Page 12 of Roaming Holiday

Questions about Mom plagued me for years. Now that I have answers, I expect relief and joy to fill me to the brim.

I’ve never felt emptier.

Beverly is a stranger. Ophelia too. This book won’t bring us closer; her being white makes it worse. I look nothing like my mother or the woman in front of me.

How can I be queen of a place I feel I don’t belong?

“I know this is a lot,” Dad says.

“Understatement,” Maia mutters. It comforts me that she doesn’t reach for the book, either. She’s as hesitant as I am.

“But that’s why we?—”

“Stop,” I snap, my voice echoing. “Just—stop with this. I’m not old enough to run for president and you’re asking me to be queen.”

“Princess,” Beverly corrects, “until your coronation.”

“I’m not the princess of anything! Or a queen!” I look at Dad. “You let us build our lives only for this to come tearing it down. We—we have dreams and goals and you encouraged us to follow them knowing this enormous decision would come our way.”

“I wanted you two to have a normal life! That’s what your mom and I worked so hard to give you. I wouldn’t defy her wish by doing the opposite.”

“So your outcome was to bury her memory?” Maia whispers, knocking through the tension instantly. Dad’s defenses crumble. As always.

“I… It wasn’t easy. I didn’t know what to do.”

“Anything,” I press. “Instead, you did nothing. She wanted us raised with this culture, and you did nothing.”

Ruby’s eyes pop with surprise and Dad’s head flicks up. His eyes flash with warning as his voice deepens. “Watch it. I did the best I could with what I had.”

Fear slithers into my stomach as it does every time he raises his voice in his authoritative manner, but my anger is stronger than my fear today.

“You made my own mother a stranger to me. Not the grief, you. What did you think would happen? That I’d suddenly forget you emotionally abandoned us our whole lives? That I’d be okay with being asked to take care of a country when I grew up taking care of you and Maia instead of enjoying my childhood?”

I don’t wait to see his reaction. With an anguished huff, I get up and head for the French doors behind me. They’re a clear exit to the garden outside, and the height of the day’s heat assaults my skin instantly. I walk through the pristine paths lined with colorful flowers. The gardeners give me a nod of acknowledgment. Trellises with crawling vines surround me. I want to take it in, but my entire body is thrown off kilter from jet lag and this staggering news. How could Dad keep this from me?

I walk into an empty gazebo and collapse onto the bench, fighting to hold in tears. I want to forgive his emotional absence during my childhood, but seeing more of the life I should’ve had makes it that much harder. Mom says in the letter that it’s my choice, but I know what’s expected of me. Taking care of people is what I do.

Even though Ruby entered my life during high school, she didn’t truly become part of the family and help with Dad until I went to college. Before then, I made sure Maia did her homework, kept curfew, stayed out of trouble, had good grades, did extracurriculars, and ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I made sure Dad woke up on time, packed a lunch, got to work, didn’t drink, cleaned him up when he did, and attended AA. He loved bragging about my academics, so I worked harder. I did my best in hopes it would inspire him to be better; it never did. I drove myself into the ground by being an impeccable sister, mother, waitress, athlete, academic, and daughter. When can I be Nina?

I spent my life being something for someone and nothing for me.

And now I’m expected to take care of an entire country.

7

WESLEY

Jack sends me to trail after my client, who’s slumped on a bench in the same gazebo I kissed Anastasia Rosso in. Nina flinches when she sees me, her eyes wide and glassy with unshed tears.

“Madam,” I say with a nod.

“You,” she says, studying my beard and hair. She doesn’t rise from the bench.

I extend a hand that goes untouched. “Wesley Troutbeck. Everyone calls me Beck.”

“Why are you following me? And I don’t just mean today.”

I close my hand and drop my arm. Clearly, they didn’t let her know a strange man would be following her around all summer. “I’m your security detail during your holiday in Maldana.”

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