Page 152 of Something So Strong

My forehead creases.

What doesn’t he understand?

“I just wanna make you feel good, too.”

“I do feel good, Kai.”

“But I didn’t do anything.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t. “That’s how I make people feel good.”

“God. What the fuck have they done to you?” Jesse grabs the sides of my head and holds me firm. “You are enough, Kai. Just as you are. Just standing here breathing. You chose me, out of everyone you’ve ever met. Do you have any idea how amazing that makes me feel?”

I’m like a statue, virtually lifeless in his hands. I understand his words, but they’re just so hard to believe.

Words were never enough.

I hate you was always followed up by a slap, a concussion, or a broken something.

Words were always empty.

I love you—no matter how rare it was said—didn’t prove a damn thing to me. It only ever made the person saying them feel better. My mother—fuck her—only ever used those three words as an excuse. As a lie to herself, and anyone outside of our house who might question my bruises. But we both know she only ever loved one person.

Actions. They’re what matters.

They can hurt, but can also feel incredible.

They’re the only true indications of how a person feels about you. And I think this thing I’m feeling might be love. Or at least the closest thing I’ve ever come to it.

It’s not just a desire to protect like with Andy. To trade witty remarks like with Cleo and Saxon. Or to even have a beer and not talk about anything at all like I know I can do with Romeo. It’s all of those things. And being able to be a complete shitshow of a person who’s learning how to love one minute at a time because they’re just that fucked up.

“Are you ever gonna believe me, Kai?”

“I want to.” My dry eyes blink and a fine line of water wells, but not enough to form tears.

“You’re everything I need. Just… Just knowing that you’re there. That’s all I need.”

“But I wanna show you.”

“When we met, you couldn’t even walk into my room. Now I have a key to yours. You know how big of a deal it was to trust me with that, so how can you not see that it means more to me than—makes me feel better than—anything I’ve ever done?”

“It’s just a key.”

Jesse shakes my head. “Are you even listening? It’s not about the key, it’s about what it means. What it all means. Us showering together, spending the night together. You feeling comfortable enough when you’re around me to get drunk… All that means so much to me, Kai.”

“Okay.”

I think I spoke it. I know my lips moved, but I’m not sure if any sound came out.

“Huh,” Jesse sighs. “You’re gonna be the death of me… Do you really think last night would have happened if you didn’t make me feel special every single day?”

“Am I not a burden, though?”

“Sometimes,” he snickers. “But it’s all part of the big ball of mischief that you are. And… I like taking care of you. I like that you need me.”

“And what about—”

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