Page 38 of Hiding from Hope

“Dammit,” she mutters as she squeezes her eyes closed and leans her head on my chest. I chuckle softly, but my grip remains on her lower back. She withdraws the phone from her pocket, her eyebrows pulling taut when she sees who’s calling.

“What is it?” I ask, and something tugs on my chest, making it feel tight.

“It’s… It’s my sister.” She looks up to me, worry lining every part of her face. “I’m sorry. She doesn’t ever call me. I should get this; it could be important.” She searches my eyes as though she needs my permission.

“Don’t apologize, of course, answer it,” I rush out, hoping she just fucking answers it before it ends. She does and rushes out a greeting before her spine snaps straight and her face drops. Casey Baker, for the first time in history, is as ashen and pale as a ghost, and it feels like my own chest caves in.

She turns away from me, and I grab her bags as I follow after her. By the time I catch up, she is practically jogging to the entry of the market. “Ace, talk to me. What happened?” She spins and I see the unshed tears that have my chest clenching.

“My… it’s Grace. She…” Casey’s breaths come in heavy and fast as she shakes her head, a few tears dropping down her face. “Grace lost the baby,” she whispers as a sob leaves her lips. She looks like she might fall, but I drop the bags and wrap her close to me just as her knees give out. I hold her and she cries, the full body sobs shaking her as I hold her up against me. Losing the moment we had feels disappointing, but seeing Casey break like this? It feels like I’m shattering into a million pieces.

Jessie – age 27

2018

“I can think of a number of places I’d rather be.”

“C’mon, Jessie… please? Mom and Dad are being assholes about this, and they won’t let me go without a chaperone. At least this way I know you’ll leave us alone and I can tell Mom there is an adult with us. Plus, it’s for Casey’s birthday. You aren’t going to make her go out by herself, are you?”

Escorting my sister and her friends on their first night at a bar is seriously not something I saw myself doing… ever. But Addison looks up at me through her pleading eyes, green and sad looking, and my chest tugs slightly. Jenny is at some cooking school gala thing tonight that I wasn’t invited along to, so I guess it is this or brood alone at home. I’m not sure what is going on with Jen lately. She is distant and short. She is always busy and bailing on plans we’d made. I mean, I know she is working hard at her career. She wants to be a pastry chef, and I am doing my best to support her, but she doesn’t seem to care about my own dream. I snagged a small corner building in New York, the city she said she wanted to move to, and I was going to set up a bookshop café there. Put both my literature and business degrees to use. Sure, the apartment the lease came with is small, but it won’t be forever. It is just a steppingstone. The day I signed and wanted to celebrate, she said she already had plans and sent a, ‘Congrats babe, that’s cool,’ text with a thumbs-up emoji. It is starting to feel like one foot out the door with her, and I am starting to get really fucking tired of it.

Not being able to come up with any excuses or able to fight off the sympathy Addison’s pleading look gives me, I roll my eyes and give in.

“Fine.”

“Yes! Thank you!” She launches forward and hugs me, making me feel a little better about the decision.

“What time are we leaving?”

“Case and Rosie are on the way here, and then we wanted to catch a cab to Reston, a new bar opened we want to try.” I knew the one.

“I’ll drive. We can take the truck.” I am stoked with the new car. Dad had helped me pick it up the other weekend. He wanted me to get one of those sporty idiot mobiles that he and all his country club losers drive around in, but I am happy with my truck. It is practical. The bed of the truck is perfect for drive-in date nights or camping. It allows me to drive most roads and was practical when I needed to help Ava move out of her dorm and into her new apartment with her boyfriend.

“Sweet! Okay, I’ll let you know when the girls are here.” She darts off to her room, pulling out her phone to call the girls, I assume. I head back to mine for a shower and to change. I have some errands to run in town before we left, anyway. I flick a text off to Jen to let her know my plans have changed. She was going to come over later, but I might just head to hers after I drop the girls’ home.

“Jessie, the girls are here, let’s go!” Addison yells from the bottom of the stairs. I grab my keys and coat and head down. Checking my phone, I see a text bounce in from Jen.

Cool. I pretend like that’s fine, and it doesn’t make me fill with a ton of rage. I just fucking miss her. I miss conversations, laughing, comfortable silence, and just being a fucking couple. Sure, it’d been a while since we’d slept together, but at this point, I’d give up the sex for some kind of connection. Anyway. I’m sure this happens to all long-term couples. Maybe the change to the city will help. We move in a few months. Things will get better, I am sure of it.

I head for the stairs and hear the giggling of the new adults in the kitchen as I descend.

“We going?” I am ready for this night to be over. I head for the front door and hold it open, Addison rounds the corner, friends in tow.

“JJ,” Rosie greets and I nod at her.

“Hey, Jay!” Little miss sun—what the fuck is that.

“Are you wearing that?” The words leave my mouth before I can think better of it and my jaw slams shut. My comment has shock registering on the rest of them as Casey halts so quickly she nearly trips, Addy and Rosie spinning too.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean it like… it’s just—” I raise my hands in defense and the front door swings and hits me on the ass, making me nearly fall over. “I mean, you girls know you’re going to a nightclub, right? Not only is it freezing, but… well, you aren’t kids anymore.” How did I politely and not creepily tell my little sister’s friend—stupidly attractive friend—that what she is wearing is leaving very little to the imagination?

I love my girlfriend. Jenny is more than enough for me… but I am still a man and not completely immune. Plus, I don’t know what it is about Casey, but even when she was sixteen, she just had this aura around her. Her smile, the way her hair practically glows, and it feels like the sun follows her path. Add to that, she was now completely grown, with a woman’s figure, and my brain and body are betraying me.

“Forget I said anything,” I grunt out at Rosie’s and Addison’s reprimanding looks, and they start to head out. Casey hangs back, and when I turn to see what the holdup is, I curse myself again. She has her arms wrapped around her waist and something like sadness across her face.

“Maybe I should change?” she mumbles.

“No way! You look hot as fuck. We are all finally twenty-one, and we get to let our hair down,” Rosie reassures her.

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