Page 5 of Practice Makes Perfect

A scoff comes out before I can stop it. “It wasn’t low-brow, and I’m sorry, but how was I supposed to know those things about them?” It’s not like there was a big flashing sign over their heads announcing that information, and it’s not exactly the type of thing you bring up in casual conversation.

My father’s expression gets even more severe and I know that no matter what the outcome of this meeting turns out to be, things aren’t looking too good for me. “It’s your job to know these things, Biliyana,” he barks out, clearly exasperated with me. I can almost see his disappointment in me coming off in waves as he shakes his head solemnly. Seeing him like this has me flashing back to all the other times I’ve felt this way around my parents. While trying to live up to my wild reputation, I got into a fair deal of trouble in high school, and the letdown continued when I chose a “party school” over more sensible options for college. The look my dad had back then is the same one I’m seeing now.

Disappointing my parents isn’t unfamiliar, but the feeling is as unwelcome as it always is. Thinking that I’m not meeting their expectations is like a tiny stab in my heart, and I once again wonder just what I’m doing with my life. Clearly an apology is in order, but I’m not sure it will make either of us feel any better. My head hangs low and I shrug my shoulder. “I’m sorry. How can I make it better?” If I have to endure a night at the symphony with mister and missus teetotaler in order to get back into my father’s good graces, I’ll do it.

“Nothing,” he says ominously. Standing up and rounding his large desk, my father takes the seat next to me. “It’s a million dollar account, and after a long talk with Mark Foster, I managed to convince him not to pull their business from us.” My dad sighs and leans back in the chair, his face is resigned when he finally meets my gaze. “Biliyana. I love you more than I love anything in this world, but you’re fired. Effective immediately, you no longer work here and you’ll have to relinquish your company apartment.”

It takes my mind a few seconds to catch up and process the words that just came out of my father’s mouth. “What?” As much as I don’t love my job anymore, it does provide me with money and something to fill my time. Oh, yes, and a living space that I am apparently going to have to vacate. “It was one mistake,” I sputter.

My father sighs again heavily, shaking his head and patting my knee. “It wasn’t just this one mistake, my treasure,” he tells me, slipping back into Bulgarian. “For a while now, both your mother and I have noticed your light dimming. You were always so happy, so full of life. Lately, it is like you are a ghost of your former self.”

My throat clogs with emotion and tears prickle at the corners of my eyes as I realize that perhaps I haven’t been hiding my feelings as well as I thought I had. My parents have known me my whole life, so it would make sense that they would detect a change in me. Blinking back the moisture that threatens to spill over, I rest my hand on top of his. “How am I supposed to fix that when I have no job and nowhere to live?”

My father raises his eyebrow and gives me a wry look. Fine. Maybe I am acting a slight bit overdramatic, but I can’t help it. My savings account is large enough that I can live off of it for a long while, so money isn’t really an issue. It’s more the idea of having nothing to distract me from ruminating on whether or not there’s more to me than meets the eye that scares the crap out of me. Self-reflection is tough and something I’m not looking forward to doing, and it will be unavoidable if all I have in front of me is an abundance of time.

“You can always move home with your mother and me.” When he sees my eyes widen in horror, my father chuckles lightly. “Or you can take the time you now have to visit Jake. I know you miss him, and maybe a change of scenery will be good for you.” He peers at me thoughtfully for a moment. “You are something more than you pretend to be, Biliyana. Maybe now you can discover just what that is.”

Am I more than I pretend? The question pops up and has the same effect it always does. A shuddering breath leaves my lungs and a tear escapes my eye at the thought that perhaps I’m not. My finger reaches up to flick away the moisture, but my father is already there to wipe it with his handkerchief. I sniffle and smile sadly at him. “Thanks.” After another deep breath and a look around his large office, I stand and walk towards the door.

My father follows suit and when I turn around, he pulls me into a big bear hug, his thick arms crushing me to his chest. “I love you, Biliyana. Go find your light.” He kisses the top of my head and sends me on my way. As I walk into my office for the last time and start gathering up what little personal items I’ve stowed here, a smile comes across my face and I whip out my phone to text Jake.

Billie: Hope you’re free this weekend. I’m coming for a visit.

A thumbs up is my only reply and I laugh at my best friend’s lack of communication skills. Jake isn’t shy, but he definitely likes to keep things succinct. Though I have a feeling that when I tell him I plan on staying for more than just a couple of days, he’ll have plenty more to say.

****

The slack jawed look on Jake’s face is almost picture worthy, but I doubt he’d be pleased if I reached into my pocket for my phone and snapped a photo to tease him with later. We’re at the dining room table, and I’ve just finished relaying the story of the comedy club incident and subsequent firing to Jake and Maya. JJ is here too, but I’m pretty sure he neither understands nor cares about my problems seeing as how all of his concentration is centered on pushing his mashed potatoes around his plate, no desire to give my troubles a second thought evident.

