Page 13 of With This Wish

“So, do you want me to start from the beginning? Or do you want the Cliff Notes version?” she asks, a sad smile on her face.

“Everything,” I confess a little loudly. The coffee shop is mostly empty, but I still don’t want to draw too much attention to ourselves. “Tell me everything. Please.” I want to know about every minute of every day that passed after I left. I know I won’t get that much, but I want it all just the same.

Maya nods and blows a breath out from between her full lips before she starts to tell her tale. She begins with finding out she was pregnant just before Christmas, and being shocked because we used protection. Something tells me the condom from my wallet that we used first and not the ones from her nightstand are to blame. It may have not been as new as I thought since it had been a long time since I’d been with someone. Then Maya talks about her pregnancy a bit, mentioning it was uncomplicated, barring some morning sickness and back pain every now and then. When she gets to talking about JJ, her blue eyes brighten and a smile of such serene happiness comes across her face that I can’t help but match it. She tells me all about his birth, how from the moment he came into the world he’s been the sweetest little boy, always smiling and loving to cuddle with her or her brother. The more she talks about our son, the happier I am, knowing these bits and pieces of their lives together, but I also feel a profound sense of loss at the fact that I didn’t get to be there for any of it. “Jake?” she asks, drawing my gaze up to hers. “Are you okay?”

I start to nod, but shake my head instead. “Not really,” I confess, my voice raspy. Reaching across the table and grabbing her hand, I squeeze it tightly, hoping to convey just how much sorrow I feel at having left them alone for so long. “I’m so sorry, Maya. So fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have … I shouldn’t have left.” My eyes get watery and I blink it back as best I can, but Maya placing her hand over mine and squeezing back has a rogue tear falling anyway.

Maya makes quiet shushing noises, and thinking about how she probably uses the same tactic to comfort our son when he’s sad makes me want to weep like a baby. “It’s okay, Jake.”

My head shakes almost violently as I look at her. “It’s really not. It’s so far from okay it’s not even on the same planet.” Circumstances and poorly formed decisions may be mostly to blame for keeping us apart, but I feel like a good portion of the blame lies on my shoulders for being such a stupid ass and sticking to my plans. All that did was cause misery for me and for the person—no, the two people—I care about most in this world.

Maya stands and moves to the seat beside me, still holding my hands and resting them on our knees that are turned toward one another. “You’re right. It’s not okay,” she admits, sniffling a little, her eyes misting over as she blinks. “I tried so hard to find you after you left, even before I knew I was pregnant, but I couldn’t.” She swallows slowly and takes a deep breath. “And part of me is really pissed with you for not coming back, because you could have found me if you wanted.”

“I did want to,” I protest. My body shifts, needing to be as close to her as I can, and I lace our fingers together. If she gets nothing else from our reunion, I want her to understand just how deeply I felt her absence and how badly I wanted her. “It was all I could think about. I wanted to be with you so badly.”

Maya’s head tilts and she sniffs, a couple of tears streaking across her cheeks. “Not badly enough,” she says quietly. Her hand reaches up and she angrily swipes at the moisture on her face. Those three words from her have me feeling about three inches tall. She’s right. I put my life plan ahead of actually living my life, and if it had just affected me that would be one thing, but I’ve disrupted three lives here, and I have no idea how I’m going to make up for it.

My throat bobs as I swallow thickly. “I messed up.” My voice is as small as I feel, wanting desperately to make things right but not knowing where to start.

Maya’s head shakes. “Maybe you did, but I could have done things differently too.” She looks to the ceiling for a moment before meeting my eyes once again. “I could have asked you to stay, I could have asked for your number,” she says before laughing humorlessly. “I could have at least gotten your last name.”

I huff a breath, at least being able to right one wrong from the past. “It’s Mackenzie,” I tell her. I release one of her hands and wipe away another tear from under her eye with my thumb. “Jacob Alexander Mackenzie.”

Maya sniffles and leans into my hand as it cups her cheek. “I was guessing it was Jacob,” she says. Her big blue eyes blink up at me as her mouth pulls into a shy smile. “I’m glad I was right.”

