Page 50 of Pretty Little Rocker

Fuck him.

He could be whoever’s.

I didn’t need him.

And Sparks and Jamie?

I would just be ruining things for them. Their friendship with Ky. Their band. Autumn’s Slumber was the three of them. It didn’t matter who their drummer was. But it was very obvious that it shouldn’t, couldn’t—fucking would not—be me.

“Poppy,” I whispered. “I want Poppy.”

Uncle Shane kissed my temple and guided me over to one of the rolling chairs in front of his spaceship board of buttons and dials. Thankfully, no one was in the recording studio next door, or they would have seen me sobbing and snotting all over the place through the thick window of the soundproof room.

Through my crying, I heard some of what Uncle Shane said. “…showed up. In the studio… No fucking clue what’s wrong… All she says is she wants you… You’re here? Thank fuck, bro. Get down here. ASAP.”

Tossing the phone in the other chair, Uncle Shane knelt down and took my hands in both of his. “Jesse is on his way, babycakes. Don’t you worry. Your poppy will be here to take care of everything.”

All I could do was nod, not bothering to wipe my drenched cheeks or the snot bubbling out of one nostril. Gross. My guys would have probably puked at the sight of me like that. And that only made me cry harder.

Through blurry eyes, I saw Shane’s face morph into something scary. “I need you to tell me if someone hurt you in any way, Hayat.”

I shook my head, slinging tears and who knew what in the process.

“You’re not bruised or bleeding?” Again with the vehemently shaken head. “Did you bump your head? Anything broken or swollen?”

Only my heart.

“N-no,” I whispered just as the door opened.

Tensing because I was half expecting one of my rockers, I was able to release a relieved breath when Poppy stormed in. His eyes rapidly swirled from one shade of brown to another, a comforting sight in the middle of my emotional, chaotic breakdown.

“I fucked up,” I whispered, looking up at the one man I knew would never judge me. Who, if it was possible, would make anything better if it meant I was happy. But I knew that not all things were possible. And this thing, with my three rockers? When only two of them truly wanted me?

Impossible.

Poppy flipped the lock on the door and then crossed to me in quick strides of his long legs. Bending made him grimace, because his knees weren’t as great as they used to be. But his callused hands were tender as they tucked my tear-dampened hair behind my ears, his swirling brown eyes full of wrath and love and all the terrible things he was going to do to whoever had caused my tears.

“Tell me everything, Hayat. I’ll fix it,” he promised, just like I knew he would.

“I fell in love,” I choked out, and his eyes widened. “But I shouldn’t love them, right?”

Some of the brown of his eyes softened. “Them, meaning more than one person, precious?”

Using the sleeve of my hoodie, I wiped it over my nose and cheeks, smearing away the snot and tears. “Autumn’s Slumber.”

“The new band we’re signing?” Shane asked from somewhere, but all I could see was my poppy.

“She’s their drummer,” Poppy told him.

“W-w-was,” I corrected. “I was the drummer. Ky doesn’t want me. And Maddie…” Another sob tore from my chest, making my entire body ache. “Maddie said I’ll mess it all up. It will be my fault. So Ky doesn’t want me. I-I don’t think he ever really did.”

Wiping his thumb under my right eye, Poppy lifted a brow. “And he said that? This Ky idiot, he told you he didn’t want you?”

“I don’t wanna talk about him,” I rasped, my throat on fire from all the crying and sobbing. “I’m gonna have to leave Sparks and Jamie. I can’t take them away from Ky. Or Autumn’s Slumber. It’s better if they get Atticus to replace me. He won’t mess with their popularity. They won’t have to worry if fans love them because of their music or because of me. Atticus won’t cause the drama that I do. He won’t hurt their following. I’ll just mess it up for them. And they deserve a chance. I-it’s okay. I don’t want to fuck it up for them any more than I already have.”

“Hayat—”

“I thought I found where I was supposed to be, Poppy,” I told my grandfather, trying to smile through the pain and tears. “I thought I’d found my home. With them. All three of them. They each… They made me love them. And I can’t have them. Or the band. Because Havoc will fuck it all up.”

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