“I can’t believe your dad fired you,” Jake proclaims, shaking his head. His expression mirrors what I’m sure mine was just a couple of days ago when I got the news. It’s still hard to believe my own dad fired me, but after the talk in his office and another with my mom later that night, I’m trying to see it for the opportunity it is. I’ve spent so much time performing for others that now I finally get a chance to discover a little more about me and what I might really like to do with my life. Feelings of excitement and horror fill me when I think about what I’ll find out about myself, but hopefully the uncertainty will fade in time, letting the thrill remain.

“It seems like a bit of an overreaction to me,” Maya adds. Grabbing a napkin, she wipes a bit of smeared gravy off JJ’s chin while looking at me with sympathy. “It was one mistake.”

My shoulder shrugs as my eyes roam around the dining room. The walls are a welcoming, pale gray-purple with family photos covering any space not occupied by the large bay window opposite me. “It was more than that,” I mumble, pushing my food around my plate. It seems JJ isn’t the only one using his mashed potatoes as entertainment. “Honestly, I’ve been phoning it in for a while.”

“What?” Jake asks, his expression confused. “But you live for that stuff.” Jake knows me a little better than that, though to his credit, I have been playing up the party girl persona a lot more since he moved. Worrying him wasn’t something I wanted to do, so I may have implied that I was enjoying work and life a lot more than I actually was.

“Eh,” I say, putting my fork down. “I liked planning things and making sure people had a good time for the most part, but the job turned into me being a personal concierge for clients’ relatives. ‘Get me into the society pages, Billie. Where do all the influencers hang out now?’ Ugh, it was all just so meaningless.” My eyes finally meet my best friend’s. “I like socializing with and meeting new people, but what do I care if so and so’s influencer daughter gets a hundred more Instagram followers? It was superficial and gross.”

The seat creaks under my best friend’s weight as he leans back in it, his expression one of surprise. “Wow. I didn’t realize it was that hard for you.” Jake nods and scratches at his jaw, more stubble than he used to have growing on his face. He’s really embracing the whole mountain town vibe and from the interested gaze his fiancée is shooting him at the moment, it’s working for him. “So what are you going to do now?”

A heavy breath blows out through my lips. “That’s the million dollar question,” I muse, taking a drink of water. It’s to quench my throat that has gone dry from worrying about my next move as much as it is a stall tactic because I really have no clue where to start. “First, I need to find a place to live while I hang out in Starlight Lake. Are there any good rentals in town that you guys know of?”

Jake looks mildly offended. “You can stay with us. We have more than enough room now,” he insists. He reaches over and grabs his fiancée’s hand, looking over to Maya to get her nod of approval.

“Absolutely.” Her words echo his sentiment, but I can tell she isn’t quite as enthusiastic about having a long-term guest as my friend is. That is all well and good because I have no desire to disrupt their new family dynamic. Having a front row seat to Jake and Maya’s perfect romance is also something I could do without because I can’t figure out what the hell to do with my life if I’m spending most of my time being envious of their relationship.

“Thank you,” I tell them both. My hands reach across the table, giving both of theirs a firm squeeze. “But I am going to pass. You guys are still settling in and I don’t want to get in the way. I can find a place to rent or even stay at the hotel in town for a while. I’ve got the money, so it’s no big deal.”

Jake doesn’t look too pleased, but a wide smile comes across Maya’s face. Something tells me it’s not just because I won’t be bunking with them, especially since her eyes are dancing with mischief. “I do know where there is a room that recently became available, and you can even have it for free.” Jake looks at her and subtly shakes his head, but Maya ignores him and leans towards me, her eyes bright. “You can have our old room.”

My eyes widen. “With Carter?” My mouth opens and closes like a fish as I try to think of what to say to this proposal. On the one hand, it would be nice to not be alone, but I also love to flirt with him, and being so close and spending so much time with him sounds like it’s a temptation I don’t need. I am supposed to be focusing on myself, though, so maybe it will just be something fun to pass the time while I really dig in to “finding my light” as my dad put it. He’ll just be background noise while I figure out what to do with my life. Yeah, right, background noise you want to climb like a tree. Dismissing the unhelpful thought, I turn to Maya with a serious expression. “Would he be okay with that? I mean, he just got his privacy back. He probably doesn’t want a roommate.”

“Psh,” Maya scoffs, waving away my concern with her hand. “He hates living alone and would be more than happy to have you stay there. Besides, he loves helping people out and would probably be upset if he found out you were renting a place when he had a room you could stay in.”

From what I know of Carter, he does seem to like to help others. What I’ve gleaned from Jake and Maya is that he basically gave up any kind of life of his own to help his sister out, and this wouldn’t be nearly as big of a commitment. “Are you sure? Maybe we should call him,” I offer. As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to pull them right back. The idea of living in the same space as Carter, with the possibility of flirty banter and maybe even a stolen glance at him as he leaves the bathroom in nothing but a towel, his skin wet and glistening is too good to risk on his saying no.

“Not necessary.” Maya pulls JJ’s plate away from him and starts wiping the mashed potatoes from his tiny fingers. “He’s on his yearly camping trip and won’t be back until late Sunday. You can sleep here tonight and then we can move you into the apartment tomorrow.”

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