Page 46 of Hiding from Hope

“Well, he said some things to me. I followed him back into the kitchen, and he said more things—”

“What things!?” Rosie pleads.

“Is this the part where I leave?” Addison squeezes her eyes closed and I laugh again.

“Highlight reel: he said swoony things that made my heart skip. Then he lifted me onto the counter, kissed the shit out of me again, and… well… his barista hands know what they are doing.” I sigh and fall back to the couch. Remembering the way those big rough hands just dominated my whole body.

“Ew! Okay, yuck. Done. I’m done with that part. Please move on.” Addison covers her face with her hands and Rosie just laughs and jumps up.

“Yes! But also… ew, on the kitchen counter?” She points and looks at the kitchen with a curled lip.

Sighing, I nod. “Yeah. On the kitchen counter.”

“Then what?” Rosie sits back down, bringing her knees to her chest, and beams at me. Like a kid ready for the rest of the story.

“Well, he carried me back to the bed. Said even more things, and then held me, and then I fell asleep. Then I woke up, and he was gone.” I try to hide the way my heart sinks.

“You didn’t—”

“Do not answer that question!” Addison chastises Rosie and squeezes her eyes shut, and I laugh.

“I didn’t. But he also wouldn’t let me. Said he wanted to take care of me.” Rosie’s jaw hits the ground, and Addison’s face changes to a confused mix of what I can only describe as, ‘awh’, and, ‘yuck’.

“So, you didn’t even find out if he is…”

Rosie holds her hands up in measurement and drills her eyes into mine with meaning.

I laugh, hard this time, shaking my head. “I didn’t.”

“Stop! I don’t want to know or hear anything about that.” Addison covers her face again.

“Addy, does this bother you?” I question, slightly scared about the answer.

“Hearing about my brother’s dick? Yes. It bothers me a lot!” she exclaims.

“No, I mean… me and Jessie?” I bite my bottom lip, not sure about how that sounds.

“Is there a ‘you and Jessie’?” she asks, and the sympathy in her face makes my heart sink. I guess I don’t even know the answer to that question. He said no expectations, but nothing we said meant this was anything, right? He probably was overcome with lust, but that doesn’t mean he has feelings for me. Caring about someone isn’t the same as having feelings for someone. Only the other week he was hung-up on his ex.

I look between Rosie and Addison and see the matching looks on their faces. Sympathy and pity, like I’m the last one to work out that I’m in love with someone completely unavailable. Well, I’m not in love. I’m just infatuated. I just need to meet someone else. Or I need him to meet someone else, so he becomes off limits. I throw my hands to my face and groan, and the girls fall to either side of me on the couch, sharing the same exasperation.

“I have no idea. I don’t even think I have the energy to contemplate it.” Addison pats me on the leg.

“I love my brother. But he hasn’t quite mastered the ability to be vulnerable. The stupid bitch Jenny ruined him, and I worry for you, Case.” Dropping my hands, I turn to look at her.

“Even if he had some feelings for you, I don’t know that he would let himself have them. He doesn’t believe he is deserving, and I don’t want you to get hurt. He is my brother. He was my best friend before you two. I just don’t want to lose you if you can’t be around him.” That realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I’d like to think I could be mature and not have this effect on my long-standing friendship with Addison, but the truth is, being around Jessie is hard enough as it is. If he made me fall and then didn’t fall right back? God, that would be hard.

I nod and Rosie grunts.

“I lost Addy to love, and now I’m going to lose you, too?” She sounds exasperated.

“Relax, we had a moment. I don’t think this means much. Like Addy said, he isn’t emotionally available. Also, I have way too much going on right now, and I don’t want to come between you two,” I direct at Addison. “I’ll go see him today. Clear the air. Set boundaries, you know?”

“That doesn’t mean you guys can’t… you know… help each other out.” Rosie emphasizes her point with the wiggle of her eyebrows, and Addy grimaces while I giggle.

“I don’t think I could do that with JJ without getting my heart involved.”

“Wow. His fingers must be good,” Rose retorts wistfully.

---