Page 79 of Falling for Fury

Trapped in my thoughts, I miss the headlights from behind me and the sound of a truck pulling up next to me.

“Addison. Get in.” I’d know that lovingly unpleasant voice from anywhere.

“JJ. Leave me alone.”

“This is unsafe and ridiculous. I won’t take you back to the house, but would you just get in?” I stop walking and stare at him and he stops the car. For the first time in two years, he looks at me properly. His intense eyes a confused mix of green and blue fighting between Mom and Dad’s genes as he tries to fight all the things I know he wants to say. All the things I know he is punishing himself for because for all the bravado and strength he pretends to have, he and I, we are not that different. The same demons haunt us both, sent by the same devils. I heave a sigh and relent, dragging myself into the car without another word. After a couple of minutes, I break the silence.

“Where are you taking me?”

“We need a drink.”

We drive for a couple more minutes before we make it to an Irish pub on the outside of town. An old style bar that has a few locals at the bar, one burly looking bartender, with a jukebox playing what I think might be Don’t Stop Believin’. More irony for your Saturday Night.

We walk in, tense silence following us, not having spoken a word since JJ picked me up from my night time adventure walk.

“Two tequilas, thanks,” JJ orders at the bar and the server places two tequila shots in front of us. Without a word, Jessie smacks them both back and orders another two and turns to me.

“I thought we were having a drink. Or should I order for myself?” I know he saved me from the side of the road, but I can’t help the snark in my tone. I’m simply just not in the mood to pretend to care right now.

“Yours is coming. I needed it for this conversation.” I scoff at him. He is absent for two years and now he needs liquid courage. Yeah, okay, Jessie. The bartender places another two shots on the bar and I down mine, leaving Jessie a third. “Go on, then. Say your piece. Tell me how I overreacted, how I’m an angry monster and they are still our parents and we should love them,” I drone on, mocking Jessie’s deep tone of voice.

“How long have you been with Noah?”

Wait, what?

My face must look as confused as my thoughts because he continues. “You didn’t overreact—blood doesn’t mean shit. If you hadn’t of smacked Dad’s jaw, I would have. Your anger is warranted, and sometimes love is wasted on the wrong people.” He downs his shot and continues, drilling me with his sharp eyes that penetrate every defense I’ve ever developed, my old brother just behind them. I feel a quick sting of sympathy at his still sensitive wound. I wonder if he’ll ever move on from Jenny. Despite the space between us these last few years, I do wish he would find love again, allow himself to be happy.

“Now, how long have you been with Noah? How serious are you?” His questions are more like statements. Venom laced behind every word. I swallow to wet my throat, confused that this is what he wants to talk about.

“Umm… over a month, I think?” I realize I’m not too sure. Noah had told his mom we were together for two months, but… that would put our start date at the night of Bozzelli’s when he all but kidnapped me before I ghosted him. A quick pain in my chest at the realization that Noah thinks about the beginning of us from that moment, but I shove it away. The date I had been counting was more like the date to the Rage Cage than anything else… honestly at this point, who cares?

Noah has hurt me. His lies a betrayal. He’s known since Maplewood and he never said anything. Noah’s words and actions that night he found me in my room at the lodge come back to me. The state of his hair looking like he had spent time pulling at it, his face in pain. Telling me he didn’t want to see me hurt, I thought he was talking about my stupidity with the zipline; I guess this is what he was actually talking about.

“So even after my warning about him, you still went after him.” JJ and I settle into our usual sparring match; that seems to be the norm between us now. Both refusing eye contact and staring forward towards the bar.

“Not that it is any of your business, but he pursued me. We were friends first… I guess? We just had this thing between us. It’s hard to explain.” I throw my fingers up to the bar keep, indicating another two shots. Waiting for them, we both down our drinks before continuing. “And anyway, you warned me about his behavior with women. You said nothing about his ability to lie and deceive in general. Up until tonight, I was getting ready to prove you wrong. Prove to you that all your asshole behavior and cruel words were a result of your residual rage against Jenny and nothing to do with Noah and me.” JJ releases a sigh and hangs his head, elbows resting on the bar.

“None of this is coming out properly. Do you love him? Are you… in love?”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation, surprising even myself. After tonight, I have no clue what is going on. Falling out of love isn’t that easy. It’s not like I can just decide that’s it. But… he lied to me. So easily, about something so big.

“And after tonight?” JJ pushes, but his tone is more gentle. I shrug and land my head in my hands.

“I have no idea, Jessie. I thought… God. I thought that…” I can’t say it. My eyes sting and the lump in my throat threatens to expose me. The adrenaline of my rage from earlier is fading, and I’m about to fall apart.

“Thought what, Addison?”

“That we were endgame.”

“Addy—”

“No. Don’t. You know… I really… I actually thought he was it. Like I didn’t need to learn to be around another person again because he would be all that I needed. I bitched him out the first time we met, ignored him, and rejected him for weeks, and when I finally gave in and he took me on our first date, I had a complete meltdown. He even stuck around after I one-night-stood him.”

Jessie grimaces and shakes his head. “I’m really scared to ask, but what the fuck is ‘one-night-stood him’?”

“Like we slept together, and I left without sleeping over. Rosie says I ‘one-night-stood him’ because I was essentially saying this is a one-night thing. But he was like a bad habit I couldn’t shake. He was just there and was always sweet. He never judged my moods or my episodes. He just held me through them and was there to help me up afterwards. He… stayed. He didn’t run or get scared. He didn’t blame me or make me feel shame or guilt. Literally no one else in my life has ever accepted me that way. Not Mom or Dad. Not Ava, Riley, or even you. Casey and Rosie try, but even they don’t. Noah. He was different. I thought he was it.” He also had this unflinching ability to meet my rage, to tease it, tame it, and seduce it in a way no one has ever been able to do. Like he knew exactly how to provoke it enough to wake a fire and passion in me, giving me confidence and determination, never flailing or running. My very own snake charmer.

I still can’t tell what hurts more, the lies my dad forced me to live with, the fact my entire family is terrified of me to the point of keeping secrets, or that Noah kept all of this to himself.

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