Page 45 of Sanctuary

“The night before, Lena, one of my sisters, was doing her homework. She was always a good artist, and she was drawing portraits of Nav’s gods. She gave Chernobog a longbow. I told her that wasn’t what the bow looked like. I had seen it up close. I’d held it and fired it, although I kept that part to myself. She didn’t believe me. I had a teenage moment. You know when you’re twelve, and you are absolutely certain that you’re right and the world is trying to wrong you? I dragged her to my brother, all indignant, because I knew my father had taken him to see Chernobog, too, and, as the future Black Volhv, he would settle this.”

“And?”

“I didn’t know it at the time, but when my father and brother had gone before Chernobog, he’d looked at my brother, said two words, and sent them back out.”

“And what were they?” she prompted.

“‘Wrong boy.’”

Andora let out a short laugh.

“My brother knew me really well. He’d watched me get in trouble with the school enough times, and he could tell I wasn’t lying. He realized that I must’ve seen the bow. A light bulb went off in his head.”

“He’d figured out the right boy.”

“He did. He looked at me, and there was hatred in his eyes. I saw it. It was like a physical thing. He’d said, ‘Aren’t you tired of being a fuck-up? Every day you shame our family. Nobody wants to hear anything that comes out of your mouth. Learn to be silent. That’s the best thing for you.’”

He remembered it word for word.

“Wow.”

They had reached the end of the woods. The Glades waited ahead, a wide opening, wrapped in a wall of forest. Roman stopped. Andora stopped, too.

“I didn’t sleep that night. I just got angrier and angrier. In the morning, I went to school, and I don’t remember most of the day. I sat at my desk and stewed in my rage. I was so pissed off, it felt like I went blind. I hadn’t asked for any of this. I was tired of trying my best. They thought I was a fuck-up, so I would be a fuck-up.” He took a deep breath. “I let go. Because that’s what fuck-ups do. I didn’t care if anybody got hurt. I just pushed it all out. All the hate, all the anger. All the bad feelings. My dad’s bone charm turned red, burned through my clothes, and broke. And then you had a viper instead of hair. I felt terrible. I still feel terrible.”

“You never apologized.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, Roman. Back then, when we were kids. You never apologized.”

“I punched Kovalyev when he was laughing about it.”

She stared at him. “Punching an unrelated third party doesn’t count as an apology.”

“They moved you out of our class. I was told to not come within fifty feet of you.”

“You could’ve found a way.” Her voice was merciless.

“I could’ve,” he admitted. “I didn’t know what to say. That’s why I left chocolate in your desk.”

She blinked. “That was you? I thought it was Lisa.”

“Lisa would’ve left you gummy bears.”

“True.”

“Again, the blame is mine. I just want to be clear that it wasn’t personal in any way. Ask Dabrowski when we get back to my house. That last one made him sick as a dog. He vomited for like an hour, and Daciana passed out. So I wasn’t picking on you. I wasn’t trying to get your attention. I didn’t derive any happiness from tormenting you. I had so much of my own shit going on, I barely registered the fact that you existed.”

“Ouch.” She laughed a little.

“I’m digging this hole deeper, aren’t I?”

“Oh yes. What kind of chocolate was it?”

“Ferrero Rocher,” he said. “With hazelnuts. Golden wrappers. Sixteen in a pack.”

Chocolate was expensive in the Post-Shift world. He had spent everything he’d had on it.

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