Page 23 of Practice Makes Perfect

A few hours and one long hike later that Carter assured me would be worth the blisters I am liable to get from my worn out boots, we come to a clearing in the woods next to a beautiful overlook. The sun is just starting to set, and the sky is painted a beautiful pink and purple. Stepping closer to the edge, I look out over Starlight Lake, smiling as I recognize some of the landmarks from the town even in the dimming light. The square with the wishing fountain is visible, as is Main Street. “I wish I had a pair of binoculars so I could see Hodgepodge.”

Carter drops his pack on the ground and comes next to me. He squints out at the town and points to a small strip of turquoise that I recognize as the awning that hangs over the storefront. “Right there,” he announces. He brushes his lips against my cheek, and when I turn to him he has a big grin on his face. “Who needs binoculars when you have me?”

“You do come in pretty handy,” I confess. In more ways than one. Carter has not only been helping me figure out what I want to do with my life, but he’s helped me figure out who I am, or rather, he’s helped me start to see that I was already everything I ever needed to be, I just buried myself under other people’s expectations and got a little lost. As I join him in the clearing and drop my backpack, I look over to watch him set up the tent, smiling when I notice there’s just the one. “Only one tent, huh?”

Carter blushes slightly and busies himself with the poles and canvas. “I didn’t think you’d want to be weighed down by carrying another.” His eyes meet mine and they turn serious. “I can sleep outside if sharing makes you uncomfortable.”

While I have no doubt that Carter would indeed rough it in a sleeping bag outside if I asked him to, there is no way I am going to do that. “I’m good.” Smiling, I grab my phone from my pack and walk over to the view to snap a couple of photos. Turning, I take a few of the man in front of me, wanting to capture as many memories of this as I can. I’ll send the one of the view to my parents, but the one of Carter kneeling on the ground, his muscles and round ass on display is just for me. When he catches me snapping photos, he shakes his head, though there is definitely a playful smile on his face. “What? You love the attention,” I sass, snapping another picture of his butt for good measure.

Carter makes a few adjustments to the canvas and in seconds, the tent is ready to go. Glancing over at me, he nods. “I do like the attention,” he admits. His feet make their way over to me and he stares into my eyes intently. “But only because it’s from you.”

The confession isn’t all that surprising, but it rocks me, nonetheless. Needing a bit of space to try and make sense of what I’m feeling, I step back and nod at the tent. “Thanks for setting that up.” Looking around and spying some fallen branches, I grab a few and show them to Carter. “I’ll get some firewood.”

Carter’s peaceful expression shutters slightly, but he nods and lets me move around him. “That would be great. I’ll get everything else ready.”

“Okay,” I breathe out. I spend the next fifteen minutes gathering what I hope will be useful firewood, trying to make sense of the emotions swirling around inside me. Carter is amazing, and he deserves the type of person who will recognize that. I do, and he has mentioned many times that he thinks highly of me, but what if I decide three months from now that I’m done with small towns and miss life in the city? I haven’t felt even a twinge of envy when I’ve seen posts from my so-called friends on social media about parties and other events, but maybe that will change in time. Hurting Carter by starting something with him and then bailing isn’t something I can do, and as much as I enjoy what we’re exploring together, it’s not fair to either of us if we catch feelings and then I end it.

When I make my way back to the clearing, Carter has everything set up, including having dragged a fallen log over to where we’ll set up the fire. I’m a little sad I missed that particular display of manliness, but my walk in the woods was more important. “I got wood,” I announce, trying not to snicker like a twelve-year-old boy at my choice of words.

Carter is less able to hide his amusement, but takes the bundle from my arms without commenting on it. “Thank you.”

After arranging the wood and getting the kindling ready, he lights the fire and I watch in amazement as it catches fairly quickly. “Wow,” I exclaim, taking a seat on the log. The flames climb rapidly and glow from blue to orange, the warmth emanating from them staving off the chill that had started to creep in now that the sun has disappeared behind the mountains. “You’re really good at this camping thing, huh?”

Carter smiles wistfully as he sits next to me. “I do all right.” His expression turns a bit sorrowful as he stares into the fire. “My dad took me out a lot. Just like with woodworking, he taught me everything I know about camping.”

Bumping his knee with mine, I smile over at him. “Tell me more about it.”

