Page 35 of Hiding from Hope

This has been the pattern for the last couple of weeks. Since Casey came and took over my kitchen, we’ve fallen into this comfortable friendship, or rather, painfully pining from a distance, in my case. But it’s been nice, having someone to just be around. Nothing is forced, and we can exist comfortably in silence together without any expectations.

I think I’m suffering from denial, though. I have to remind myself that she offered to be my person simply because there was no one else. I needed to remember that this thing between us will be over the moment she finds someone suitable to spend her life with. But, fuck, am I struggling with continuing to hide how goddamned badly I want her. I had resigned to avoiding her in person, which, of course, only made her force herself into my space more. Not that I am sorry about it.

“I haven’t seen you in three days, so I’m checking for signs of life,” she had stated as she skipped through my door a couple of days ago. She brought the special edition book I got her, and we sat in a peaceful silence together as we read. I say silence, but it was anything but. This was how I learned she is a loud reader. She coos, ‘aw’s,’ and, ‘oh my god that was so beautiful’, as she throws her head back and hits her face with the book. The most dramatic and expressive reader I’ve ever met.

And I fucking love it.

Her text demands when I leave the llama picture on read.

I try to think of something–anything. Because it’s too much, pretending like I don’t spend every fucking shower thinking of her. Like I don’t wake up seeing her incredible smile. I’m closer to losing my control every time we hang out, and I can’t bring myself to pretend today. Before I have to think of an excuse, the sky opens and drops luck right into my lap.

Manuscript hunt is put off as I flick a confirmation text to Noah, standing from the living room and walking for the front door. Telling myself to keep the olive branch open and not tell Noah to quit inviting me to his regular Monday night at Pucks with the guys.

I roll my eyes and hide a laugh and instead fixate on those two letters.

My.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Casey?” Noah asks from beside me, and I try to hide my intake of air as I sip my beer.

“There is nothing with Casey and me.” I shake my head, avoiding eye contact. Caleb, from my other side, scoffs and Noah just chuckles.

“Yeah, okay. How long you plan on sitting in denial for? We did this with Noah already, and it’s kind of old,” Caleb responds. I roll my eyes but take the deflection.

“What did Noah do?”

“Pretended he wasn’t head over heels for your little sister.” Ugh.

“You know what, I actually don’t think I want to know about that,” I grumble, sipping my drink, and Matt leans over and tips his beer bottle against mine in agreement.

“Don’t you pipe up, De Luca. I want to hear none of your shit, either.” His face is shock before the rest of the table breaks out into laughter and Caleb takes the opportunity to barb further. “Might have to add Lucas to your hit list.” Lucas spits his beer slightly as he wipes his mouth and hits Caleb with a reprimanding look.

“What are you talking about, Smith?” he asks, and I turn my attention to Caleb, who pins me with his shit-eating grin, that usually makes me what to knock someone out, except, for some reason, on him, it’s not as punchable.

“Well, I heard that Riley was taking the spare room at Lucas’s joint at the end of next month. How many guys live with you, Luke? Was it four or five?” Caleb taunts, and I see Lucas’s face change from concerned to annoyed as he rolls his eyes, and I clench a fist at the thought of my baby sister in a house of four twenty-five-year-old boys.

“Other than me, it’s one. Lenny is moving out, so there are just me and Damen.” He says it leaning back in his chair and pinning me with a stare I can’t read.

I sip my drink and swallow the words that threaten to end this small circle of acquaintances I’ve made.

“It’s all right, JJ.” Ethan rests a long arm across the back of Lucas’s chair and slaps him on the back a few times. “Little bro here has no game. Least of all when it comes to the likes of Riley Jenkins.”

“What, you don’t think I could pick her up?” Lucas challenges, humor lacing his tone, and I have to white knuckle my beer to keep from throwing it at him.

“You usually go for the pretty, timid ones. You know, less bite to them, so you can just waltz in and charm. Less work. I’ve seen you at the bar on your nights off,” Caleb replies, and Lucas rolls his eyes before he turns back to his brother. Ethan and Caleb, of course, are far more intelligent than Lucas, having goaded him into a foot-in-mouth situation. If more words leave his mouth, I might get kicked out of this venue.

“Please, I’d have Riley eating out of my hands in no time.” I slam my beer to the table and level a glare in Lucas’s direction. A warning. I will hear no more where my sisters are concerned.

“You’re quiet over there, De Luca. You gave me shit for weeks about Addison. But nothing about Riley? Really?” Noah teases Matt, who laughs.

“That’s because I knew you had a chance with her. Riley isn’t giving Lucas the time of day. He’s too quiet. She’d eat him alive.” That releases a tension in my chest, because he isn’t wrong. Riley can be fucking insane. Still, I keep my gaze on Lucas, and he gives me a subtle nod, pulling a tight smile to his lips. I hope, in a mutual understanding.

“You know, if you dickheads are going to spend every Monday talking shit or discussing the details of where my sisters are concerned, you can drop the invite. I’m not interested in suffering a slow death,” I grunt out, which causes Caleb to beam a pleased smile and chuckle, completely satisfied with how worked up he got me.

“Lighten up, dude, we’re just poking. Does it make it better that the woman I’m chasing isn’t a Jenkins?”

“Makes me like you a hell of a lot more than everyone else at this table.” I give him side-eye, and his face beams a boy-ish grin that has my rage cooling. Not a bad guy, I decide.

“So, back to Casey,” Noah redirects.

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