Page 36 of Hiding from Hope

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Karvelas.” I rub a frustrated hand down my face. “You lot are worse than the women. Can’t you talk work and sport like normal guys?”

“But women are so much more interesting,” Noah provides, his smile growing as I roll my eyes at him.

“There isn’t anything to know. We’re friends.”

“Ava and I were friends once, too.” A low laugh spreads across the table. As I meet Matt’s eyes, he smiles and winks at me. Prick.

Still, I can’t help but let a smirk hit my face as I sip my beer.

“She’s young, free, and happy. We just hang out sometimes. I think she honestly enjoys the peace and quiet my apartment offers. Between Rosie and Addison, there is a lot going on. Plus, I’ve helped her out with a thing at the studio. It’s just… normal.” I shrug and spin the beer in my hands.

“Except, she is super into you,” Lucas chimes in.

“And you’d know?” I challenge with a half-smile.

“You see the way she looks at you?” he provides, still looking straight through me with his clear hazel eyes. I shuffle on my chair and look back to my beer.

“Casey is like a deer in headlights on the best of days. You see the way she looks at a Blue Heaven and Banana Latte? Ridiculous,” I respond, but struggle to hide the little chuckle and smile that hits my face, remembering the look Case gave me as she tasted that latte for the first time. When I finally look up, I have five sets of eyes looking at me incredulously. “What the fuck are you all looking at?” I demand.

“I correct myself. Have you seen the way you look when you talk about her?”

I turn to Noah. “If I’d known your catch up was an inquisition into the love lives of your friends, I would have declined the offer.”

“Oooh, love life?” Fuck’s sake. I run a frustrated hand down my face at Caleb’s taunt and Noah chuckles beside me.

“Fine.” I lose the battle of pretending. It’s too damn exhausting. “I’m into Casey. But she is just a friend. There isn’t anything there. She got out of a long-term thing, and she’s… well, she is good. She could do so much better than me. Deserves better.” I mumble most of it as I sink back into my chair and skull the rest of my beer.

“They all could and do deserve better than the likes of you lot.” Ethan gestures between Noah, Matt, and me. “But you can be selfish,” he provides.

He’s wrong, though. I can’t, not where she is concerned. I’d rather never see her again than force her to settle for something as mediocre as a life with me. Not with the dreams she has, the hopeless romantic that she is. I shake my head at Ethan’s response and Noah chimes in.

“Have you asked her?”

“Asked her what?” I sigh, officially over this interrogation.

“What she wants.” I turn to look at him because… well, no, I haven’t. But it wouldn’t be me and I can’t bring myself to face the rejection. Again.

“My guy, you’re about as approachable as a starving lion, and she is like a delicate flower. She isn’t coming to you, despite how much she probably wants to. Your move.” Although I disagree with their description of Casey, because the time we’ve spent together recently makes me think she actually has incredibly thick skin and could smack a man down if the situation arose, but it still makes me consider. A tug-of-war starts to tighten my chest. Between wanting to avoid the rejection and losing a friend I’ve grown to need in my life, and perhaps actually succeeding and having Casey in all the ways I’ve only dreamed about.

Officially over being the topic of conversation, I point the knife in a different direction. “You’re awfully quiet back there. What about you?”

“What about me?” Ethan tries to shrug off the question.

“You’re almost as old as I am. What? No crush the guys fucking hammer you about?” I grumble back and Ethan just waves a hand in the air, trying to remain casual.

“Too busy. No one interesting enough, I suppose.”

“Oh, sure,” Lucas says under his breath.

Ethan levels him with a look mid-sip, and Caleb latches on to the information. “Oh, here we go.” Caleb claps his hands together. “What have you got for us?” He leans forward, eager to hear the response. Noah, Matt, and I just watch in apt fascination.

The silence is deafening as the brothers spend a few moments in a death stare before Ethan drains his beer and gets up. “Hitting the john,” he says as he departs, and Lucas chuckles to himself.

The guys move on to better topics than grown ass men not knowing how to discuss feelings, and I remain mostly silent for the rest of the night. We all seem to have had enough of early week hangovers because we leave Pucks by 7pm, and I thankfully make it home sober and with no embarrassing stories.

Except, when I make it inside the apartment, I can’t help but notice how empty it is. The space is small, and yet it feels way too big with just me.

“Have you ever thought about writing a book?” The question pulls me out of the peaceful daze I had lulled myself into as we casually stroll through the stalls of the market. Casey’s gaze is fixated on the shelves holding a collection of used books as we meander through the state library’s stall. I do the same on the opposite side, both of us seeming to avoid eye contact.

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