Page 6 of Practice Makes Perfect

“Well … all right.” My agreeing to a plan that I already had my heart set on the minute she mentioned it is easy to do. “But I won’t stay there for free.” My fingers tap on the wood table as I think of a way to repay them. They’re proud people, so I already know they won’t accept money, but maybe they would accept a trade of sorts. Another idea forms in my mind and I smile slyly. “I can work in the store. You’ve been wanting to spend more time on your crocheting, and this will give you a way to do that. Plus, Carter won’t have to take as many breaks from his projects to help out, so it’s a win for everyone.”

Maya looks thoughtful for a moment. “That does sound nice. You really want to work at the store?” She looks skeptical and when my eyes flick over to Jake, his head is bowed and he’s shaking it slowly. This is definitely not the worst idea I have ever had, but I know what he’s thinking. He doesn’t like me interacting with Maya’s brother because he thinks I’m just going to use him and lose him, but that’s not my plan, nor has it ever been. Still, I can’t blame him for thinking that since I’ve let everyone in my life believe I’m a little flighty. That doesn’t make the fact that he’s so ready to believe it sting any less though.

My head bobs emphatically. “I’d love to work at the store. I’ll go crazy with nothing to do and it will be my way of saying thank you for all you guys are doing for me.” There are a lot of other more fun ways I can think of for how I can thank Maya’s brother, but I shut down that line of thinking quickly. No need to make things awkward with him because then I really will need to find somewhere else to stay. “Thank you so much.”

“No problem,” Maya says. A happy smile decorates her face as she stands and grabs her son. “I’m going to get this little guy ready for bath time. Say night-night to Billie.”

JJ smiles shyly and waves at me. “Nigh,” he mumbles before burying his face in his mom’s shoulder.

“G’night Little J.” Maya and JJ walk out of the room and I turn to my best friend. “One of these days I’m going to get that kid to like me.” It may take depleting my savings account to buy out an entire toy store to do it, but it would be worth it to see a big smile painted across that adorable little face.

Jake sighs and tilts his head. “He’s not the one I’m worried about liking you,” he chides, his tone weary. I knew a lecture was coming, I just thought he would wait until his fiancée was out of earshot at least, but I guess I’m not that lucky. “I don’t think you living with Carter is a great idea, but I’ll go along with it. Just … promise me that you won’t toy with him.”

The sting from that admonishment is brutal, but I cover it up with my trademark smile. “I won’t toy with him,” I vow. Rising and grabbing my plate, I walk over into the kitchen to hide the embarrassment at how little my friend thinks of me. Needing to stifle that feeling, I try for a joke. “That is, unless he asks me to.”

There is no need to bother looking back at Jake to know what he’s doing. Surely he’s shaking his head, his expression dire as he wonders how he can best protect his future brother-in-law from me and my man-eating ways. There’s no need for it, though the more I think about it, the less my words seem like a joke. Carter is a grown man and can handle himself. And if he decides that he wants me to handle him a little as well? All the better.

Chapter Five

Carter

Stars are abundantly sprinkled across the inky black sky, crickets sound in the distance, and the cool night air brushes across my face, causing a slight shiver to move through my body as I tilt my head back down and peer across the fire. Camping is something I’ve been doing since I was a boy. My mother was never big on the activity and neither was Maya, so most times it was just Dad and me. We’d fish at the lake for our food before hiking into the mountains, not ever straying too far from our small town, and we’d set up camp by a creek that ran through the vast sea of evergreen trees.

My dad was a big outdoorsman and taught me everything I know. When he wasn’t in his shop or with his family, he was out in nature, soaking up the fresh air and sunshine. As we explored the forest, he would tell me stories from his youth, stories about camping with his own father and how much he enjoyed ice fishing as a young boy. The stories would continue as we ate and talked around the fire, me sharing bits of my life with him before he would share more of his past and his hopes for the future.

We camped all year round, only ever canceling our plans when the weather was truly too rough or dangerous. When I was a teen, I asked him why he wanted to come out to the mountains so often. In response, my father would smile gently at me before divulging that a sense of tranquility, of being grounded is what he was seeking. Then he would touch the valknut pendant that was strung around his neck and now belongs to my sister reverently with his fingers and tell me that while our family made him whole, at peace with the world, that coming out into the mountains helped clear away the chaos that could accompany life. He talked about how being one with the natural world gave him the steadiness and strength he required to be everything we needed him to be—a good husband, father, and provider. Being only around thirteen at the time, I didn’t fully grasp what he was talking about, but now that I’m thirty-years-old, I have a better understanding of what he meant.

When I come out here and set up camp, everything gets left behind. My worries and obligations just sort of fade into the background, and I feel more at peace with myself. There is no noise from the town, no people out here besides me, but I don’t feel lonely like I do when I’m at home in my empty apartment. I’m not a spiritual person, but I feel closer to my dad when I’m out here too. Memories of him are all over these mountains, and as painful as it can be to think of him sometimes with the loss of his influence and support being too great to bear during those moments, it would be more painful to never connect to this place or those memories again.

One night when I was feeling particularly low, I confessed to Maya that I come out here and speak with our father. She didn’t tease me about it, but told me she does the same thing, speaking to our mom in the still hours of the late night or early morning in her bed. It felt good to hear that I wasn’t alone in still feeling that connection to our parents and needing to keep it going. And I do need it. Now more than ever.

My eyes stare into the flickering orange flames of the small campfire and I shift in my chair. A tree rustles nearby and the sounds of a rabbit or raccoon scurrying away reaches my ears. Ignoring it, I settle in and after clearing my throat, I take one last deep breath and close my eyes. “Hey, Dad,” I say to the darkness that surrounds me, “I could use a little advice.”

