where y'all came from. I’ll call Mr. Jenkins in the mornin’. He’ll draw up the papers and take care of everything. We don’t need your help, understand? Just… just go.”

I push away from him, then lay on my side with my back to the door as silent sobs wrack my entire soul.

I was once used for my body, and I now feel like I’ve been used for a few dollar signs on a check. It seems that neither man wanted me for me.

And it aches. So damn bad.

Chapter Seventeen

Noah

I wake up on the floor of my guest room at the inn. My head is pounding as the acid in my stomach starts creeping up my throat.

I rush to the bathroom before puking my guts out into the toilet.

After I’ve finished, I rest my head in my hands as flashes of the night before make themselves known.

The clock hanging on the wall shows me it’s after eleven in the morning, which means I’ve slept well past breakfast. My stomach roils at the thought.

I stay on the cold tile floor for another twenty minutes before picking my sorry ass up and taking a shower. The water is scalding hot, which gives me a good idea of where Beau’s head is at right now.

I remember what I asked of her. I remember her compliance. I remember the fight. I remember her telling me to leave. I remember it all.

Even though I wish I didn’t.

As the heated droplets pellet my skin, it confirms my suspicion. She’s not angry at me. She’s hurt.

And that’s so much worse.

Hastily, I dry myself off, though I don’t know why I’m rushing.

She made it clear that we’re over. That she’ll never forgive me for asking her to give up her dream for my own selfish one.

And I don’t blame her.

Placing my hands on the countertop, I take a look at myself in the mirror. My eyes have bags under them, making me look like I haven’t slept in a week. I need to shave, too. I look like a homeless person with how much stubble I’m sporting right now. I sigh as I assess the tattoos on my arms and chest. Somehow, they look dull. Gray. Like they’ve lost their purpose. I drop my head back in defeat, murmuring a quiet prayer under my breath to my grandpa.

“Is this what you wanted, old man? To tear apart a perfectly good woman? To screw up your grandson’s head? To make me feel guilty for everything?” I can’t help the anger that slips into my voice as I finish my questions, but it does nothing to soothe the ache in my chest.

I don’t expect an answer from the heavens, so I’m not surprised when I don’t get any. Instead, I push off from the bathroom counter and start packing. There’s nothing left for me here.

It’s funny, when I came to Love, Georgia, I didn’t expect to fall for the town’s quaint charm. I didn’t expect to feel a tinge of regret for leaving. I thought I’d be chomping at the bit to get out of here as soon as I could. But as I look around my bare room and make my way down the creaky stairs, I realize how much this place has come to mean to me. How many memories I’ve already made while being here for only a few short weeks.

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