Carter’s face lights up at my request, the glow from his face rivaling that of the fire. “Yeah?” At my nod, he settles into the log and turns to me. “Dad always loved camping, even in his home country he would camp when it was freezing out. Mom wouldn’t let him take me out for overnights in the snow until I was older, but once he did I could see why he loved it. When it’s warmer, the forest is alive with so many different animals and sounds, but in the winter, there’s a peacefulness that settles over it, over you.” He looks at me bashfully. “Probably sounds a bit silly.”

“No,” I tell him honestly. As much as I love my parents, their letting me do my own thing sometimes had me longing for more of their company, something Carter seems to have gotten in abundance from his father. “It sounds really nice, and very different from the kind of environments I spent way too much time in. You definitely don’t feel a sense of peace when you’re out at a club.”

Carter looks at me, his brow furrowed in thought. “What do you feel?”

Shrugging a shoulder, I try to think of an analogy for it. My body starts to sway involuntarily as I describe the atmosphere of a dance club. “Probably a lot like what the forest in summer is like. Alive, thriving. The beat pulses through your body and you can’t help but move along with it.”

Carter shakes his head and points at my chest. “No, what do you feel when you’re at a club?”

Thinking back on all the times I’ve spent out on the town, I can’t remember feeling the same sense of life that I just described to him, not for a while anyway. “I used to feel that energy and electricity in the air, and from time to time I still do.” Swallowing thickly, I think about what emotion I felt most over the last few years when I would go out on the town. “More than that though, I think I was lonely. Like I could be in a club or bar, surrounded by people, noise, and flashing lights, and all the while I felt totally and completely alone.” Blinking away the bit of moisture in my eyes, I turn to Carter to see his gaze fixed on me. “Does that sound absurd?” It does to me, but as I watch Carter shake his head emphatically, I can see he doesn’t agree.

“No,” he confesses. He reaches over and pulls me closer, tucking me into his side. “It sounds familiar.”

Looking up at him, I offer a sad smile. “Fun trip this is turning out to be. I thought we came out here to clear my head, not sink the two of us into depression.”

Carter huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. “I’ll tell you what my sister always tells me. You need to feel your feelings, even the messy ones.” He continues to hold me close and smiles at me. “And I’m not depressed. How could I be when I’m with you?”

At that declaration, I can’t possibly not kiss him. As I lean up, my lips slide against his, and the sadness from earlier is forgotten as I lose myself in the feel of him. The kiss is far less hungry than ones we’ve experienced before, but it is no less intense. Instead of it being fueled by lust, although there is a healthy amount of that, there is also an underlying sense that this is a lot more than just something we’re doing to bolster his confidence. When his hands move to cup my face, I feel almost precious, like I’m something to be cherished, or beloved. No one besides my parents has ever made me feel this way, and even then it was always tempered by the idea that I was disappointing them somehow with my behavior and choices. Once again the thought of disappointing the man in front of me creeps into my mind, sending a sharp stab into my heart. The feeling is so unpleasant that I pull back, not wanting to conflate that feeling with kissing Carter.

I duck my head to try and hide my pain, but Carter sees it just like he seems to see just about everything about me. “What happened? You were here and then … you were somewhere else.” He cups my cheek again and pulls my eyes to his. “Talk to me, Elskling.”

Hearing the foreign word roll so sweetly off his tongue makes me feel a little better, but admitting the truth will be hard, especially since it means having to face worries I shouldn’t be having. I’m feeling a lot of things for Carter, and none of them are casual, so knowing that I will probably disappoint him eventually like I do everyone else has my stomach feeling sour. “I just…” The words get stuck in my throat as I look at him. He’s so kind, caring, and selfless, and here he is again looking after me when I’m supposed to be helping him out, not the other way around. “You’ve been so great, letting me stay with you and helping me try to figure out my life. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Carter looks taken aback by my confession. “How on Earth do you think you could ever disappoint me? You’ve brought more fun into my life in the last month than I ever thought possible.” I wince at his confession because while I like being fun, that was all I was good for in the past. Not much has changed it seems. “More than that, though,” he says, giving me a look that tells me he knows exactly what I was thinking, “you’ve shown me that I can feel good about the person I am and that I deserve to go after what I want.” He grips my chin in his hand and stares me down. “You do, too, you know. You deserve everything.”

Nodding, I try to put the bad feelings back in a box, but can’t quite manage to do so. “For right now, can you just hold me?”

Carter smiles and holds me tightly once again. “Nothing would make me happier.” As I stare across the flames, sinking into the comfort provided by the man next to me, I can’t help but feel that he’s telling me the truth. And sitting here next to each other in front of the fire, just like him, I’m not sure anything could ever make me happier.

Chapter Seventeen

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