“Me too,” I tell her, rubbing my thumb over the back of her hand. “Thank you for that, by the way. Naming him after me.”

“Of course,” she tells me, her eyes determined. “I wanted him to have something of yours.” He has my first name, and if things go the way I hope they will, he’ll have my last name soon enough as well. I may have royally messed things up last time, but there’s no way I’m making the same mistake twice.

I smile, a new plan on how to get back what I lost already forming. “What name would you have chosen if it was a girl?” I ask to distract myself from going too far down the rabbit hole. Tonight is about reconnecting. Tomorrow can be about our future.

Maya shrugs a shoulder, chuckling lightly. “Jacoba?”

I laugh along with her, enjoying the way it has lifted the heavy veil from our conversation. “I like it,” I tell her, smiling and bringing the back of her hands up to mine to kiss them.

“Jake,” she whispers. As she looks at me, I can see the longing in her eyes, knowing I must have a similar look. “What are we going to do?”

I rub my hands up and down her arms, loving that she isn’t shying away from my touch, but instead leaning into it. The question of our connection being there or not is answered, but that’s clearly on the backburner for the moment. “I had some time to think about that when I dropped Billie off at the cabin.” Maya nods and waits patiently for me to continue. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stick around for a while. I have a lot of vacation time saved up,” I explain. More than a lot, and while I’m sure my dad will pitch a fit at my changing my schedule so abruptly and without notice, I don’t really care. My priority is Maya and JJ. Everything else can wait.

Maya bites her lower lip, a gesture so familiar to me it’s almost like I’ve traveled back in time for a moment. “How long will you stay?” she asks, her expression wary. I can tell she’s worried I’m going to bolt again, but nothing could be further from the truth.

“I’m staying as long as it takes for us to figure everything out,” I say with conviction. “Nothing else matters.”

Her eyes light up like I just gave her the biggest gift in the world when it’s really the other way around. A second chance with her is a gift, a chance to know my son is a gift. I’m just doing what’s right, what’s in my heart. “Okay,” she breathes out. She licks her lips and glances around the shop for a moment before speaking again. “Would you want to meet him tomorrow? JJ? Officially, I mean.”

My heart stops and my breath catches in my throat that is now suddenly closing with all the emotions again. The thought of finally getting to meet my little boy has my heart ready to beat right out of my chest. “I would love to,” I implore. The offer is unexpected but welcome, and I accept it with as much gratitude as I can muster when my emotions are all over the place.

Maya nods and stands, putting on her coat and beanie. I follow her lead, standing and getting ready to face the cold. As I walk beside her, I grab onto her hand. She stops walking and I go to drop it, thinking I’ve gone too far, but Maya surprises me and holds onto it steadily, looking over at me and nodding her silent approval as we leave the coffee shop. She walks over to a small, older sedan that’s parked near my BMW, and I feel another little stab of guilt. How much did they have to go without because I wasn’t in the picture? “There’s a park JJ really loves that’s right next to the library. Would you like to meet us there at ten o’clock?”

“That sounds amazing,” I tell her sincerely. More time with her and my son sounds better than anything in the world, and I can’t wait to make it happen. “I want as much time with the two of you as you can spare.”

“We’ll make that happen,” she swears. With zero hesitation, Maya steps into my waiting arms for a hug. My arms wrap around her and draw her close, never wanting to let go for fear of losing something I now know I can’t possibly live without. As we stand there in the cold, I get a whiff of her perfume, or shampoo, or maybe just her natural scent, and smile, my chest rumbling with held-in laughter. Maya leans back, narrowing her eyes at me. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” I say, brushing a strand of hair from her cheek. “It’s just … you still smell just like apple pie.”

She smiles and gives me one last squeeze before opening her driver-side door. “That’s good to hear. Most days I smell like sweaty toddler or soiled diapers,” she says, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” I repeat. As I stand on the sidewalk and watch her drive off safely, my eyes never leave the car until the taillights disappear around a corner. As I get in my own car and drive back to the rented cabin, our parting words ring in my head. Never has the phrase, “see you tomorrow,” held so much meaning, nor has it ever held as much joy and promise for the future.

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