Page 33 of The Kitchen Contract

I try to dredge up a smile but I’m pretty sure it looks more like a grimace. “I appreciate it, but there’s not anything you can do.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I set my smoothie cup on the desk and steeple my fingers under my chin, staring off into space beyond him. Do I want to talk about it? It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that I feel like a teenager bummed out over a crush who doesn’t like me back. But if I can’t talk to my brother, who can I talk to? He already knows I’m not myself, so if I share what happened, I can at least clear the air so we can get back to work. With him in his own office instead of on my desk.

“So I kind of like Nora a little.” Not kind of, and not a little, but I’m giving him the lite version.

Grant nods. “I know. What happened?”

I squint at him. “How did you know?” I thought I was pretty subtle, a regular man of mystery.

Grant rolls his eyes again. “It was pretty obvious on the Fourth. Everybody noticed the way you two were looking at each other. Maddy said Rowan asked if she’s your girlfriend now.”

I groan and press my fingertips into my eyes. “She’s definitely not my girlfriend. I was thinking about asking her out, but then today I saw her while I was getting lunch. She was with a guy, and she kissed him.”

“Like on the cheek?”

“Nope, mouth.”

Grant winces. “So you found out she’s taken, and you’re bummed about it.”

“More or less.” More, actually, but I’m not sure how to explain that my feelings for her had escalated past your average attraction, despite my hesitations. The heart wants what the heart wants, right? But it didn’t matter now. The heart was going to have to suck it up and get over it.

“I’m sorry, man.” I wait for him to say “Serves you right” or “What comes around goes around” but he doesn’t. He’s never thrown my past mistakes in my face, even when he probably should have. Grant is a better man than me, but that’s not news.

“So what are you going to do?” he asks.

I frown at him. “Nothing.”

He raises his eyebrows and looks like he wants to say something else.

“What did you expect me to say? That I’m going to break them up so I can have her?” I shake my head. “Well, you might not think so, but I’ve learned my lesson.”

Grant’s hurt expression makes me regret my words almost instantly. His reply is quiet. “I didn’t think you would do that. I meant, are you going to keep letting her come to your house and make videos? It might be hard for you.”

Why am I such a jerk?

“I don’t know. I guess I haven’t gotten that far yet.”

Grant nods. “Something to think about.” He glances at his watch and stands. “I should probably get back to work, but let me know if you need anything, okay?”

I give him a thumbs up.

Once Grant is gone, I slump forward and bury my face in my arms.

One day. I’m going to give myself one day to be upset about this, and then I’m going to man up and put this behind me. It’s not like I even lost her. She wasn’t mine to begin with since we’d never taken any real steps beyond friendship. All I really lost was a possibility, and that’s not so bad, right? Except that the loss feels more real than that.

One day, I tell myself. But then I feel the tightness in my chest.

Okay, maybe two days.

22

NORA

Alex has been acting weird today. Well, not weird, exactly, but not like himself. I’ve almost opened my mouth a couple of times to ask him if something is wrong, but each time he says something to distract me and the moment passes. I can’t put my finger on the difference, except to say that it feels like the extra connection I sensed forming at his backyard celebration has disappeared. Or maybe I was just imagining it was there to begin with.

We film the steps for creating southwest-style quinoa bowls and sit down to eat them together, which is normally my favorite part of the process. But Alex is uncharacteristically quiet today, and I miss our usual banter.

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