Page 29 of Practice Makes Perfect

She raises a brow in question, and when I don’t answer she does exactly what I asked and secures herself. “That’s fine as long as I get to be DJ the whole time.” Before I can agree, she already has the radio on and is searching through stations. We’re almost to the highway by the time she settles on a pop station. “You really need to invest in satellite radio, my friend. There is a dance station that plays all the best numbers to move to.”

Tossing a wry smile her way, I steer us onto the road that leads to Green Valley. “Call me crazy, but the last thing I think about while I’m driving is dancing.”

“Have it your way,” she says, her body swaying. She looks so good doing it that I have a hard time keeping my eyes on the road. “More dancing for me.”

“I think we both know you’re the one that looks good doing it anyway.” The more she moves, the more my desire to turn around and head straight home ramps up, but I steel my resolve, white knuckling the wheel to keep my blood from rushing south. She does look really good dancing, and even though I look like a man throwing his back out whenever I attempt it, I can’t wait until she sees the surprise I have in store for her tonight.

As our journey continues, we chat and laugh a lot, sharing stories from our days and some from our pasts. Billie talks about some of the wilder things she did in her youth, and I blush when she admits to skinny dipping in a swimming pool at college with some of her girlfriends. Luckily, I’m saved from her sharing any more memories that have my pants tightening when I steer onto the Green Valley exit and Billie takes in the sights.

“This place is so cute,” she remarks. The town is slightly larger than Starlight Lake thanks to the ski resort that’s located about twenty minutes further into the mountains. The lodge is a nice place and somewhere I would love to take Billie, but tonight we’re headed somewhere else. We drive down the main drag, finally pulling over into a parking lot that’s tucked away to the side of the major street. When I park, Billie looks out the window and then at me, her eyes wide. “This is where we’re going?”

Nodding, I step outside and round the car to her door. When she slips her hand in mine, she looks happy, but there is a reluctance on her face I didn’t expect to see. “Is this not somewhere you want to go?”

Billie shakes her head, a small smile on her face. “It looks beautiful,” she confesses. The Italian restaurant is a red brick building with a front patio lit up by hundreds of twinkle lights. The best part is inside where they have live music and dancing on Friday and Saturday nights. I made the reservation last week, hoping she would love it, but maybe I was wrong. “It’s just that I don’t need anything fancy.”

Narrowing my eyes, I loop her arm through mine and start toward the front door. “Are you sure about that, Miss Egyptian cotton bedsheets?”

Billie smiles at the comment, but pulls me to the side of the walkway. “There is a difference between liking nice things and needing them.” Her eyes search mine as she cups my face. “This is wonderful. I just wanted you to know that I don’t need it to have a good time with you.”

Nodding, I lean down and kiss her lips. “Maybe I need to show you that I can do nice things for you.” Tugging her arm, I start walking again. “Will you let me do this for you?”

Billie mock sighs and gives me a withering look. “If I have to,” she grumbles before bouncing on her heels and leading us up and into the restaurant. As she takes in the deep burgundy walls and dark wood floors, her expression looks pleased, but it becomes absolutely joyful when she sees the band in the corner and a few couples already enjoying a dance. “Dancing?” When I nod, she hugs me tighter than she ever has and kisses me on the cheek. “Best date ever.”

My heart swells at the exclamation and after giving my name to the hostess, we’re seated near the dancefloor. After two courses of stuffed mushrooms and pesto gnocchi, we sit back contentedly in our seats and stare at one another. Billie’s eyes flick to the dancefloor, and I don’t have to think twice about my next move. Standing, I go to her chair and offer my hand. “May I have this dance?”

Billie beams up at me and takes my hand, the zing of excitement I feel expected now since it happens every time we touch. “You can have all my dances”. A shadow crosses over her face for the briefest of moments, but it’s gone before I can decipher what it is.

When we reach the square of flooring sectioned off for dancing, I pull her in my arms as the band plays some song that sounds vaguely Italian but I can’t identify. All that matters to me is that the song has a slow tempo so that I don’t end up making a fool of myself. As we sway to the music, Billie leans her head against my shoulder, humming contentedly along with the melody of the song. One slow song bleeds into another as we continue to dance. With Billie secured in my arms, everything is right in the world and nothing else matters. The music, the other people, even the restaurant itself fades into the background as all of my focus rests on the woman pressed against me. I’ve never been in love before, but even if I had known what it felt like already, that past love wouldn’t hold a candle to what I’m feeling now. A warm glow fills my chest as I think about a future with Billie, a future that can only happen if I tell her how I feel. As I bask in the feeling of loving her, time passes in a haze, and when the band starts playing a faster song, it could have been minutes or hours since we first stepped out onto the floor.

Pulling her gaze up to mine, I stare into Billie’s brown eyes. Nothing feels as right as she does, no one will ever compare to her, and I need to tell her. “Billie.”

“Yes?” Her breath is feathery and light, like it could float away on the slightest of breezes, but I want to do everything I can in my power to keep everything about her right here with me, forever.

