Page 36 of Roaming Holiday

It shows me that I’ve always struggled with clothes that were too big or too small, wearing only on certain occasions or with certain shoes. Confidence surges through me at wearing clothes that fit like a glove.

My sister’s multi-colored, shimmery dress has a lace butterfly covering her back where the tips of the wings turn into straps. The style matches her personality.

The two of us are already tall—she’s five-eleven and I’m five-ten—but we tower over the entire beauty team once we step into heels that match our dresses. We have an iPhone photoshoot on the sofa and divan. Unlike before, I feel comfortable enough to be in front of the camera, and it helps that my sister is my biggest cheerleader.

Not long after arriving at the club, Maia insists we go to the lounge so she can order some food. Her excitement triples when she learns they serve vegetarian burgers. Leave it to my sister to order food the second we arrive.

“Shit!” Vanessa curses, scrubbing at the bread dip that fell onto her dress.

I lean over, then wave a hand. “Oh, that’ll come right out. I have a stain stick in my purse. Come on, let’s go to the bathroom.”

“A stain stick?” Vanessa echoes, scooting out of the booth.

Maia laughs as her food arrives. “She’s not kidding.”

“You coming?” I ask.

She pouts. “My burger just got here, though.”

“Okay, watch the drinks, then.” I pluck a couple of fries from her plate. She tries to smack my hand away.

“Hey!”

“Older sister tax,” I tell her while sliding out of the booth and holding the fries up in salute. “Thank you!”

Vanessa spends more time marveling over my stain stick than I do cleaning using it on her dress. “It’s so useful! And quick!”

“It’s definitely a lifesaver.”

The bathroom has more places to sit than pee. A large mirror and empty counter line one wall while a couch and chairs line the other. The sconces look more expensive than my college degrees.

“This isn’t your thing, is it?” Vanessa suddenly asks.

I perk, noticing my bored demeanor in the reflection. I smooth my hair. “Getting dressed up, yes. Going out, no.”

“It’s fun a little bit, no?” Her accent grows thicker the more nervous she is.

I square my shoulders and shake it off. I’m better than letting people feel uncomfortable in my presence. “Oh, yes, of course. I get to spend some time with you.”

She and Maia have already created a bond, and I suppose we haven’t because I don’t try. But that’s how it’s always been. My sister goes out to have fun while I consider the heavier, practical stuff.

I clear my throat in the silence. “What was it like… growing up here?” Being a princess. Being Aunt Beverly’s daughter. Being part of the Elias family.

“A little lonely, if I’m being honest,” Vanessa says, wringing her hands together. “Jace didn’t really want anything to do with me until I turned twenty. You know, the younger sisters are never cool enough.” She chuckles shakily. “I felt—frozen. Everything was. I kept asking my mother why she wouldn’t just become queen. The palace and the Higher Court were holding their breath, yeah? Waiting for something… For you. Everyone is much happier since you and Maia arrived. It’s like they have hope.”

“Hope for what?”

“For people to look at Maldana and see beauty. Strength. Family.”

Being the face and representation of such an amazing country is not the worst fate that someone can have. But the pressure to be a picture-perfect daughter makes me want to reject it. It’s unwise to let these decisions sway me because my past is done—I’m a grown woman and I can do as I please. If anything, my childhood can help me navigate the road ahead and avoid falling into those same patterns. Yet my stubborn side doesn’t want to do any of it. The alternative is starting this new job that I hate.

Was it ever really a choice?

Is my answer going to be yes?

“It’s…” I exhale. “It’s so much to take in. All I wanted was to learn about my real mom… and I get all of this.”

She tsks and sarcastically says, “Life is so unfair.”

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