Page 128 of Forbidden Lyrics

“There’s nothing to explain,” I choke out, losing the battle over my emotions.

“Dove, I love you.”

I bite my lip and shake my head. The tears stream down my face in heavy rivulets before dripping off my chin, but I don’t bother to wipe them away.

I’m too broken to care.

“Did you love my sister too?” My voice cracks.

“Shit, Dove,” he rasps. “Your sister and me––”

“I don’t want to know.”

“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I’m so sorry––”

“I know,” I breathe out, squeezing my eyes shut to block out the dizzying onslaught of trees passing by. “I know you are. But sorry’s not enough right now.”

He exhales, long and slow as if it hurts. “I know, Dove. I know. But it kills me––”

“When did you know?” My breath catches before I swallow past the stupid lump in my throat. “I doubt she ever mentioned me,” I mutter. The same questions rattle around inside of me, begging for answers, though I’m not sure I want to know any of them. Still, they rise to the surface, demanding to be heard. “Is that why you never wanted to date me? I mean, you hated me as soon as we met. I pushed you––”

“That’s bullshit, Dove.”

“Is it? You were so cold. So distant. But I guess it makes sense after everything that happened between you and Mads––”

“This has nothing to do with Em. I knew I wanted you as soon as I saw you walk into SeaBird looking lost and confused. Like you didn’t belong there but somehow fit perfectly. Just like how you don’t belong with me but managed to get under my skin anyway.”

“Stop,” I beg him, shaking my head back and forth in an attempt to quiet the tiny voice inside of me that agrees with him. We did fit. We fit perfectly.

But it’s all a lie.

He slept with Mads.

My sister.

“You never pushed me, Dove,” he argues. “Not into falling for you. But you’re right. At first, I tried to keep my distance because I don’t date coworkers. As soon as I found out you’d be working at SeaBird, I treated you like shit so that those barriers would be in place. And when I found out who your sister was…that was it. I knew I couldn’t cross that line with you. But I failed. That’s on me. Not you, okay? You’re fucking perfect, Dove. You got under my skin, and I don’t regret it. But I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry that my messed-up past got in the way of us. Of our future.”

“We don’t have a future,” I choke out.

“Dove––”

“Do you want to know the sucky part?” I cry, finally giving in to the pain. The hurt. The overwhelming agony as I acknowledge the shitty truth that I can’t ever erase no matter how hard I try. “I saw it. I saw our future. How it could all play out. Writing music together during the day. Making love at night. Blueberry pancakes in the morning. Fender walking into our little apartment unannounced. Maybe even a ring one day when you realized how perfect you are and that you’re not the bard but the knight in shining armor who saved me from being taken advantage of. From forgetting to think about myself every once in a while instead of always putting everyone else’s needs above my own.”

“Dove––”

“Let me finish,” I choke out, hastily wiping the tears from my cheeks. “I can’t stop thinking about you with her. Did you kiss her the way you kiss me? Did you hold her after making love to her––”

“It wasn’t making love with her, Dove. I know that sounds like a bullshit excuse, but it wasn’t. It was sex. Nothing more than a way to get off. It meant nothing to either of us. Trust me. You knew I had a past––”

“But I didn’t know it was with my sister! My sister, who I’ve always come second to. My sister who’s always managed to take up all the attention in a room, leaving me tucked away in the corner with no one to talk to.” Again, I shake my head and battle the stupid insecurities plaguing every single one of my thoughts. But it’s no use. Clearly, they aren’t going anywhere. “I thought you saw me, Gibbs. The real me––”

“I did see you. I do see you,” he corrects. “I’d give anything to go back and save myself for you. To share every single moment with you. No past. No dirty secrets. Only us.”

“But you can’t.” My voice cracks again, and I bite my quivering lip. “You can’t erase the fact that my niece or nephew might be your baby. There’s no moving past this. There’s no letting go. There’s nothing but a shit hand that we both have to deal with.” I take in a deep, unsteady breath. “And it sucks.”

“Where are you, Dove?”

With red-rimmed eyes, I look out the window, the dark sky making the horizon almost impossible to see. “I’m on a bus.”

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