Page 9 of Oops, I'm Having My Best Friend’s Baby!

“I mean, I couldn’t do it without Amy. Run a billion-dollar company without her support? It would be unthinkable.”

They carried on like that for most conversations, tag teaming as they said whatever sounded the most posh and ridiculous at the time. They didn’t keep track of what they had said to whom. Who even cared if one person thought Kai had proposed on a beach and another thought he’d done it in Venice? They were both absurd lies, and the fact that people ate it up without even questioning was both ridiculous and delicious.

People’s reactions were fascinating, and the whole escapade started to feel like a social experiment. All of the jocks who had ever called him skinny or weird in the past now were almost too nice to him, ready with a handshake and loud efforts at conversation. As if an in with Kai would be the lottery ticket to fix all their worries. Kai wondered if they’d genuinely forgotten having thrown his backpack in the dumpsters on a weekly basis or if they somehow thought it no longer mattered? It was fascinating how their minds worked, truly, because in what universe would he grant favors to any of them?

The women were a different matter. Mostly they just stared in shock, which faded to a cool and collected envy directed at Amy. Again, it was simply bizarre, as if they had all, even if just for a second, imagined that Kai would have shown up and swept one of them away on a whim to start a new life together.

Overall, it was the most fun he’d had in a very long time, only made better by the fact that Amy’s warm body was tucked into his side, her hand in his. Kai was enjoying every second of this.

“Do you guys want your picture taken?” The photographer that had been hired for the event was suddenly by their sides, footsteps unheard over the beat of the music. Various couples and friend groups had been getting photos under a balloon arch.

“We would love to,” Kai said, and before Amy could agree or disagree, he dragged her along to the balloon arch — which was now looking slightly limp in the dim light — and stood them beneath it.

“Let me just fix your collar, honey,” Amy said, loud and obnoxious enough that her voice carried through the gym. She proceeded to smooth the collar of his shirt down with overexaggerated strokes.

That was when Kai nearly lost it completely, having to literally bite his tongue to not end up in hysterics on the floor, breathing through his nose like you’re supposed to when you’re having a panic attack, except this was a potentially lethal laughing fit. The problem was that it set Amy off as well and she had to hide her face in Kai’s shoulder, which made him want to laugh more. But both of them were so determined to keep up their ruse that they simply refused to lose control, not after all the work they’d put in that evening to rub their “perfect” lives in their classmates’ faces.

So when the photographer snapped away with his camera, the smiles and laughing were genuine, rather than the overdramatic, plastic doll smiles they’d been favoring all evening like politicians, mostly because it unsettled people.

Kai’s chest hurt from trying to control himself, and Amy’s eyes were shining from held-back tears. Every time he looked at her, his heart felt like it was going to burst. He blamed it on the atmosphere, on their shenanigans. That was all. That was all it could be. That was the only reason that he couldn’t bear to let go of her hand…

“I have an idea,” he said into her ear, mostly just to be heard over the music and the crowd, but making himself look very mysterious while he did it. Amy, for her part, put her fingertips to her mouth like she was trying to keep a secret.

“What idea?” she asked.

“We should probably make a dramatic exit. We can come back for your stuff later.”

“Why, what car did you drive?”

“My sports car.”

“The one that looks like it belongs to a supervillain?” Amy asked, eyes lighting up with mischievous glee.

“I don’t think it looks like it belongs to a supervillain, but yes, that one.”

“Oh, my God, yes,” she said, practically jumping up and down. “But we have to make sure everyone knows we’re leaving, like make a big deal of it.”

“So we’re going to do the rounds and say goodbye to everyone as if we’re ever going to see these people again?”

“Precisely.”

“You’d make an excellent sleeper agent, you know? The way your weird little mind works would be perfect for it.”

“Thank you!” Amy said, seeming genuinely moved by the compliment. They proceeded to go around the room, apologizing for having to leave so early. It was such a shame because they’d had such a wonderful time and wished they could have stayed longer. Suddenly, there were a lot of compliments about the catering she’d provided, praise forthcoming now that people thought she was important. Kai wasn’t even surprised anymore by how these people acted, but it gave him the motivation to put on one last burst of energy for their performance.

They made a big show of saying goodbye to everybody, which took a while, before leaving the gymnasium, continuing the overexaggerated farewells to everybody who had drifted outside, right in view of the parking lot. Then they’d walked over hand in hand to Kai’s six-figure sports car, feeling eyes bore into their backs with every step.

Kai couldn’t remember the last time he’d had this much fun. Finally, at the age of thirty, he had one good memory that had taken place in the halls of Chateman High School.

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