Page 35 of Strictly the Worst

Tessa looks at me. “You think I’d have a threesome with you?”

I blink at her tone. She sounds seriously annoyed. “No.”

“Would you have a threesome with me?” she asks.

I open my mouth and shut it again. What kind of question is that? Whichever way I answer I’m fucked. So I don’t answer.

“I wouldn’t have one with Maya,” I say instead. Tessa frowns.

“I wouldn’t have one with anybody,” she tells me.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a mom.” She says it as though it explains everything.

“Moms have sex, right?” I reply. “They have to. Otherwise there’d only be single children in this world. As much as I hate to think about it, I have a younger brother. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t born via immaculate conception.”

Stop thinking about sex with Carmichael.

“Can we stop this?” Tessa asks.

But I’m on a roll now. “And Queen Victoria, look at her. She had to be doing it constantly. Didn’t she have about a dozen kids?”

“She probably lay back and thought of England,” Tessa says, shaking her head. There’s a hint of amusement in her voice and it feels like a victory. From salty to happy in a few sentences. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure Queen Victoria never had a threesome.”

“I’m guessing from your tone that you’ve never had one either,” I say.

Her whole face has turned red. “No. Have you?”

“You want to know?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“At college. Yes. Not since then. And that one was kind of alcohol fueled. And completely consensual.” I blink. “In fact, I was so drunk I was seeing double. It was kind of like a fivesome.”

“What about that text you got from those girls on the yacht?” she asks.

It takes me a minute to remember what she’s talking about. Then I start laughing. “Catriona and Liliana? They’re old friends from college. And happily married. To each other.” I run my thumb along my jaw. “Not that it matters. Sex is good. It’s designed to make you feel good. We shouldn’t judge people who have sex with two others. Or five others. Whatever…”

She looks embarrassed. “You’re right. And I’m sorry if you felt judged.”

I shrug. “I didn’t really.” I’m not easily offended. Even by her.

She starts to laugh.

I roll onto my side, facing her.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“I’m still not deleting that video,” she tells me.

I’d completely forgotten about that. “I know. I’m not asking you to. But will you come to the dance party with me?”

Her clear gaze catches mine. “Why?”

“Because I need somebody to protect me from Maya,” I say, though it’s a lie. Truth is, I want to dance with Carmichael. I want to feel her hands on me again, this time with my eyes on hers.

I want to hold her in my arms. Consensually.

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