Page 99 of Hiding from Hope

“Sorry, I should have given this back already.” Jessie looks down at the manuscript in my hand.

“What?” he breathes, his eyebrows furrowing, his eyes finally leaving my face and bouncing between me and the book in my hand.

“It’s yours. You can have it back.” I step forward and give Addison a sideways glance. Taking the hint, she and Noah leave. I feel Rosie’s stare on me like a brand, her wide eyes pained as she looks at the manuscript, then at me. She runs a hand down her face, squeaking a sound that is probably frustration and anger in one, before she spins and heads back down the hall.

“Are you going to take it?” I ask again, trying my best not to cry now that we are alone.

“Umm… okay, sure.” He takes it, but stands there.

“I could have dropped it off. I’m sorry you came all the way here.”

“Hang on, I didn’t come back here for the manuscript,” he says and makes a point of dropping it to the floor and taking a step toward me. It takes me a moment, but then I remember.

“Oh… sorry,” I whisper and turn back into my room, grabbing Jessie’s sweater from where it lays across my desk chair. I was hoping he’d forget and that I could keep it, curl up in it and sniff it when I was desperate for a reminder of him. I hand it to him, not able to look at his eyes when he takes it. Instead, he snatches it from my hands.

“Fuck’s sake, stop apologising, Casey. Look at me.” He throws the sweater to the bed and kicks my bedroom door closed behind him. His tone has me doing as he says, and I inch backward.

“You are making me insane.”

“I’m so sorry, Jess—”

“No! It’s not about that!” He is shouting in frustration, his hands scraping through his hair before he drags them down his face, making a noise that sounds similar to a growl. Before I can blink, his hand is wrapped around my wrist and he has me spinning, my back pressed against my wall, his body caging me in.

“I don’t give a fuck about that manuscript right now. Or the stupid sweater. It’s yours. In fact, take all my fucking clothes. I don’t care.” My heart beats rapidly out of my chest, and my breaths come in quick. His deep scolding voice is no longer shouting, instead he speaks level, his lips inches from mine while his intense eyes burn through me.

“What?”

“I am not angry about the manuscript right now,” he clarifies.

“You’re not?”

“No. I’m not. I’m angry because you thought I’d quit. That I’d be done, just like that,” he emphasizes with a click of his fingers. “That I could possibly leave you, or be done with you, over something like this.” His words are severe, but I can’t quite wrap my head around what he means.

“But—” I try to clear my head, shaking it.

“We’re in this forever, sunshine.” His expression softens slightly, but his words hold every bit of authority they had when he stormed in here. “You said so yourself. I need you to stop running away. Don’t turn and leave when we’re in it.” I try to say something, but nothing comes out. I’m literally stunned into silence. Thankfully, my tears also appear to be stunned and have stopped. That, or I just ran out.

“I betrayed your trust.” The words are a strangled whisper as I struggle to get them out. A menacing look crosses his face as he slowly shakes his head.

“You lied, you stole, but you did something you thought would help me. Am I angry that you didn’t tell me? Yes.” Shame hits me, and when I drop my head to hide from the way it overtakes me, his calloused hand grips my chin and raises my eyes, forcing me to stare into his heated gaze. I don’t think I’ve ever held anyone’s attention the way I hold his.

“Am I angry that you showed people something that was private, a sore spot for me? Yes. Am I a little embarrassed that people have read it, that you thought I was something you could fix? Like you wouldn’t fucking believe.” I drop a tear and squeeze my eyes closed, trying to hold in the sob. Trying to understand why he is doing this, forcing me to look into his eyes while he tears me apart.

“But I am so much angrier, livid in fact, that you thought I could ever leave you over something like this.” His grip on my chin turns into a caress along my cheekbone, tucking a hair behind my ears.

“We’ve only just begun, sunshine. We’re going to make mistakes. We can’t go on thinking that we’re done after each one of them.” His words have my eyes opening again, trying to make sure I am actually hearing this correctly, and he leans in to kiss my cheek. His one hand framing my face while the other comes to wrap around my lower back and pull me against him. “You have to know that forever is a long time. That means there are going to be times when we’re going to piss each other off.” His eyes search mine, my breath lodged firmly in my throat, along with my heart.

“You’re going to giggle out loud to your books while I try to focus on work, and I’m going to cook your dinner with the wrong ingredients. You’re going to forget to eat your lunch, and I’m going to storm into that studio with some pathetic excuse of a sandwich and sit there while you eat it.” He did do that once and the memory almost makes me smile. But I’m still stunned into a catatonic state as he continues to list the ways we’re apparently going to piss each other off in our apparent future together.

“I’m going to work until you have to come to the café, scold me, and demand that I take a day off. You’re going to forever sacrifice pieces of yourself for the people you love, and I’m probably going to overreact like a caveman anytime you want to leave the house in that blue fucking dress.” A laugh slips through a sob and his thumb swipes a tear. “I might make a mess in our kitchen, and you might forget to restock the creamer in our fridge.” For the briefest of moments, his eyes take on a faraway look before he blinks and sears me with his baby-blues. “One day, you’re going to have to yell at me for the potty mouth our kids will no doubt run around with. I’ll come in from the lake and leave mud all over the floor. You’ll get our daughter hooked on silly romance movies, and I’ll have our son in Ice Hockey lessons instead of basketball.” I can’t stop it, my sobbing turns into a proper cry at the way he tells me of our future in the same way I had dreamed it would be. “But, at the end of all of it, there is you and there is me. We’ll still end up on that porch with a cotton-candy or chocolate banana latte, watch the sun set over our bit of land, and breathe in the peace that having our potty-mouthed-ice-skating children finally asleep will bring.” I can’t stop looking into his incredible eyes and getting lost in that devastatingly handsome smile. “I’m fucking in love with you, and there is nothing in this world that you could do that would make me want to quit you.” His grip on my chin remains firm, and after a deep breath, I squeeze my eyes shut, letting the tears spill out, and I nod. When I manage to pull my shit a little bit together, I peel my eyes open and see him still gazing at me with all the longing and love in the world.

“So… you s-still want to be with me?” I feel hope lodge itself firmly in my chest and I almost burst out crying again from the way my chest inflates.

His smile is extraordinary as he continues analyzing every inch of my face.

“You’re the finale, the spectacular, the reward. You’re everything that makes being alive worth it. So next time, when I need a moment, while I’m learning to share all my ugly parts with you, don’t, even for a second, think that it could be over. I’m never leaving you. You’re mine and I’m yours. Got it?” Both his eyes bounce between mine as he holds me to him. I can feel his heart beat rapidly against mine. Not having anything to say in response, no words that can comprehend the relief I feel, the way I ache for him, I leap and wrap my arms around him.

Just as he had promised, he catches me as I fall deeper for the man I think I’ve loved forever. His arms hold me tightly across my back as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. He kisses a line up my neck to my jaw as I cry and let his words sow my heart back together.

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