Page 54 of Something So Strong

I don’t think I can go back to before him, either.

The emptiness of my stomach is the only thing keeping me grounded.

No breakfast, no coffee—I don’t deserve them. Just my own self-deprecating thoughts to keep me company as I wait in the staff room for Jesse.

No number of cigarettes would be enough to calm me for our unavoidable discussion, though no amount of money could tear me away.

Seriously? How in the fuck does he still manage to control me even when he’s not in the room? Even when I’ve decided we can never be…

The staff room door swings open and endorphins swell in my system.

Jesse’s hair is windswept and matted, and he looks like he didn’t sleep a wink. But everything wrong with the world feels right… For me… Everything wrong with my world seems right, and disdainful as it may be, I’ll do whatever I can to keep it that way.

Swallowing down my urge to tease him for his hair, I look purposefully at the clock and stand. “Better get in there. I don’t feel like getting a mouthful from Celeste this morning.”

“S-sure,” he stutters his reply, hesitantly taking a step towards me, only to stop when I don’t move. He wants my approval to come closer. He’s desperate for the validation that last night meant something.

Staring at his lips, I want to tell him that I can’t be trusted to make the right decision, so he needs to make it for me. He needs to make me his. He needs to shake some sense into me and show me why we’re right for each other. I want him to grab me, push me against the wall, kiss me again, and make all my pain go away. But that’s so fucked up. Because I’m fucked up.

Kai Tremblay; the gang-rape victim who wants to be dominated.

Who’s ever heard of something so sickening?

Tearing my eyes away from him, I walk out of the staff room before I spill my guts all over the table.

“Wonders never cease.” Celeste feigns surprise when I open the reception door.

“Gotta play by the rules sometimes.” I shrug, pushing past Wade to toss my phone in the drawer before nudging Celeste out of the way so I can log onto the computer she was using.

“Morning,” Jesse says cheerfully, but I can tell it’s not sincere. Even if he does back it up with a smile before he shuffles past Wade.

A beautiful smile.

A smile that should have been mine.

A smile that has Wade unapologetically checking him out and me feeling perplexingly homicidal.

“What’s up his ass this morning?” Celeste asks Jesse with a jerk of her head.

Wade looks at him with hungry eyes, hopeful for a crack. Anything. Even the tiniest chink in my hold over him as an excuse, because Wade likes straight boys. Cute ones. Ones whose ears turn red when they’re nervous. Ones he thinks he can turn.

“Maybe your flirting back got the better of him and he’s all nervous to be around you?” Celeste cackles like a fucking witch.

“Leave the poor boy alone.” Wade puts his hand on Jesse’s shoulder and I grab the stapler. “A sexual awakening can lay heavy on the mind.”

Yeah? And a stapler can leave a decent dent in your skull.

Not responding to either of them, Jesse leans forward on the counter and turns his head towards me.

Locking my eyes with Wade, who is mimicking Jesse’s position, I feel my nostrils flare and the vein in my neck pulse.

“Can you fuckers just piss off?” I snap, slamming the stapler down. “I try to get here on time so I don’t have to listen to your bitching, and instead I have to deal with Wade trying to fuck Jesse in front of me.”

Shocked, Wade takes a step back from Jesse. “I was only playing around.”

“I know a predator’s eyes when I see them.”

“Kai!” Celeste scolds.

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