Page 46 of Something So Strong

“You haven’t asked me a question yet,” I say brashly as he removes his coat and drapes it over his arm. “Though I wouldn’t be opposed to you getting naked without the need to chat.”

“It’s past eleven and you know we have an early morning.” His head remains forward. “Besides, why can’t we just talk? Like during work tomorrow. Why does it have to involve stripping?”

Because sex is the only thing I know that makes me feel good.

It’s my freedom and the prison I spend every day locked inside of.

Good or bad, it’s all I know.

It’s all I’m good at.

All I cared about until his freckles destroyed me.

“Look,” Jesse continues. “I wanna get to know you. For years I did the ‘fuck first and ask questions later’ bullshit… I mean… Not that we’re. I dunno… You know what I mean.”

He’s spiraling, but I’m too in my own head to even revel in his adorable misery.

“Here we are,” I mumble as the elevator door rattles open. Stepping out first, I look back at him and wait. “I’m not that interesting, you know.”

“I don’t believe it for a second.”

Exhaling sharply through my nose, I pass off his comment as trivial. “I’m sure you’re much more fascinating than I am.”

“How will I know unless you tell me?”

Stopping in the middle of the hallway—equal distance between our doors—I look at Jesse and into his innocent green eyes. “It’s better this way.”

“Kai—”

“No, don’t!” I snap before catching myself. “Don’t ruin it.”

Jesse steps in front of me. “Ruin what? I thought we had a great night.”

His hand wraps around my wrist, and I tense.

His brow creases, begging me for an answer.

Looking down, I see my tattoo-covered skin encased in pure, unblemished, creamy white. Closing my eyes, I imagine myself without my tattoos. Unmarked and untainted. Clean and righteous and worthy of his attention. But no amount of wishing can add luster to the steaming pile of shit that I am.

“That’s the problem.” I turn away, but he pulls me back. “Jesse, please.”

“No! After all the shit you’ve put me through the past few days, you don’t get to just walk away…”

He tugs me harder and I battle with my impulses because I know he isn’t trying to hurt me, but my subconscious wants me to fight for my life.

“...Now man up and fucking tell me what the issue is all of a sudden.”

With my body turned away, I yank my arm from his clutches and bring my fist to my chest.

“Fuck you!” Jesse yells, pushing me and sending me face first into my door.

I’m completely powerless. My back is exposed and I feel like all the life is draining from inside me. But remaining still, with my head leaning against the door and my hands pressed flat against it, I accept my beating.

“You’re a real cunt, you know that? I should have trusted my common sense and not listened to the shit you spouted. You like me. How could I be so fucking naïve?”

Silence.

He wants a response.

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