Page 18 of What Have You Done?

‘I’m sorry,’ she said immediately, chastened.

He looked at her then. ‘No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.’ He took her in his arms again and they stood that way for a long while. He whispered into her hair, ‘You know I love you, right?’

‘I know. I love you too,’ she whispered back fiercely. ‘Always.’

She would support him through this. Most men, she thought, had trouble expressing grief. They weren’t like women, who were allowed to show their emotions, and who had strong support networks, others with whom they could easily and regularly share their feelings. And Brad was a jock, a gym teacher – he wasn’t exactly the touchy-feely type. She was the only one he had to confide in. He’d probably been bottling it up inside at school all day until the moment he could be with her.

But then he hadn’t wanted to talk about it – he just wanted to hold her and tell her that he loved her. He seemed to need reassurance.

Now she eats her supper with her parents, thinking about her fiancé. She’d understood that he didn’t want to eat with them tonight, but she’d thought she would go to his place later, as she usually does on Friday nights. He has his own place, and she doesn’t. But he’d told her no, he wanted to be alone.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

RILEY SITS ON her bed, her hands clasped tightly around her drawn-up knees, giving in to her darkest thoughts. She doesn’t find it impossible to imagine that Cameron might have murdered Diana. She knows that when a woman is murdered, it’s usually the husband or the boyfriend. One part of her thinks this, while another part of her is screaming silently in pain and fear: This can’t be happening. Less than twenty-four hours ago her world made sense; now it makes no sense at all.

She doesn’t know how she will ever get over the loss of Diana, how she will ever be able to let her go. She looks down at the cell phone in her hand. She doesn’t know why she does it – she texts Diana even though she knows she’s dead.

Hey, Diana. I miss you.

She knows it’s stupid and childish, but she does it anyway and then sits there waiting for the ping of an answer that will never come, tears spilling down her face.

I wish you were here. I wish I knew what happened to you.

She scrolls up and stares at the last text she had from Diana, the night before, at 9:52.

Cameron on his way over to pick me up.

She’d shown it to the detectives.

Riley can’t bear it. She wants to ask Cameron straight out if he did it, if he lost his temper and did this awful thing. He wouldn’t tell her if he did, but maybe she will be able to tell if he’s lying.

We’ll find out, Diana, she texts. We’ll find out who did this to you.

Riley gets up off the bed and goes down the hall to the bathroom and washes her face. Then she goes downstairs and finds her mom in the kitchen. She says, ‘I’m going over to Cameron’s for a minute.’

‘What? No, you’re not,’ her mother says. She sounds like she means it.

‘I need to talk to him,’ Riley insists. Her mother knows what she’s worried about; she was with her in the police station.

Her mom takes a deep breath and says, ‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’

‘I have to speak to him,’ Riley says stubbornly. Riley knows she gets her stubbornness from her mother. For a moment there’s a standoff.

‘I don’t want you out there alone in the dark. I’ll drive you,’ her mom says finally. Riley starts to say something, but her mom cuts her off. ‘You can talk to him as long as his parents are home, and I’m sure they are. Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you in the car. You can take as long as you need.’

They grab their jackets and leave together for the short drive to Cameron’s house. When they get there and her mother parks in the driveway, Riley looks out at the wooden farmhouse with the screened-in porch, so familiar to her from so many get-togethers, and has to steel herself for a moment before she gets out of the car. But then she opens the door. Her mother stays in the car.

When Cameron’s mother answers the door, Riley is shocked to see how terrible she looks. But Mrs Farrell loved Diana, too, Riley thinks, and Cameron must be a mess. They probably don’t know that Diana was thinking of breaking up with him. ‘Can I talk to Cameron?’ Riley asks on the doorstep.

‘I’m sorry, Riley, but he doesn’t want to see anybody,’ Mrs Farrell says.

‘He’ll want to see me,’ Riley says, brushing past her, and walking inside the house toward the stairs. She turns back and says over her shoulder, ‘Where is he?’

‘You can’t just barge in here,’ Mrs Farrell protests as Cameron’s dad appears from the kitchen.

But Riley ignores them both and starts up the stairs, assuming that’s where Cameron will be. Riley knows her way around the house. She knocks on Cameron’s closed bedroom door at the top of the stairs. ‘Cameron, it’s Riley. I want to talk.’

Riley holds her breath standing outside Cameron’s door, his mom and dad lingering protectively at the bottom of the stairs.

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