Page 44 of Dangerous Devotion

I delve my tongue in deep, and her pliant body arches into me. The hand on her calf glides up her smooth, familiar skin. I revel in every inch of her flesh. Her strong thighs feel different in my hands now, meatier somehow, and her hips were narrower when I held her last it seems. I must not remember as perfectly as I thought I had. Because here she is, perfect beneath my touch, and I would not change a thing about her. Tormenting us both, I slowly unbutton the shirt she borrowed. Every time I reveal a sliver of her pale skin, I dip my head to kiss her. The hollow of her throat, just below her questioning look. Here eyes are fevered and bright, her face flushed, lips swollen from my kisses. She sits back on her knees and lifts her chin.

Serena unbuttons the shirt herself, opens it so that I can look my fill, greedy eyes traveling from her collarbone, between her breasts. I part the white cotton fabric to bare her lush breasts. They look and feel more ample, her nipples big and juicy, a pretty flush on her skin. I kiss each one, savoring the salt taste of her warm flesh, the responsive tightening of her nipples when I lick one. I fumble with the next button, but Serena catches my wrist to stop me.

I lift my head from where I was busy laving her nipple with my tongue and trail my eyes from her breasts down to the curve of her belly. The rounded swell of her abdomen which is very different from the slight curve of her flat stomach that I knew so well. I narrow my eyes, letting it sink in.

Serena is pregnant. I stare for probably a full minute, speechless. She puts both her hands on her stomach, not to cover it up, but to cradle it. She reaches for my hand. I let her take it. She presses my palm to her bare skin, lets me learn by touch the new shape of her.

When I look up and meet her eyes, I feel my shock give way to something unexpected. First is the overwhelming wave of joy. The wonder of this brave, beautiful woman carrying my child. I start to reach for her, to draw her protectively into the circle of my arms. Just as suddenly, the joy burns out of me and anger thrashes in my chest as I jerk my hand back from hers.

“Is this why you walked out on me?” I accuse. “You weren’t scared off by the danger. You found out you were pregnant and didn’t want me to know.”

Serena’s face crumples for an instant. The hope I hadn’t recognized in her eyes flickers out. She wraps my shirt around her body, hiding herself from my gaze now.

“It was both. I took the test the same day we met at the diner. You were late, then I found out you were hurt. Not that this is your fault. I take full responsibility. I was scared to tell you because after I stitched you up, I was so upset and emotional and I could only see how our baby would be a pawn in this business. That an enemy would kidnap or hurt our child to control you. We’d never have a moment when he could be a happy, carefree child because we’d have guards all over the place. I didn’t want that, didn’t want our child to grow up at such risk, and to wonder every second if this was the day that some rival family takes our baby for leverage.”

Serena is trying not to cry. I might respect that effort, but I’m so pissed off that I can’t even see straight.

“I was wrong to keep this from you. I was so scared and that’s no excuse. I know now that you’re the only one who can keep us safe, Jack. Please. Please—” She breaks down and weeps into her open hands, right there on my couch, wearing my dress shirt with the sleeves so long on her that the cuffs almost cover her fingers.

I can see her shoulders shake with sobs. I open and close my mouth like a fish gasping for air and dying on the deck of a ship. I can’t reach for her again or imagine trying to comfort her because I’m bleeding out right there, my whole life blown apart. For a long time, I can’t speak. There are no words to tell her how she could have grabbed the gun out my nightstand, pumped my chest full of lead at point-blank range and laughed in my face while I asked her why—and that would’ve hurt me less than what she did. Grief swamps me, a wildfire leaving only ash and emptiness behind. Then in the hollow husk of me, rage flows back in, bitter and wretched. Misery soaks me like acid rain.

When I find my voice, it sounds, to my ears, exactly like my father’s voice.

“You’re carrying my child and kept it a secret. You hid this from me, had the balls to act sad and say you couldn’t bear to talk to me on the phone—God, when I think how that got my hopes up, thinking you must really love me like I’m some stupid teenage motherfucker who didn’t know up from down.”

I rake a hand through my hair, get up and put distance between us. I can’t stand the sight of her, sitting there on my couch in my shirt like she’s the damn Virgin Mary with tears tracking down her cheeks after she betrayed me that way.

I’ve never been angry enough to lose my head and hurt someone. This moment, I’ve scared myself because I feel out of control. I have to get out. I can’t stand this place or this feeling.

I walk out and get on the elevator while I call my car. It feels like I’m dropping fifty levels into hell as the elevator plummets to the ground level. Fuck this. I’m not spending another minute listening to her bullshit excuses. No one has ever hurt me like this, no one ever came close. She might as well be a goddamn assassin because I feel like I’ve been shot about seven times through the heart, through the head, maybe one right through the eye for good measure.

I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I have to get my head together, make some heavy decisions. I feel sick, gutted, like I’m dying only worse. There’s no one I can tell, because the person I trusted the most is her.

25

SERENA

Itried to tell him. Then I let him kiss me. I should have been strong and forced him to listen. That way he wouldn’t have discovered for himself and reeled back like I’d turned into a werewolf right before his eyes. He looked at me like I’m a monster, like I am the worst thing he’s ever seen. It hurts so much to know he hates me, but I knew it was a possibility. I took that chance because I thought I was protecting our baby.

He walked out of his own penthouse barefoot just to get away from me. I make myself get up and grab my wet clothes off the bathroom floor. I wince as I put the cold, clammy, dirty leggings back on and the wet bra and t-shirt. I leave his shirt on the hook by his robe. I find my shoes and then write a note.

When I get downstairs, I figure I’ll get a cab and pay them when I get home since I have no cash on me now.

I step out of the elevator and the doorman approaches me, “Miss Mayfield, there’s a car waiting to take you wherever you want to go. Mr. Marino was very particular about this, you’re to be delivered safely by his driver.”

“Thank you,” I say to him, and my voice cracks. I’m horrified that I might burst into tears right there. Because even though Jack hates me, he stopped in all his rage to order a car for me. To look out for my safety and well-being. I swallow hard and get in the car.

The house is just like I left it down to the dirty lunch dishes in the sink. I peel off the clothes I had on and throw them in the trash. I never want to see them again. I take another shower to warm up and put on my baggy pajamas.

I lie down in bed, curl on my side, and stare at the wall. I feel shell-shocked, abandoned by Jack with no hope. It’s not really different from my situation when I got out of bed this morning, but it feels so much worse. I feel destroyed in some basic way that I’m not sure I can recover from.

Tomorrow morning I’ll have to get my dad from the hospital, explain my work absence to my manager, act like an adult who knows what responsibilities are. Tonight, I just let myself spool up in my blankets and feel sorry for myself. Even if I did bring most of this on myself.

I wake up to Caylee’s call. “Hey, you okay, girlie?” she says, too loud. I grumble and rub my eyes.

“I’m okay, why?”

“Nothing, just footage on the news of sexy mobster Jack Marino carrying you out of a building in his big, strong arms—nothing much. Could you have maybe told me?”

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