Page 49 of The Kitchen Contract

“It’s still early,” Alex says when we’re done. “You want to watch a movie?”

Translation: Do you want to snuggle up on the couch together under a blanket?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Alex finds an action flick we’ve both seen before. We settle in and start watching, but my mind quickly wanders until I’m not paying attention to the movie at all. I’m so lost in thought that I jump when Alex laughs at a funny line.

He shifts to look at me. “Sorry, were you asleep? Did I wake you up?”

“No, I wasn’t sleeping. I guess I just zoned out for a minute there.”

He studies me for a moment, then reaches for the remote and pauses the movie. “What’s wrong, Rose?”

I smile reassuringly. “Nothing. I’m fine. Let’s just watch the movie.” I really don’t want to spoil our evening together, since it will probably be several days before I can see him again.

“Did I do something?” His brows draw tightly together and I can tell he’s not going to let this go. Add “persistent” to his list of personality traits that I mostly admire. It can be a double-edged sword.

“No, it has nothing to do with you. I’ve just been thinking about my parents a lot this week, and I’m considering telling them the truth soon.”

“Okay.” He nods. “What made you decide that after all this time?”

“You did.”

“Me?” He looks surprised.

“Yes, you.” I smile at him, then sober as I try to explain. “All of this…” I make a vague circular gesture around us. “Plus the show and the hair and everything that has changed…it’s got me thinking maybe it’s time for a fresh start. And it really helped that you didn’t act like I was a terrible person when I told you what happened. That made me think maybe my parents wouldn’t either. They’re not bad people.” I fiddle with the edge of our blanket. “Me not telling them was all about my embarrassment and shame, not them. At the time, it felt too hard to tell them, but now it's starting to feel even harder to keep holding onto this secret.”

The feel of his thumb gently tracing circles over the back of my hand is calming, and I’m grateful for his quietly supportive presence as I verbally process.

“I guess it also helps that the show has been doing so well,” I admit. “It’ll be easier to confess my failure when I can follow it up with a success. But now the thing that’s keeping me from calling them is the fact that I haven’t talked to them in like, six months. We’ve grown apart, which just makes it harder, and which is entirely my fault. I let this secret drive a wedge between us, and that’s the thing I regret most, you know?” I’m so focused on getting all this out that I’m surprised when I feel a wet plop on my arm and realize I’m crying.

Alex’s arm comes around my shoulders and he pulls me close, planting a kiss on top of my head. After a few minutes, the tears start to slow, and I sit up and swipe my cheeks with my sleeve.

I sniff. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spoil our time together.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about. I’m glad you told me. Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want me to be there when you call them?”

“Actually…” I take a deep breath. “What if I call them right now before I lose my nerve?”

He sits up straighter, his earnest gaze never leaving my face. “If that’s what you want. I’ll be right here the whole time if you need anything.”

I nod and sniff again as I reach for my phone. My thumb hovers over my mom’s contact, then I tap it firmly, my heart racing as the phone begins to ring and I put it on speaker.

“Nora? Is everything okay?” My mom’s voice is colored with surprise and concern. A wave of remorse floods over me. It shouldn’t be cause for alarm when a daughter calls her mother.

“I’m good, Mom. I just wanted to talk to you about something, if you have a minute.”

“Of course, I have plenty of time. What’s up?”

“Is Dad around? It might be better to tell you both together.” I wince at how serious I sound.

“Alright,” Mom says warily. “I’ll go get him. Don’t go anywhere.”

I hear muffled voices and glance up at Alex, who gives me an encouraging smile. “You got this,” he mouths.

“Hey darlin’.” The sound of my dad’s deep, familiar voice almost makes me choke up again. “You alright? Your mama said you wanted to talk to us about something.”

“Yes, I’m fine, really. I just wanted to let you know something that I’ve been keeping to myself for quite a while.” I hesitate just for an instant, then launch into the story I told Alex, recounting my expulsion from culinary school. When I finish, my parents are so quiet I almost wonder if they’ve hung up, until my dad says, “Is that all?”

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