My eyes bore into hers, hoping to convey just how much I feel for her before I can say it. “I love you,” I confess. My voice is steady, never wavering because I have never been more certain of anything in my entire life.

“Carter,” she starts, her eyes widening at my words. She looks happy, but that happiness soon morphs into confusion. The old Carter would have seen that and balked, been too polite or too hurt to push forward, but the new me knows better. The confusion I see isn’t about us, but about her. For all her confidence, Billie still has that doubt that she’s nothing more than a pretty face, and while her face is beyond beautiful, she has so much more to offer than that. Clearly she needs to hear it again, so I quickly pull her outside to the small garden the restaurant uses to grow its own vegetables to tell her as much.

Turning to her, I cup her face, my heart swelling when she closes her eyes and automatically leans into the touch. “Billie, I love you.” Her eyes blink open and I see so many conflicting emotions playing there. “Maybe this wasn’t the best place or time for me to say it, but I needed you to hear it. And it’s okay if you aren’t there yet or aren’t ready to say it back because I don’t need to hear the words. I just need you.”

Billie’s eyes go glassy and I catch a tear that falls with my thumb. “But I don’t know what I’m doing. What if I find a job back in Denver? Or somewhere else?” She sniffles, so I pull her against my chest and lean my head against hers, inhaling the scent of roses to help calm myself and find the words to help comfort her.

“Then I will go with you.” She gasps lightly and pulls back to look at me, and I smile at her. “I can do what I do from anywhere, and, yeah, it might be a little harder than doing it in Starlight Lake where I have a shop all set up, but I don’t care. You’re worth the extra effort.” She starts to dispute me, but I kiss her instead. It tastes salty from her tears, but I can feel her putting the love she has for me into it, even if she isn’t ready to say the words yet. When I pull back, Billie nods at me, her expression thoughtful and slightly perplexed. “I can see that you need a bit of time with this, and that is something I can easily give you,” I tell her as I lead us toward the door. Spinning around, I hold her face in my hands and gaze at her, trying to express the seriousness of my words. “But I want you to know that no matter what you decide you want to do or where you want to live, I just need you. You are enough just as you are now, and I will tell you that every single day for the rest of my life if you’ll let me.”

Wide-eyed, Billie nods, but I see the corners of her mouth twitch with the need to smile. As I lead us back inside and to our table, I come up with a plan to help her see just how amazing she is, and just how much I love her.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Billie

Every morning for the last week, Carter has woken me up with a kiss, like some kind of fairy tale Prince Charming, and whispered the same seven words to me as I blink myself awake. “I love you and you are enough.” Each time he says it, a bit of the doubt I have about that statement gets chipped away, and I spend the rest of my day lighter on my feet and with a bit of the weight I’ve been carrying about the future off my chest. The fact that he also says those same words before we go to sleep every night helps too. Sometimes they’re spoken as we lay in bed, cuddling under his new flannel blanket as he talks about all of the plans he has for the two of us, and sometimes they’re whispered in my ear before he slides between my legs and makes love to me until I’m coming apart with pleasure as well as the inability to contain all the love he has for me and I for him. And I do love him.

Loving Carter is easy, it’s admitting to myself that I’m ready for and worthy of his love that has been difficult. He has had no such qualms, telling me over and over again how much he cares for me while also letting me know that he doesn’t care if I figure out what I want to do for a job now, ten years from now, or never. They’re words that I need to hear because somewhere along the way, I assumed that I had to have a career path, have something to offer beyond my looks in order to be worthy of someone like him, someone responsible, caring, and thoughtful when all along, I was all of those things too. It was just hard to see that when I’ve been a little too caught up in my own bullshit insecurities. I helped Carter see his worth, how he could be wanted in addition to how much we all need him. He’s been trying to show me how much he wants and needs me, I just wasn’t ready to see it before, but I am now. Before I tell him that, there are two things I need to mark off my to-do list.

As I sit on the stairs up to our apartment, a smile comes over my face as I think about the look on Maya’s face when I asked her to cover my shift today because I had important things to do. At first she looked surprised, but after scanning my face for a second, she grinned and nodded. “Do what you need to do to be happy,” she told me, and so I am.

The call to my parents finally connects and I smile at the loudness of my father’s voice. “Biliyana,” he exclaims. His voice is something I’ve missed hearing every day when I would pop by and see him in his office, but now that I’ve been going without those daily visits, I can hear just how happy he is and probably always has been to speak with me. I never noticed it before, instead always worried about hearing disappointment in his voice. But not anymore. “How is life in the mountains? Have you seen any bears yet?”

The faint sound of my mom’s voice comes over the speaker as she scolds him in Bulgarian about not being allowed to box with a bear and I chuckle. My dad is a bear of a man himself, and while I wouldn’t put it past him to try and fight one of the ferocious animals, I wouldn’t put money on him winning that particular battle either. “I agree with Mom. No picking fights with bears when you come to visit.”

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