Page 124 of The Sound Of Us

I’m getting the best medical care in the world.

Three days. That’s how long it had taken for Eli to make all these arrangements. It was strange working with him. He never made any decisions. Instead, he always looked to me to make the final decisions on everything. It was… empowering, having someone by my side like that while I took charge of my own life.

Ben and Mrs. Dalton text every day. Mrs. Dalton said that Frank told everyone that he caught me cheating and asked me to leave. He went on a smear campaign, telling so many lies about me and Eli. The only truth he told was that I'd cheated and he'd gotten buckets of sympathy for it.

Mrs. Dalton told me to leave it alone. That I had nothing to prove to anyone over there. She hasn’t stopped apologizing for telling me that Frank had left for work that day when he hadn’t, even though I tell her everyday it wasn't her fault.

Eli and I got tested together, clearing each other for sex without protection.

We make love as often as possible, but I’m getting more and more tired as the days pass. Erections are becoming fewer as the days pass, so we make the best of the times I'm able to get it up. Eli won't have penetrative sex if I'm not hard. I love him so much for his consideration.

Eli is still technically on vacation, so he spends most of his days home with me, afternoons at the hospital, and evenings are spent eating dinner and me playing on the piano.

I ask not to meet his mom in the hospital because I’m terrified of how she might react, despite Eli assuring me not to be. But he tells me he understands and we agree that I’ll meet her as soon as she’s back home.

Having my choices respected is difficult to accept, and it feels like my brain is broken sometimes. Asking for what I need and then the guilt that follows when I get it, is an emotion difficult to explain.

I fall into a predictable, mundane routine, like the article said. Even the food I eat is the same. Eli shows me a food market two blocks away, a pizza and pasta place two blocks in the opposite direction, and a library around the corner.

“Your first time applying for a library membership,” the librarian had asked when I went in the first day with Eli.

After that, Eli encouraged me to leave the house to go to the places I’ve become familiar with.

I leave the house with Pepper every day at ten a.m. when Eli sits down for his work meetings. We visit the market on Mondays, the library on Tuesdays, and I’ve learned that Eli loves the pasta from down the road, so we get pasta for lunch every Wednesday. Thursdays is back to the market and Friday, back to the library.

I video call Ben and Mrs. Dalton some days to give them a tour of my new home. Their response is always the same: a resounding we’re so happy for you and don’t ever come back.

There’s a history museum not too far away. With a credit card issued for my use and Eli’s driver, I arrive at the museum early on Friday morning, while Eli is at his office for an in-person meeting. We dropped him off first. Pepper is at home, upset she couldn’t come.

I browse through the museum, listening to the guide. Today, there is an exhibition about bourbon whiskey. I’m mesmerized, not just by the history of this place, but by the fact that I’m out here, doing something I love and I don’t have to worry about what Frank would think about it. Or have my phone blow up with him asking what time I’ll be home. In fact, I wouldn’t have been able to do this at all in River Valley.

I eat lunch at the restaurant outside and the aloneness is invigorating. The sense of independence is both foreign and completely natural at the same time. I notice that I chew my food slowly, not having to rush through so I can get to the dishes in the sink. I can load my fries with ketchup without being asked how the fuck can I eat like that.

I receive a text from Eli asking me if I’m enjoying my day out. My first instinct is to think he’s being sarcastic, but I breathe through it and remind myself that he’s genuinely asking me. So, I respond, saying I was having the best time.

When I return home, something smells… burnt.

Eli stands in the kitchen feeding Pepper charcoaled chicken.

He laughs when I enter and signs, “I wanted to make you chicken wings.”

I laugh too, but really I want to cry with his thoughtful gesture.

We end up ordering sticky chicken wings and we have an early night because I got too tired.

Chapter 64

Axel

I meet his mom as soon as she’s released from the hospital.

Eli’s parents’ house is simple for a family that owns so much of the world. It’s spacious but not opulent. Elegant but not untouchable. It looks lived in. Like many happy memories is what built this house.

Mrs. Saxon sits on the couch in the living room. It’s cold today, and she’s seated close to the fireplace. She’s the slightly older version of the woman whose picture hangs on the wall at Eli’s office. He gets his blue eyes from her. The rest of him comes from his father, whose pictures could be found in frames all over the living room. Eli had a happy childhood. It’s evident in the family photos.

Eli holds my hand, his fingers linked with mine. It feels rude to hold on to him like this, but he won’t let me go.

“Give us a minute, Eli,” Mrs. Saxon says gently. She sounds like Eli. In fact, this whole house… sounds like Eli and now his mother. The calmness is strange. I’m not sure how to respond. Convincing myself that I don’t need to be on high alert, watchful all the time, is a more difficult feat than it might seem.

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