Page 37 of Saved By the Firefighter

I throw on leggings and a hoodie, avoiding my reflection in the mirror. In the hallway, Marcus's door is still shut tight, so I sneak past and grab his car keys by the front door. I don’t want him thinking I’m sneaking off to meet some random guy—though it would be perfectly fine if I was since I’m an adult and he’s unreasonable—so I pull out my phone. I shoot him a quick text: Need to make a quick run to the store. Be back soon.

He responds immediately: I really hope you are just going to the store.

I roll my eyes. He claims he’s so overprotective because he promised Dad he’d always look out for me, but I have a feeling Dad would even tell him, “Son, back off a little.”

I lock the front door and frown my way to his car. Marcus's behavior is like a splinter under my skin—irritating—but it's got nothing on the tidal wave of panic about what might be growing inside me.

No, I can’t jump to that conclusion. I don’t have any proof yet, and I’m sure stress is just messing with my cycle. It happens.

At the gas station, I grab a pregnancy test, pay while avoiding all eye contact with the teenage cashier, then I bolt to the bathroom. The fluorescent lights flicker above me, casting stark shadows across the white tiles. I squeeze myself into a tiny, disgusting stall and do what needs to be done.

This isn't how I imagined taking a pregnancy test—squatting in a public bathroom that smells of antiseptic and desperation. I imagined it would be a more joyous event that would come someday after I’m married. Then I would wait for my husband to get home and share the results, both of us crying and confessing our love over and over.

But life doesn’t always give us what we plan, does it? I’m here, anxiously staring at this stupid pee stick to determine my fate. One pink line and my life goes back to normal. I return to my duplex, move on from Jake, grow some more friendships around town, and focus on my career.

Two pink lines and…well, I don’t even want to think about that. It would definitely shatter my relationship with Marcus. And I think Jake is still grieving and completely not ready for a relationship. I know he’d do the right thing and be a good Dad to our child, but it might be at a distance. We wouldn’t necessarily become a family.

My vision gets blurry, so I wipe away the tears. When I have a child, I want it to be with a man who loves me back—a man who wants to become a family with me.

I take a breath and close my eyes, waiting for the timer on my phone to go off.

It’ll be okay. It’ll be negative and I’ll be way more careful with my pills from now on.

The timer goes off and I open my eyes.

My heart drops to my feet.

Two pink lines.

"No,” I breathe out because it’s obviously a bad test. The box said I would get the most accurate results in the morning. Since I’m taking this in the evening, I’m sure it’s a false positive.

Trying to ignore the sinking in my gut, I trash the test and walk out of the bathroom. I grab three more tests, all different brands, then return to the cashier. The young man is smirking at me, but he doesn’t speak, only rings up my items.

I hurry back to the bathroom.

I take two more tests, saving the last one for tomorrow morning to use for a final verdict. But even I know my denial can’t last much longer: the two new tests are positive.

I lean against the sticky wall, not even caring that I’ll need to go home and take another bath.

How did I let this happen?

Pregnant. With Jake's baby. Everything, my life…it’s all going to change and I don’t think I’m ready for that. Marcus might never forgive me. And Jake…I think I foolishly love him but he’s a guarded man. I completely understand that he’s not ready to move on from such a tragic loss, I only wish…

I let myself cry. It doesn’t really matter what I wish; I have to deal with reality. Jake is going to lose his best friend. My relationship with my brother will now be strained. And I’ll be like a single mom, sending my child away on weekends to hang out with her dad and sister.

When I envisioned what my life would be after moving back to Cedar Ridge, something like this was beyond what I could’ve imagined.

I leave the bathroom, still sobbing, and make my way to the exit. The teenage cashier gives me a pity-look because I’m sure I currently look like a mess. A pregnant mess.

I touch my stomach as I reach the car, still struggling to believe that a little baby is now growing inside me. Whatever happens, I’ll take care of this child with everything I have. There’s no doubt about that.

I’m only terrified of telling Jake—the man who recently made it very clear we can’t have a relationship—because I have no idea how he’ll react.

Chapter 16

Jake

Itear open another box, grabbing a stack of Charlotte’s clothes and taking it to her room in our duplex. Feels like an eternity since I’ve been here. The contractors did a good job fixing the roof and water damage. It’s exactly the same but feels completely different somehow. Ellie is still just on the other side of the wall but she feels miles away.

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