Page 83 of Hiding from Hope

“I’m not going anywhere, Casey. You can call me boyfriend, or you can call me Jessie. You can call me JJ, Jay, Jess, caveman, whatever. The name or label or tease doesn’t matter, the only thing that does is that every one of them is yours. I am yours.” With my fingers twisting her ring, I use my other hand to tuck an errant hair behind her ear and give her the smile I know makes her wild. She heaves a sigh and leans into me, dropping her head to my chest, and I wrap my arms around her tightly.

“What’s scaring you?” I ask quietly, leaving little kisses in her floral scented hair.

“That you couldn’t possibly love me like I love you. That I am too much to take care of and you’ll resent me. That you’ll leave for something bigger and better when it comes along.”

I feel my heart drop and my stomach bottom out.

“This all just feels way too good to be true. Too easy. I… I’m scared to go deeper, because I won’t survive you, Jessie.” Her voice feels so quiet and so contradictory to the strong version of Casey that I know so well. When I pull back, I see that worry lining her eyes, and even though I know smiling is probably inappropriate, it just warms me slightly that she feels as scared to lose me as I do her.

“I wouldn’t survive you either, sunshine.” I kiss the tip of her petite nose. “Love seems too small a word for what I feel for you.” I kiss her pretty pink cheek. “You’ll never be too much for me. Caring for you is one of my favorite things to do.” I kiss her other cheek. “And if you fall deeper, I promise I’ll already be there waiting to catch you.” I wait for her eyes to meet mine so she can see it in my eyes, the way she has my heart entirely in her hand. It’s hers to do what she pleases with.

The corners of her lips tip up again, and gradually, it grows into a stunning smile, and she reaches up on the tips of her toes, giving me her soft lips, which I take immediately. Sealing the promises.

“So, you’re… my boyfriend?” she asks, scrunching up her face. The look causing a chuckle to release from me.

I nod gently but ask, “Do you want me to be?”

“Yeah, I think I do,” she responds. “Because that makes me your girlfriend, and I like the sound of that. Jessie’s girlfriend.” She bites her lip and my desire from before comes roaring back.

She could be my girlfriend for right now.

But, in this moment, I knew, one day, Casey Baker was going to be my wife.

Casey

“Okay, just breathe, and relax, and everything will be fine. There is nothing to worry about at all. Because this is normal. It’s totally normal to start dating your best friend’s older brother. My dad met you when I was fourteen and you were twenty, so I’m sure he isn’t going to care about that at all. I am—”

“Baby, just breathe.” He wraps his arms around my shoulders from where he stands behind me on the outside of my apartment door. Because I am a huge chicken, who is now a rambling bunch of nerves. I am never scared of my parents. But for some reason, I just really, really want them to love Jessie, and I really don’t want them to judge or hate. It’s not like anything ever happened when we were kids. I was just a hormonal teen and Jessie was–is–so fucking gorgeous. It was impossible not to crush on him. And now that I know his soul, it would be literally impossible not to fall in love with him. Like I already have.

This nickname, though? I could love that, too. Ace? Panty melter. Sunshine? Swoons and internally sighs. But, baby? Dies as heart explodes.

“You forget, they already love me, anyway. I know Bev packed extra pastries in there for me every time.” He gives me a delicate kiss on the neck, then reaches ahead of me and opens the front door, not giving me the time to spiral further.

We enter the apartment, and I speed walk into the kitchen.

“Hi, Mom,” I call to her from where she sits on the couch with the girls, and she leaps up and jogs over to me, wrapping me into a tight hug. “My baby girl! Oh, I missed you,” she says as she squeezes the life out of me. I pat her back, chuckling.

“I missed you, too, Mom.”

“There’s my angel.” Dad’s deep baritone hits me from the hall and wastes no time in circling us in a group hug, his height being where I got mine from, and he towers over us in a tight, loving hug, the familiar smell of them both giving me a pang of nostalgia in the chest.

“Oh, hey, Jessie. I didn’t know you were joining us, too?” Mom asks from over my shoulder, and my palms are instantly sweaty.

“Hey, Bev, lovely to see you again.” He leans in from behind me, leaving a polite kiss on her cheek. “I knew there’d be delicious treats if you were in town.” His smile is devastating, and Mom is no more immune to his charm than I am, and she hits his shoulder. Pulling on his trademark smile, Jessie turns his attention to dad.

“Tony, long time.” He shakes my dad’s hand, who pulls him in for one of those bro-hug pat on the backs that young people do, and I think this is his attempt at being ‘up with the kids’, but Jessie lets him, the same comfortable smile they give each other, still there.

“Good to see you, Jessie.” Dad nods at him. “How’s the café?” Hands are now on the hip and he is ready to settle into a deep discussion about business. Ugh.

“The café is great,” I finish, ready to just rip the band-aid off this so I can stop freaking out like a child. “Anyway, we have to tell you something.” Addison and Rosie are standing from the couch so fast. Addison has wide eyes, and Rosie looks like she does on Christmas morning: mouth agape, heart eyes, and brimming with energy as she physically restrains herself from jumping on the spot.

“Jessie and I are together.” I don’t know why that sounded like a business announcement. And why my arms are crossed this way?

I move my arms to hang by my side, but then that feels too weird. I move them to rest on my hips. But now I look like mom when she is lecturing me. I cross my arms again. What the hell? Why am I so weird right now?

Jessie’s snort chuckle from behind me has me spinning and pinning him with a stern look, and I make a mental note to punish him later. Something creative. Like reading about Baseball Daddy while I’m naked, with a no-touching rule in place. I’m sure he won’t be laughing then. Jessie has his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans, his lips pulled into a smug smile, as he quickly squeezes his eyes shut. Laughter sputters from where Addison and Rosie are now hiding behind the couch, and Jessie finally breaks the awkward silence.

“Uhh… not how I thought that was going to come out.” He steps up next to me, and returning my attention back to my parents, I see Mom with a pout, trying to suppress a smile, but Dad’s face is unreadable.

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