Sounds of the forest are my only reply, not that I expected anything else. After so many years of doing this, I’ve given up on a replica of my father appearing in the clouds, a la The Lion King, ever happening. “I’m not really sure what to do. There are things I want, very badly in fact, but I’m afraid to go after them.”

My mouth twitches at the corners as I hear his reply in my mind. “And why should you be afraid? You have Viking blood running through your veins, Carter. There is nothing in this world you cannot conquer.”

A small chuckle escapes at the reply I had heard so many times, but it doesn’t help make things better this time. My father was so proud of his Norwegian heritage and believed that the strength of those that came before him still flowed through his veins. That might be true for him, but it doesn’t feel true for me. I blow a slow breath out of my lungs and keep going. “I’m not like you, Dad. You were so strong. You always knew what to do and what to say. You were so sure of yourself and your decisions.” I swallow thickly and whisper into the darkness. “I’m not like you.”

My father’s wry expression as he runs his hands through his shoulder length blond hair is a picture that comes to mind easily. “You are stronger than you know, Carter,” he would tell me. His large hand would clasp my shoulder and he would stare at me intently, his icy blue eyes shining as they reflected the fire. “I am not always sure of my decisions, but I am always sure of one thing.” He would touch his fingers to the pendant and smile knowingly at me. “No matter what decision I make, I will always have my family to support me. You have people who love you, too. Lean on them and you will get the help you need.”

As I think over the words he would be sure to say, I huff a breath and open my eyes, staring above the fire and into the dark forest. “I don’t have anyone,” I say automatically.

As soon as the words spill from my mouth, a feeling of guilt and disappointment in myself settles over me, making my shoulders heavy. I’m sure my father would be disappointed in me as well. Family was everything to him, and while my parents may be gone and I may not have a partner, I do have my sister and my nephew. Even Jake has been surprisingly cool, insisting on repaying me in small ways for all I did to help Maya and JJ when he wasn’t around or wanting to hang out and get to know me better. Aunt Sue may not be in town, but she’s also only a phone call away whenever I need some advice from a parental figure. Maybe I do need to ask for more help from them. Asking my sister and her fiancé for dating advice is pretty mortifying, but I can deal with that if it means they can help me get it together enough to find a person of my own.

My phone weighs heavy in my pocket. Thinking of a person of my own has my thoughts drifting to Billie again and while the desire to check her Instagram page is there, I can push it aside for now, mostly because I don’t even have enough of a signal out here to access it. What I can’t brush aside is the feeling that there is something different, something special about her. Instant attraction aside, Billie is also an incredibly dynamic individual. There probably isn’t a single person who she interacts with that doesn’t immediately fall a little bit in love with her. Even JJ, who shies away from her and who she is convinced doesn’t like her, is totally intimidated by the beauty and light that seems to radiate from her every pore. My nephew may look exactly like his dad, but he’s a lot like me, shy with unfamiliar adults and unsure of himself at times. At least I can see him becoming more confident as he ages. The same cannot be said for me. Maya is always telling me I need a confidence boost, something to stop me from overthinking things and focusing on my good qualities. Maybe it’s time I actually take her words to heart and let her help me out. With a final look around the forest, I smile wistfully.

“Thanks, Dad,” I say to the space in front of me. Even though I know he’s only here in spirit, I can still feel the ghost of one of his strong bear hugs wrapping around me and letting me know that everything will turn out for the best.

****

The hike back through the forest and to my car was long and sweaty, the cooler temperature from overnight having burned away the moment the sun peaked up over the horizon. High altitude means cooler weather in the winter and summer, but being closer to the sun means it feels as if your skin is being singed by a laser anytime the light hits it. I ditched my flannel not long after I started my hike back and even that wasn’t enough to keep me cool. My hands pluck the damp material of my t-shirt away from my body in an attempt to get some air flowing to my skin, but it doesn’t help nearly enough. Luckily after a short drive, I’m finally back to the apartment and can hop straight into the shower.

After walking through the door, I kick it closed and unceremoniously drop my hiking pack and toe off my shoes. One bonus of living alone now is that I don’t have to worry about tripping hazards for JJ or cleaning up after myself immediately in order to be a good influence on him either. The apartment feels cooler, but it’s not enough. An icy glass of water sounds good right now, but I feel so grimy and gross, the sheen of sweat on my skin making me feel sticky that I put it off. Shower first, then it will be time to rehydrate. As I peel my shirt up and over my head, I let it hit the ground with a moist plop and walk over towards the bathroom. My belt clinks as I start to unbuckle it, but movement out of the corner of my eye has me turning and screaming like a small child.

When I notice another person is in the room, my eyes widen at the sight before me. Sitting on the blue sofa is Billie, a computer tablet in her hand and a wide grin on her face. She looks every bit as beautiful as the last time I saw her, and for a moment I wonder if I am hallucinating from the heat and exertion of the hike. “Billie?” I ask incredulously. As my skin cools, I suddenly feel every bit of my half nakedness as I stare dumbly at one of the most stunningly gorgeous women I have ever seen. My hands fumble as I reach down and start to rebuckle my belt, and when my eyes meet hers once more, a slight pout forms on her full, rosy lips.

“Ah, don’t stop on my account.” Her expression is sly as the words drip from her mouth like honey. “You were just getting to the good part. Though to be fair, on you they’re all good parts.” She winks at me and I can feel my body flush, only this time it isn’t from the heat of my outdoor excursion.

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