Page 44 of Something So Strong

“I guess at least you know he approves of me,” Kai says lightheartedly.

“Yeah… Sorry about that.”

“What the fuck for?” he laughs. “I just wish I’d been able to record it.”

I chuckle dryly because I have nothing else to do or say. Nothing productive anyway. I want to be around Kai, near him, in his thoughts. Anything. But there’s nothing I can do about the surge of dread that’s swelling in my guts.

“You having second thoughts?” he asks, reaching over and rubbing my thigh.

“Nah,” I try to answer as genuinely as I can. “Just got more questions for you is all.”

“Better get ready to take your clothes off, then. You need to make it worth my while.”

Cracking a smile, I punch him in the top of the arm, but before I can retract it, Kai grabs my wrist and brings my hand to his lap. I’m not sure how long I keep holding my hand in a fist, but at some point, I slowly uncurl my fingers until they are draped across his thigh.

“Which floor is he?”

“Same as Sax.”

I look at Jesse; really? And he giggles like a fucking girl.

“Level one.”

“Now’s not the time to get flustered, Jess. You know what it does to me. It’d be pretty awkward to have a hard-on with my arms around your friend.” Sticking my foot out, I stop the elevator door from closing and shuffle inside.

“Guess we’ll have to drop him off quickly, then.” Jesse looks at me in the mirror, then hangs his head bashfully as another brick is knocked off the top of my wall.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” I ask, maneuvering us so we are facing the door.

“Pretty sure you’re the one with all the powers of seduction.”

“True. But all you need to do is look at me and I question everything.”

I can see Jesse look at me from over Romeo’s limp head, but all I can do is lock in on the rusty join of the elevator door as the stillness swallows me whole. My back feels bare, uncovered, like I could be jumped any second. My fingers are tingling, my nose and head hurt, and I’ve not felt so vulnerable since I cried for my mother and she ignored Dad’s handprint and the blood running down my face.

“Come on, Romi.” Jesse steps out of the elevator and tugs us forward. “Saxon’s already moved on,” he jokes with a jerk of his head towards his door and the sound of his shower running.

I force a huff, but can’t make a smile appear on my face

A few more feet and we’re at Romeo’s door, and Jesse rifles through his jacket to find his key. “We’re back at your room, mate,” he says loudly, slapping him on the cheek once the door is open.

The light from the hallway is enough to illuminate the way into his room, but I already feel like I need to get out. So as Jesse leads us sideways toward the bed, I find myself desperately reaching back, smacking at the wall until I find the light switch.

Like a bolt of electricity shooting through him, Romeo hisses and springs to life. I let go of him and cower away as he stumbles, but he’s fading fast. With a spin of his shoulders and a nudge from Jesse, he collapses on the mattress and is out cold again.

With a hand on either side of the narrow entryway, I look back over my shoulder to make sure the door is still wide open.

Every breath I take feels like a cyclone whirring past me. Into the room, then back out again.

Trying to knock me over.

Making me vulnerable.

With nothing to hold on to, my fingernails claw at the drywall as I try to convince myself no one is going to hurt me. But I can never know anyone’s intentions but my own, and half the time they aren’t righteous either.

Who can I trust when I can’t trust myself?

I’m a human grenade. My pin is falling out and there are only so many times I can try to push it back into place before it slips out and I take everyone down with me.

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