Page 79 of Hiding from Hope

One single word, barely any pain in that delicate face of hers, and she spins on a heel and is out of the studio without another.

I just stand there, staring at the spot she just vacated, my heart still racing, my neck hot and flushed, my bones aching. The need to scream burns through my lungs.

“Casey?” Elle’s gentle touch to my shoulder makes me flinch, and when I turn, there is sadness on her face. Shit. I just told a room full of staff and clients that I’m closing one studio, or at the very least removing myself from it. Not that I actually am planning to do that next week. The idea came to me in the moment, and I just spoke without thinking.

“Can I call you later? I need to go,” I whisper to her, blinking back the sting in my eyes.

Elle nods. “Of course, go. I have the rest of the night, anyway. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I nod in thanks, and her pitying stare follows me as I grab my things and head for the door.

The air is crisp now, completely in the thick of winter, a bite to the stiff breeze and light snow dusting the streets as I make my way to Pucks. It sits between the West studio and our apartment, so there really is no point in heading home first. I’m stuck in a daze, running over the things I had said, the things I should have said. That I still love her, and I’m not giving up. I’m just stepping back. But I couldn’t, the rage it just, overtook me.

God, I feel sick. I don’t even know what just happened.

“Hey, sunshine.” That deliciously smooth voice has me sighing both internally and externally. Jessie is standing in front of Pucks. From the looks of things, just stepping out of his Uber, and briskly making his way to me. “I tried to call you. You walked? It’s freezing!” His tone is similar to a parent scolding a child, but lovingly. I know he just cares for me, but my skin feels too hot to be worried about the frost in the air. I shrug, still not having greeted him or met his eyeline. He doesn’t seem to mind, and instead, wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead.

“Hey.” He hooks a finger under my chin and directs my eyes to him. “You good?” A knowing look and a loaded question. Because I see in his eyes the real questions. ‘Do I need to hurt someone? Do you want to go home? Can I fix this for you?’ All the questions I don’t have the capacity to handle right now, so I smile at him, small but sincere, and nod at him. Giving him a quick kiss and diving back into the warmth of his arms.

“I think I need gin.”

He chuckles lightly. “That, I can arrange.” Keeping an arm hooked around my shoulders, he directs us to the entry of the bar. As we make our way through the tables, Riley’s head snaps in our direction, which prompts the rest of the table to look and gawk. Oh boy, we’re hard-launching our–whatever this is–right now.

Matching looks of shock and smugness plaster over all of them. Well, all except Stella. She just winks, giving me her usual sad, dark smile, and then returns her gaze to the TVs and her whiskey.

Despite my rigid posture and frozen steps, Jessie remains warm and calm at my side. He pulls me tighter and leans down to whisper in my ear, “If it’s too much for tonight, we can pretend. But I’m not looking to hide anything from anyone, Ace. I love you, and I’d happily shout it to the world.”

My eyes squeeze shut for a moment, taking in his words and feeling my anger recede, and when I look up into those eyes, I let myself smile fully this time.

“Nothing with you is too much.” His eyes sparkle with a touch of shock at my words, but I just squeeze an arm around his waist and use the calmness and joy he breathes into me, to hold me through the rest of the night. The knowledge that this night will end with my big, burly lumberjack holding me as I sleep, making it all the more bearable.

“What’s this, then?” Rosie questions, except she knows exactly what it is, and by the cheeky look on her face, she is just getting me to admit it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” I muse, not meeting her eyes, if only to get a reaction from her. Addison scoffs at her, but meets me before the table and pulls me into a hug.

Her small frame nestles into mine in comfort, and I squeeze her shoulders when she whispers, “I’m happy for you both.” Pulling away, she winks, levels her brother with a scary look, before she turns back to her seat.

As Jessie and I pull out a chair each and sit, we seem to be in agreement that we aren’t hiding, but also not broadcasting, and Caleb lets go of a humorless laugh before staring at his beer. “Another one bites the dust.”

Rosie raises her drink to him in agreement, and they both down what’s left. Everyone else seems to be on board with not mentioning anything. Riley is just staring wide-eyed and smiling large, obviously ecstatic with her big brother’s lack of comfort right now. But after a few minutes, the silence becomes awkward. Everyone is shifting and not making eye contact, and I can practically feel the tension roiling off Caleb’s and Noah’s shoulders from trying so hard not to laugh.

“For goodness’ sake, you’re all a bunch of children,” I mumble and turn to Jessie. “You need a drink? Because I do.” He nods, also trying not to laugh but shaking his head at our stupid friends.

“I’ll get it,” he says, and gives me a pointed look that I know translates to something like, ‘sort out these fuckers before I get back.’

He heads for the bar, and I level the group with a look and deliver the warning, “Yes, Jessie and I are together. No, it hasn’t been going on this whole time. No, we haven’t really discussed what any of it means. Yes, it is serious.” I take a breath and then, rolling my shoulders, I breathe out, “Any questions? This is your one and—”

“So many questions,” Rosie gasps as she slaps the table in front of her.

“How did it happen?” Caleb questions.

“Also, dick size—”

“Rosie!?” Addison scolds, followed by a mumbled, “For fuck’s sake, gross.” From Riley.

“You were the one that asked if they had any questions,” Ethan provides and gives me a look that says this was my own doing.

“Okay, I take it back. No questions. It is only new, the finer details are for Jessie and I. Grow up and deal with it.” As my gaze flits around the table at each person, they all seem to nod in agreement. Not sure that Lucas and Ethan could care less, Rosie and Caleb are the most disappointed with the lack of details, but I get a weird look from Stella, something that hits like respect, and I think that is also almost a smile.

“Sorted?” Jessie asks as he comes back to the table and places the drink in front of me. I nod and level the entire table with a glare, to which they shrink from. I internally pat myself on the back because I think I finally nailed the Rosie look.

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