Page 57 of Wicked Suspicion

“No one tried to help you?”

He made a sound that sounded like a snort. “I got put in foster care a couple times while my mom was in rehab.”

His tone made it clear he’d hated that. She decided to avoid foster care as a discussion topic. “What about your dad?”

“I never met him. I don’t know his name. I’m not sure my mom knew who fathered me. When she needed money, she’d do some hooking. Even if her client had given her a name, it would have been fake.”

That was said without emotion as if it meant nothing to him, but Nyx knew better. Even with Case’s back to her, she could tell this had a strong impact on him. “You could do a DNA test,” she suggested quietly.

Case shook his head. “No. I don’t care enough to look for that asshole. She was seventeen when I was born. You want to bet he was an adult?”

Before she could figure out what to say, Case kept talking. “She protected me. She didn’t do drugs while she was pregnant, and she kept her clients away from wherever we were living.” Another pause. “She hid her drugs and told me over and over not to touch anything. To never be like her. She said she wanted me to do something with my life.”

“It sounds as if she loved you more than anything in the world.”

Again, Case shook his head. “No, I came in second. The drugs came first. They always did.”

“The drugs were something she was helpless to resist. She didn’t choose them over you. They controlled her. If she’d been in control, she would have chosen you every time. I know it.”

“Maybe,” he allowed.

“Definitely. I’ve had spanakopita at restaurants. That’s a ton of work. If she was cooking it for you because you enjoyed it, she loved you.”

That eased some of the tightness in Case’s body. “I used to sit in the kitchen with her while she made it. We’d talk, and she’d tell me stories and make me laugh. Those are some of my favorite memories of her.”

Memories of her. Nyx was afraid to ask the obvious. “What happened?” It was an ambiguous question if he wanted it to be.

“I was eighteen. At boot camp. She OD’d.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears welled. She reached out and squeezed his arm. “It’s hard to lose someone you love.”

Case stopped and turned to her. “Nyx, I lost her years before she died. I don’t think she was clean the entire time I was in high school.”

Reaching up, Nyx stroked her hand over his bearded cheek. “I know better, Case. Until she died, you always had hope that she would go back to rehab and maybe this time she’d win the battle against the drugs. When she died, that hope went with her.”

He looked away without answering, but he didn’t have to. She knew she was right. Without waiting for an invitation, Nyx stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Case, hugging him tightly. He was a grown man, a Special Forces soldier, but she couldn’t help but think of a little boy who had to learn to fend for himself.

A little boy who’d become a caretaker to his mother. A protector far too early.

Slowly, he returned the hug, holding her closely against his body, taking the comfort she offered. “I hated feeling helpless. I tried everything I could think of to get her off the shit. Nothing worked, not for long.”

There was nothing Nyx could say, so she held Case tighter.

“I hated the lying,” he continued, voice soft. “So much lying. Lies of omission when I was young, and when I was old enough to know when she was using, she would just outright lie to me.”

“She was protecting you.”

“How do you figure that?”

“She knew how much you disliked her drug use. She didn’t want you to worry about her.”

Case didn’t answer, but his arms tightened, bringing her another fraction of an inch closer. His childhood sounded bleak. Someone else wouldn’t have escaped the cycle, but he’d been strong enough to get out. He’d gone into the Army, become a Special Forces sergeant, and he was skilled enough to be assigned to covert ops. He even managed to earn a college degree.

“Your mom would be proud of you.”

He went still, not even breathing for a moment. Then a partial shrug, one that was miniscule enough not to jar her head. Taking care of her. Still. Yet. Again. Always.

Nyx froze. She’d danced around the truth earlier, telling herself she was falling for him. As if pretending it wasn’t a done deal meant she could reverse her emotions. She wasn’t falling for Case. She was already in love with him.

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