Page 34 of Saved By the Firefighter

I shake my head once. I can't give in. Not again. Giving in is what led us to this moment.

“Well, thank you for letting me crash here,” Ellie says softly before giving my arm a gentle squeeze. It takes all I have not to pull her back, to tell her to forget everything and just stay. I need to rip this bandaid off.

"Take care, Ellie," I manage to say before she slips out the front door.

The door closing behind her feels too final. The room is suddenly colder, emptier, as if she took all the warmth with her.

The tantrum reaches a fever pitch. Charlotte collapses to the floor, thrashing and screaming. I scoop her up and carry her to her bedroom, my heart shredded into confetti.

She's a bundle of raw, unchecked emotion, and she makes it known with every kick and wail. "I don't want her to go!"

I lay her gently on the bed, but she scrambles like a wild thing to the window, staring as Ellie gets into the car she ordered. Charlotte chokes on her sobs, her small hands pressed against the glass. "I'm not sick anymore, but she can still stay." She turns to me with a red puffy face and eyes. “Please…Daddy…”

"She can't stay here forever, sweetheart." My throat tightens around the words. "No matter how much we want her to. She has her own life"

She stands next to the window looking like the life is draining from her. Covering her eyes with the crook of her elbow, so sobs. "I miss…Mommy. All the…other…kids have…mommies. Why…not me?"

Seeing her in so much pain is more than I can bear. I try to reach for her, to hold my little girl, but she smacks my hand away and shrieks, “Let me alone! You made her go!”

"Sweetheart, I know you miss her. I miss her too." My voice breaks, mirroring my resolve. "But Ellie can’t be your mommy."

"Why not?" she sobs.

"She just can't."

It's the most pathetic, useless answer I've ever given, and it does nothing to stem the tide of her grief. Frustration, helplessness, fear—they claw at my insides, reminding me of all the times I couldn't save those I loved. I can’t even comfort my daughter right.

Charlotte throws herself onto the bed. She curls up around the stuffed bear Sarah gave her, the one she's clung to since she was a baby.

Watching her, a lead weight settles in my gut. I decide to give her the space she needs, closing the door gently behind me. Back in my own room, I drop onto the edge of the bed, my gaze drawn to Sarah's picture frame. I straighten it, her smile a bittersweet memory that warms and wounds me all at once.

The house feels like an empty shell without Ellie's presence, cold and uninviting. I run a hand through my hair, tugging at the knots, my mind racing with doubts about sending her away. Staring at Sarah's photo, I search for answers. I can’t find any.

Chapter 15

Ellie

THREE WEEKS LATER

The last bell rings and my students rush out the door, eager to begin their weekend. I wave and call out, "Have a great weekend!" receiving a chorus of "You too, Ms. Carter!" in response.

As the last of them disappears, I turn to my desk, papers scattered like leaves in autumn. I start sorting, organizing what I can into neat piles—slips, art projects, homework—all the little artifacts of learning and growth.

Danielle finishes straightening up the students' desks then walks over, the big yellow, chunky necklace she’s wearing catching my eye. Somehow, she pulls that look off. "Not tutoring Charlotte today?" she asks.

I glance up, shaking my head with a rueful smile. "Not today. Charlotte's having a sleepover at her friend’s for the weekend. She told me yesterday."

Danielle nods, picking up a stray crayon gracefully. She moves like a ballerina sometimes; I can't help but envy that kind of poise.

“You look bummed,” she comments.

I touch my face. “Do I? I’m…no I’m fine.” As I speak, even I can tell my words sound like bad acting.

“You sure? You don’t get to walk her out to see her hot firefighter dad and then try to give him a casual wave like you’re not missing him.”

I give her a pointed look. “Well, someone needs to stop spying on me.”

She laughs. “I’m not spying. I only happened to see the interaction yesterday since I stayed late grading papers. I’m just assuming you always blush that much whenever he’s around.”

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