Page 45 of Fifty-Fifty

My arms are wrapped around her waist before I can question my decision, comforting her the only way I know how while knowing it’ll only hurt her worse in the end.

Her body is tense, but she doesn’t push me away. She’s as confused as I am, fighting her feelings for me the same way I am for her.

The thought sobers my earlier amusement, making me feel like a bastard for what I’m putting her through.

Everything is so screwed up.

Was this your plan, Jay? To botch everything up with a simple inheritance? Make me question my way of life? What I want? What I need? I’d give anything to ask my grandpa these questions, but he’s not here to answer them.

After a few brief seconds, Beau starts to melt into me, clinging to me for the strength and comfort I can offer. The blind trust nearly brings me to my knees.

We stay silent while Mac colors away before I finally find my voice. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t come in to bed. I’m sorry about a lot of things... I have a lot on my mind and a bunch of shit to figure out. I’m freaked out, and I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want to hurt you.”

Her shoulders slump during my confession, deflating right before my eyes.

I stay still, holding her and wishing things could be different. Wishing I could be the man she needs, when we both know I'm not. I'm not the small-town kind of guy. I'm not the father figure. Hell, I’m not even one to sleep with the same girl twice.

I rest my chin against her forehead, waiting for her to say something. Anything.

"I think we can both agree that it's a little too late for that."

My heart stops at her confession.

Slowly, she pulls away from me and grabs the hot pads on the counter, silently dismissing me with her icy behavior.

“What do you want, Noah?”

I pause, shaking my head back and forth. “I don’t know anymore.”

She mimics my behavior, shaking her head back and forth as disappointment takes over her entire expression. “Wrong answer.”

I stay frozen as she steps around me to take the bacon out of the oven, then sets it on top of the stove.

She goes about her routine, pretending I’m not within her reach, that I’m not begging her to… to tell me to stay. To make sense of the chaos in my head. To make my decision easy. When it isn’t.

I lick my lips as the realization that she’s shutting down right before my eyes hits me square in the chest. My hand twitches at my side, seconds away from reaching out to her, when a loud noise echoes from the dining area.

Both our heads turn in the direction as we hear Shane's boisterous laughter echoing through the door.

"Best get goin', Noah. That’s what ya do anyway, now ain’t it?" She dips her chin toward my other life that's only a few feet away.

My heart screams at me to argue with her. To fight for her. For us. But I don’t.

* * *

Shane insisted I show him around this podunk town, if we’re going to be staying here anyway. His words, not mine.

Reluctantly, I agreed. I needed the space away from Beau if I was ever going to figure out what the hell I should do.

We’re all sitting around a wobbly picnic table with beers in our hands and empty plates in front of us that each held a slab of pie. Hell, Shane practically licked the thing clean.

“This might be a shit town, but they serve some damn good pie,” Ricky notes as he rubs his stomach like a caveman. “I need to take a piss, though.”

Slater is leaning back in his chair with a toothpick hanging from the side of his mouth when he tilts his head to the left. “I think I saw one that way.”

Ricky looks in the same direction but doesn’t seem to find what he’s looking for. “Where? I don’t see it.”

Slater points to a bunch of booths a hundred yards away. “Over there.”

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