Page 78 of The Sound Of Us

Eli reaches forward and kisses the corner of my mouth while I chew. It’s delicious and I tell him so with a sign. He tells me he’s impressed with my sign with a thumbs up. When I’m done chewing, I slide the plate closer to me and take the fork from his hand. Then I lift a forkful of food into his mouth.

He doesn’t eat much, saying he’s full after three bites, so I finish the rest, insisting that I feed myself.

When I’m done, we both check the time. Forty minutes left.

Eli gathers the dishes to the sink and then pulls me into the living room. He adds a few logs to the fireplace and soon a small bright fire warms up the air.

He sits on the floor in front of the fire, his back to the couch, and pulls me down between his thighs. I curl into his chest sideways, tucking my legs underneath me. Pepper sits next to Eli.

I never knew it was possible to be with someone, not say a single word, and still feel like you’ve said a million things. And yet, here we are, me and Eli, wrapped in the warmth of the fire and each other, and it’s like I have known him my whole life. Like I’d known him even before I’d ever laid eyes on him. And then when I did, it was as if I was only recognizing… and claiming… what had always been mine. He is the lover from my dreams. The one I escaped to when Frank touched me. The one who had protected me from the emptiness of sex with my husband.

He’s real. Eli is real. And he’s mine.

We stay there, touching, caressing and watching the digital clock on the side table. The debate to tell him about my doctor’s visit tosses back and forth in my head. Fear wins, and I put it out of my mind.

When I lift my head ten minutes before our time is up, Eli tightens his arms around my waist. I squeeze him back. It feels like I’m leaving him forever.

But reality runs on a tight schedule. I have to go.

The fire still burns brightly, so I can see his face clearly and he can see mine. “I’ll come back,” I say.

He nods stiffly, his arms not budging an inch. I push gently and he finally releases me.

Pepper circles us, her bone now dry as a stone. Eli retrieves the rest of my clothing. I change into them quickly, making sure to remove the panties and put on my regular underwear. Eli takes the panties from me and slips them into his pockets.

Seven minutes.

I stand in front of the fire, desperate for my last few minutes to slow down.

Pepper sits at my side and Eli comes up behind me, inhaling into my neck and then pressing soft kisses there. He reaches around and presses a key in my hand.

I turn in his arms. He points to the back door. “Your house key? For me?” I ask.

He nods.

And then, out of nowhere, I blurt out, “I’ll grow my hair back out.”

He frowns. Maybe I spoke too fast. I open my mouth to repeat myself but he places his finger to my lips and kisses me with so much tenderness, I feel heartbroken over the insignificant fact that I no longer have the long hair that he liked so much. This is the most intense it’s ever been between us. I’m so scared. So scared of us. For us.

One minute. My head begins to ache.

I cup his face between my palms, the same way he’s holding me, and I kiss him back with a terrible joy and an incurable sadness.

***

Pepper and I walk quickly up the road and disappear into Mrs. Dalton’s property. Then, around the back, where Mrs. Dalton has left a treat for Pepper. We grab it quickly and then emerge onto the road again, as if we’re coming up from Mrs. Dalton’s house.

I turn the doorknob just as Frank swings it open. I’m stunned into a stupor when he glares at me.

“Jesus, Axel. The fuck you creeping up like that? You almost killed me. You done with Mrs. Dalton?”

“Yes, sorry, Frank,” I reply, the lie sliding out easily. Pepper barks once, asking to be let in. “Can Pepper sleep inside today?” I ask, still standing on the threshold.

He peers outside to inspect the rain. “Yeah, okay, but if I find that mutt on my side, it’s getting kicked out of the house, you understand?”

Pepper barks and I nod. Frank doesn’t even care that Pepper is so smart, she’s answered him too.

He opens the door wide. Pepper and I step forward, only to be almost run down by Frank’s friends who come slurring through the kitchen. “C’mon, get your asses home. I’m tired now,” Frank says.

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