Page 37 of Something So Strong

“Come on, Kai. Could you show me a little more respect in front of the new staff, please?” she huffs, sidling up to me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jean,” she says, holding out her hand for me to shake and I shudder at her pronunciation. “What’s so funny?” she asks, giving Kai the stink eye.

“He prefers Jesse. And it’s Jean. You’re from Montreal. You should know that.”

“Oh, of course. Sorry Jean—I mean, Jesse. I’ll be sure to have that printed on your name tag as well… Anyway, I’m Esther, the front-of-house supervisor. You know, bell boys, concierge, all that. I’m pretty easy to get along with, which I’m sure you already picked up on.” She gestures to Kai, scrolling through his phone. “Just make sure you do your job well and we won’t have any problems.”

Her smile is warm, and I nod in reply. “Pretty sure I’ve got the hang of the check-out system already.”

“I’m not surprised.” Esther makes her way to the concierge computer by Kai. “This one will take a little longer. Have you printed out the manual yet?” she asks him.

“Just getting on that now.” Pushing off the wall, Kai throws his phone in the drawer, nudges it closed with his hip, and walks to the computer he used all morning without even looking at our boss.

“Why the hell do I put up with you?”

“Because I’m fucking amazing at my job and the guests love me.” He turns around, a cheesy fake grin plastered on his face.

Esther nods, you’re right, and addresses me again. “Learn from him, but not all of his traits. Promise?” she smirks.

“Promise.”

“Perfect. You can have your lunch break now.”

I’m cold. Colder than I should be.

I can feel the warm air hitting the back of my neck from the air-conditioning vent above me, but I’m shivering inside my chest like I’m outside in the snow… I think.

Or maybe I’m just thinking about Andy and wishing someone had been there for me at my lowest point. Or, more accurately, I’d allowed myself to be helped.

I’m not a victim, and no one has ever seen how weak I can be. Not anyone who I wouldn’t kill if I saw them again. And I’m not talking about my father. Sometimes I’m scared I’ll look up from my computer, see Josh’s face, and snap. And there’s nothing anyone will be able to do to stop me…

I… I want Jesse back. He makes me calm.

He makes me want to drop the act and show him behind the curtain. No more duplicity.

But I’m hardwired and I can’t reach my reset button.

And what makes me think I deserve him, anyway?

He’s perfection. I know nothing about him, but I know that much.

I need him back.

I need his anxious energy. I can counter against it.

I need his gall, no matter how practiced it may be, because I can test his limits. The more I dig, the more I uncover, and the deeper into him I can fall.

I told him I wouldn’t break, but the binds holding me together are like gossamer. One swipe of that tongue across his bottom lip and I’ll fall to my knees…

I smirk, looking up from Instagram and Jesse’s private account. The one I’ve been staring at for the past five minutes, squinting at his profile picture and wishing I had the balls to follow him. Except that would mean him knowing how much I’m thinking about him. How much I want him, even though that’s exactly what I’m trying to prove.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” Tall, gruff, and so bi-racially handsome it’s sickening. Saxon, one of Jesse’s friends and fellow new recruit, has decided to flaunt the staff rules and walk freely around the resort.

“What the hell do you want, Kai?”

“Should I not be the one asking you that?” Uncrossing my arms, I lean forward on the counter to study as much of him as I can see. “A little more put together than the last time I saw you.”

The guy’s a complete dick. Asshat vibes on full power. Just the kind of guy I can picture being friends with Josh in high school. Good at everything, afraid of nothing, with an ego that allows him to dish out his opinions like they’re what everyone needs to hear even though they never asked for it.

“Feeling’s mutual.” His eyes crease and he matches my attitude. Note for note. “Much less like a total slob.”

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