Page 15 of Something So Strong

Joking, joking. I’ve got more than enough of you stored in my spank bank. ??

Honestly, my uniform is pretty fucked too.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Guess who I’m working with?

MAVIS: Firstly, the term spank bank disgusts me. Second, despite that, I’m still flattered. And lastly, unless you tell me you start tonight, I don’t really care who you’re working with. ??

JESS: . . .

I keep writing and deleting my reply.

MAVIS: Fine… But I haven’t met anyone other than you, Saxon, and Romeo.

JESS: Yeah, and…?

MAVIS: FUCKKKKKKK ??

Kai, yeah?

Have fun with him.

I’m still not sure who he wanted to have his way with more. Me or you!

Holy fucking shit balls.

If Mavis noticed, then Romeo and Saxon definitely did, and I need that about as much as I need a kick in the bollocks. Though that might do me the world of good if it could help curb my curious hormones. But again, I’m a barrister, not a scientist. And I don’t like guys. I don’t like Kai. My cock was just confused. I was tired, and the wires got crossed.

End of internal rant.

JESS: Excuse me? What are you talking about?

MAVIS: Just an observation. He was making eyes at you through the rearview mirror. And I saw you blushing more than once when you caught him looking.

JESS: I wasn’t blushing and I’m not gay.

MAVIS: Yeah, I remember. ?? And yes you were. And I’m not trying to label you as anything. I’m just saying that you didn’t seem to mind the attention. ??

JESS: Enjoy your first shift.

I throw my phone out of reach and press my thumbs into my temples, curling them until the nails are scraping at my skin to counteract the swirling that’s returned to my stomach.

Guilt.

Disgust.

Disorientation.

Eagerness and craving.

All valid descriptions of how I feel when thinking about Kai.

I can rationalize all of them except… disgust.

Why do I feel such self-loathing? I’m not homophobic. I have gay friends. I staunchly believe that everyone is born equal and always intended to use my chosen career to support human rights in whatever facet they were presented to me. But my own life? My own wants…

Wants?

What the hell am I saying?

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